Let it out!

[Psychoid]

There's a girl that I love. That girl is in love with an asshole that keeps making her suffer intentionally. He already has broke up and taken her back over 50 times since they are together (a year and 3 months), and frequently threaten her of doing so to manipulate her. She told me many times that she was unhappy with him, that he has pushed her into a depression. She even talked about suicide twice. But no matter what I tell her, she stays with him. The worse is that she always say that I'm right, but she doesn't do anything. A week ago she told me it was over, that she was leaving him because she had suffered enough. She wanted me to go to Miami with her, which I gladly accepted. But she stayed with him because she thinks she is pregnant and she says she doesn't believe in separated families. so if she was pregnant she was gonna stay with him. Then yesterday or the day before, I talked to her on msn, and now she is in love with him again because he has been cool with her. I know she believe he has changed. But I'm sure it's not gonna last. It's not the first time this happens... usually he's good with her for a few days and then the hell begins again. Now I'm really getting sick of these roller coasters... It's killing me to see her stick to that guy who does everything to make her suffer, when I know that with me she would be happy cause I would do everything I can to make her happy. Or even is she's not interested in me, if she could at least leave that guy... All I want is her to be happy

 

[Forkbender]

Enjoy your snowboarding trip mrvn! Good to see you are taking steps to change your life for the better.

Psychoid, I recognize the situation and it sucks big time. Realize that she can only help herself. She has to take herself so seriously that she will do the best for her, not for him, not for you. Try taking a bit of distance and not involving yourself too much with the situation, because right now you are being drained by someone that doesn't know how to love herself.

I'm going skating today! First time in years, so I hope I'm still able.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

OK, I'm pissed off now. My dentist suggested a root canal treatment. So now I have to make up my mind about that, another controversial subject. Currently the treatment itself is dangerous to health. But the alternative, having that molar extracted, means I'd have to chew with the left side of my mouth from then on, which could lead to jaw problems after a couple of years...

I've got an appointment again next week. Hm, I would actually keep one front molar, and if the dead molar goes, two amalgam filled upper molars would become obsolete, and could thus be removed as well.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I talked to her on msn, and now she is in love with him again because he has been cool with her. I know she believe he has changed. But I'm sure it's not gonna last. It's not the first time this happens... usually he's good with her for a few days and then the hell begins again.

Well, people do grow up, relationships can deepen. But it depends on their desire to make it work. There are books, workshops and other ways to learn to communicate better (something most of us didn't learn from our parents) and become better lovers. They might benefit from consulting a skilled coach or therapist. You cannot really help sort out the dynamics of their relationship, because you are in love with her. If you only communicate with her and never with him, you might actually be an indirect source of tension in their relationship. I know what it's like (I experienced this 5 years ago) when your partner discusses her relationship problems with a man who is in love with her. He'll be full of understanding, and she'll appreciate it greatly, but it just reinforces the problems rather than solving them. If you have an eye on her, you'll have to wait until the relationship between him and her has died a natural death. But don't even wait. Enjoy being single and be open to the idea of falling in love with someone else.

 

[silv]

Me, I'm feeling like shit for no real apparent reason. Vacation ended and I actually had more fun than study since, but still I'm feeling like crap and don't know what to do about it >.<

 

[Forkbender]

To silv:

listen to the message

To CM:

many wisdom-cookies to your teeth.

 

[restin]

Good luck, CM. Seems like a difficult time for you...do the best. I have no experience with the root canal stuff. :?

Have fun mrvn and good luck quitting. It is possible and stay optimist. Placebo may be fantasy but it can help you.

????????, does living in France mean forever? That's really sad. Separation is a bitch...

Silv, my vacation ended as well and I am pissed off too....argh! I wanna go travelling...

 

[silv]

To silv:

listen to the message

To CM:

many wisdom-cookies to your teeth.

I actually didn't even listen to the song, but seeing the songtitle + artist nearly made me cry (in a positive way)
Thanks for that!

 

[????????]

does living in France mean forever?

don't know. it's like a goal of hers, to settle in another country. just today i said goodbye...... but not for ever! i'll be visiting sometime in six months, she'll send me some money and i'll save a bit throughout next semester. so, it was actually a see you soon :goodman:

 

[spice]

Let's channel our emotions! Time for some catharsis!
What are you frustrated about right now?
What do you love?
What do you fear?
What do you hate?
What are you angry about?
Why are you ashamed?
etc.
etc.

1 thing at a time please, we need to be able to laugh it all off and comfort each other. :goodman:

What am I frustrated about?

That my country is a bunch of brain dead beer sponges

What do I love?

Life, as much as I bitch about it.

What do I fear?

Myself.....


What do I hate?

Actually, nothing.

What am I angry about?

That I am geographically stuck in this area, for now, anyway......and it's not under my direct control.

Why am I ashamed?

Wow, that's a good one......

For not being perceptive enough, or sensitive enough, or caring enough....
For being emotionally hardened in a lot of ways......


But it's never too late

 

[Psychoid]

Thanks Fork and CM for your answers.

when your partner discusses her relationship problems with a man who is in love with her. He'll be full of understanding, and she'll appreciate it greatly, but it just reinforces the problems rather than solving them.

Yes, that's something I often wondered about, either I was helping her or just making things worse. I sometimes thought that I'd better let her on her own, but then I'm scared of what she could do... As I said she is depressive, she already has told me twice that she sometimes thinks that she'd better just not live anymore. I know I'm her only real friend (she told me), and I'm scared that she could kill herself if things get really bad and I'm not there to support her.

Enjoy being single and be open to the idea of falling in love with someone else.

That's another problem. I have never had a girlfriend, I'm SICK of being single. And I am open to the idea of falling in love with another girl, and even want it to happen, as I'd stop suffering from things over which I have no control. The problem is that it's unlikely to happen. She is constantly on my mind, even if I haven't seen her for over 2 weeks now. And when I meet another interesting girl, I always have the thought that I'd prefer being with that girl I'm talking about. And it wouldn't be honest engaging in a relationship with a girl while in reality I'd wish I'd be with another...

If you wonder why I never had a girlfriend, it's because in the past I simply was so shy that I wasn't able to talk to a girl I found attractive. But this problem slowly faded with time, and eventually I fell in love with a girl which I managed to communicate with but she wasn't interested so she rejected me. After this I haven't been in love for like a year and a half, cause I just didn't meet a girl I could imagine being with. Then, about 4 months and a half ago, classes began and she was in my group. At the first glance I had at her, I was literally stunned by her beauty, and decided I was going to try to know her. We quickly became very close friends, and eventually, after maybe a month, I deeply fell in love with her. The more I knew her, the more I loved her. I became convinced (and still am) that this is THE girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, and that I will never find another girl like this one. But also, the closer we became, the more she told me about her problems with her boyfriend. And it's really horrible, this guy is really fucked up. He keeps yelling at her, threatening her of awful things, he breaks up with her and then takes her back the day after because "it's the only mean" (his words, for example once he wanted her to quit the job she had at the moment so he broke up just before she left to go to work knowing she wouldn't go because of this and get fired), he tells her awful things to make her cry almost everyday. He says he will break up if she takes the contraception pill, sometimes he will break up if she is on MSN or use the phone etc... and he does a lot of other things in the intention of hurting her.
This guy has total control over her, because she is "dépendante affective" (don't know how to say this in english :S), and he knows how to manipulate her.

 

[spice]

Then you are in a very bad position.

There is nothing you can do about this, and you may not appreciate me saying so, but she is as much the problem as he is....in other words, she is the reason he is able to do this to her.....she takes him back, and continues to put herself through these things.

The question is: why?

There must be something she feels like she is getting out of this arrangement if she keeps returning to it. Understanding what this something is, now that's where the answers are at.

She may not understand why.....but until she tires of it, you are in the unenviable position of watching from the sidelines.


My condolences.

 

[MelloTrip]

Read the Mystery Method Psychoid. You'll learn a lot about social dynamics and human relationships.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Read the Mystery Method Psychoid. You'll learn a lot about social dynamics and human relationships.

And how to manipulate women? :?

 

[Forkbender]

Where does the site say that they manipulate women?

 

[Forkbender]

Psychoid, listen to spice. This girl has an inferiority complex and likes being a victim in some way, otherwise she would run like hell from this guy.

Right now you two are friends, right? Or did *something* happen? Does she even know you have a crush on her? If you are friends you should be a friend and tell her she should start respecting herself. Tell her that she has so many qualities that you find it awkward that she thinks badly about herself. Ask her why she thinks she is in the situation right now and the moment she starts to blame others, put it back to her, because she is responsible for her own life. All of this in a compassionate way, of course.

 

[FluidDruid]

I too am frustrated because I have chronic bronchitis, which is not allowing me to inhale any form of any smoke :[

 

[mysticwarrior]

I too am frustrated because I have chronic bronchitis, which is not allowing me to inhale any form of any smoke :[

^ So practically you will never get over it? I can imagine that it won't feel nice to have a constant pain in or around your lungs. Are there good solutions to make the pain more comfortable?


I am frustrated and angry, because my girlfriend is planning to go to Africa(Helping children who are handicapped.) for only one month with a good girlfriend :S It's not that i am mad on here, i mean she has the free will to choose the things that she want to do in here life. But since we just went trough a turbulent time, i find it hard to accept here choice. I just blamed here for something, i already regretted when i said it to here. I believe i am jealous, and that's why i acted like an as hole :S I am desperately trying to relativate it, but i already know that it's gonna be a heavy job But i decided that instead of saying stupid shit, i am going to support my girlfriend and confront my feelings, which feel terrible. Being jealous is terrible!!!

 

[Dreamsters]

Fluid Druid, I feel your pain. I woke up this morning which feels like someone snuffed a cigar in my throat. Tried to take a couple hits of herb this morning to make the pain go away. But to no avail, I could not inhale

 

[mysticwarrior]

I have never had a girlfriend, I'm SICK of being single.

If i where you, i would wait till you found the right girl. The first relationship can be a miraculous thing, so be wise and make the right decisions

That first girlfriend will come one day! Just have patience and try to invest some time in it.