Let it out!
- Auteur de la discussion Forkbender
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Forkbender
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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^do you mean your conception, or do you mean the doctor who helped deliver you?
lol i mean my dad. let's just say that he's always been somewhat assholish but lately he's been in full-asshole mode. i clash completely with people who need to externalize their anger, you know, those wall-punching, loud, screaming jerks, who are apparently not able to cool down without breaking something. i, in contrast, am the type to internalize conflicts... of course that has its own problems... psychological pain and the risk of bottling up a la hurricane neddy... but anyway it all comes down to my dad being pissed and taking it out on my little sister. to me, physical violence is NEVER justified, specially with a member of your fucking family! i told him this and he said he owned the house and apparently that makes him the absolute, unquestionable master and so if i don't like it i could go away. sigh, he already does alcohol and cocaine, i wish he would smoke weed too so he could chill a bit man.
Forkbender
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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I know what it's like & it sucks.
IJesusChrist
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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I smoked weed, strong weed, for first time in a while, long while.
Felt panic attack coming. I went to go urinate, and I looked in the mirror.
All of it went away, forever.
"This isn't a panic attack, this is being high - just enjoy it.."
Smoking weed is STILL not the same as it used to be, my thoughts are still at hyper speed, but now the negative connotation will be gone. This is awesome news for me.. :!:
Felt panic attack coming. I went to go urinate, and I looked in the mirror.
All of it went away, forever.
"This isn't a panic attack, this is being high - just enjoy it.."
Smoking weed is STILL not the same as it used to be, my thoughts are still at hyper speed, but now the negative connotation will be gone. This is awesome news for me.. :!:
Forkbender
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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Wow. Good stuff.
ararat
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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ok fuck it, who am I to lie to myself? to whom could I be honest if I'm not with myself?
living a lie is not my goal - a lie that is only there to make me fit into the general idea of what life is supposed to be. how people are expected to be.
considering the number of homosexual people I know in my greater circle of friends (I considered that I may be projecting myself onto others, but for some I am pretty sure), it's not hard to realise that it's not a problem. actually, it was. it's a problem if you make one out of it.
^consider this as an inner and outer outing.
also, where did that thread of that guy go who was talking about love and homosexuality? I can't find it. it wasn't too long ago.
living a lie is not my goal - a lie that is only there to make me fit into the general idea of what life is supposed to be. how people are expected to be.
considering the number of homosexual people I know in my greater circle of friends (I considered that I may be projecting myself onto others, but for some I am pretty sure), it's not hard to realise that it's not a problem. actually, it was. it's a problem if you make one out of it.
^consider this as an inner and outer outing.
also, where did that thread of that guy go who was talking about love and homosexuality? I can't find it. it wasn't too long ago.
Forkbender
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Must feel good. 
I battled a (what turned out to be a) trojan on my computer for the last almost 20 hours. It rebooted everytime I wanted to start my anitiviral software. And then everytime I logged in. And then the keyboard and mouse stopped working. I won.
Hurray!
I battled a (what turned out to be a) trojan on my computer for the last almost 20 hours. It rebooted everytime I wanted to start my anitiviral software. And then everytime I logged in. And then the keyboard and mouse stopped working. I won.
Hurray!
BrainEater
Banni
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- 21/7/07
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Congratulations!
Must feel good to win a war where the machine can think much more at the same time so to speak and therefore is not essentially superior to your mind and you win over the machine so to say by being intelligent enough. hehehe
Must feel good to win a war where the machine can think much more at the same time so to speak and therefore is not essentially superior to your mind and you win over the machine so to say by being intelligent enough. hehehe
^ok dude i know we all post here half-baked but seriously dude, sometimes i want to mod you for spam man! it's evident in some of your posts that you just spat whatever commentary popped in your head and wrote it here in a span no greater than 5 seconds!!
don't hate me! re-read sometimes! :mrgreen:
and congratulations to banana, another label transcended!
don't hate me! re-read sometimes! :mrgreen:
and congratulations to banana, another label transcended!
BrainEater
Banni
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hehehe yeah man but what can i do?? i am kind of bored most of the time.... 
"whatever commentary popped in your head"
i try not to insult fellow members anymore, but i have to agree here.. i honestly feel like sometimes you just post on a topic just to post for the sake of posting. there's definitely a difference in your posts though when your bored and when you aren't. when your not, the post flows alot more (better english imo) and generally makes me think, you've definitely got an interesting point of view.. when your bored, i cant read it.
if you're bored all the time then get off the computer for a bit. expand your body a little instead of only your mind. i know what extreme boredom feels like. (it was an aspect of my depression several years ago..) i've wasted countless hours in the day just reading shit that i didn't even care about, couldn't tell you a reason why other than i made myself so bored that i didn't even want to get up, because i was so bored..
my advice: get out of your house for a little while, who knows what journey might ensue if you keep your mind open to new things. boredom is your view on the things around you, so switch it up to something new 
speaking of... ive been digging in the old pages of psychonaut topics for too long, im gonna go skate, it's sunny today.
i try not to insult fellow members anymore, but i have to agree here.. i honestly feel like sometimes you just post on a topic just to post for the sake of posting. there's definitely a difference in your posts though when your bored and when you aren't. when your not, the post flows alot more (better english imo) and generally makes me think, you've definitely got an interesting point of view.. when your bored, i cant read it.
if you're bored all the time then get off the computer for a bit. expand your body a little instead of only your mind. i know what extreme boredom feels like. (it was an aspect of my depression several years ago..) i've wasted countless hours in the day just reading shit that i didn't even care about, couldn't tell you a reason why other than i made myself so bored that i didn't even want to get up, because i was so bored..
my advice: get out of your house for a little while, who knows what journey might ensue if you keep your mind open to new things. boredom is your view on the things around you, so switch it up to something new speaking of... ive been digging in the old pages of psychonaut topics for too long, im gonna go skate, it's sunny today.
BrainEater
Banni
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omg yeah you're so right mate i feel where yer coming from and i'm so sorry to abuse your consciousness by posting shit when i am bored. i should consider the entertainment of others too while i write, and not only my own entertainment i have WHILE writing..big srry dudes i will try to think more before and while posting!!!!!
peace :weedman:
peace :weedman:
ararat
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
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thanks guys feels good to let go of labels, at least these ones.
there is always something to do. boredom is more apathy than a lack of options of what to do.
feels good to let go of labels, at least these ones. you could ask yourself why you are boredBrainEater a dit:hehehe yeah man but what can i do?? i am kind of bored most of the time....
there is always something to do. boredom is more apathy than a lack of options of what to do.
BrainEater
Banni
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yeah mate!! you're totally right i figured i had been lying to myself, too......
but then i need to convert apathy to boredom so that i can evaluate my options better! i mean boredom in itself is a cool thing, somehow i also enjoy doing nothing at all, but it's hard to be bored without being apathetic when in the back of your mind one negative thought spiral or something like that just goes on and on so i possibly am distracting myself with positive activities, because i want to feel the feeling of doing something positive and not negative.
probably i am too bored because i think i have too many options and therefore prefer to do nothing or to rush towards the fulfillment of the nearest goals.. hmm maybe i should really chill out in order to achieve more peace of mind.....
peace :weedman:
but then i need to convert apathy to boredom so that i can evaluate my options better! i mean boredom in itself is a cool thing, somehow i also enjoy doing nothing at all, but it's hard to be bored without being apathetic when in the back of your mind one negative thought spiral or something like that just goes on and on so i possibly am distracting myself with positive activities, because i want to feel the feeling of doing something positive and not negative.
probably i am too bored because i think i have too many options and therefore prefer to do nothing or to rush towards the fulfillment of the nearest goals.. hmm maybe i should really chill out in order to achieve more peace of mind.....
peace :weedman:
