Suicide will work that day for me, sorry nice friends

[Goran.Hrsak]

WHAT WAS HERE NOW IS BURIED!
AND NOBODY SHOULD SEE THAT DISTURBING AND UNHOLY TEARS AGAIN.

I KNOW THAT EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND

PEACE GUYS AND LADY'S, LIGHTS ON YOUR SHOULDERS WITH BLESSINGS FROM UNIVERSAL MIND AND FORCE.

 

[Meduzz]

Hey goran, come on...

Why don't you just leave croatia? It might be hard but it beats being dead...
You're pretty much the most experienced guy i know when it comes to cacti. Maybe you can write a book about cacti growing?

don't take the coward's way out...

....please....

 

[Goran.Hrsak]

Can you pay me and promise work in smart shop, coffee shop? Or Azarius like one? No you can't! I have survived shits from Serbs, theirs bombing! But I am not the one! The one with big secrets and gifts! So why to try anything? Please can you told me anything? I will have tomorrow 24 years! My hellish birthday! I can't take it anymore! So many asks for job applications and denial from job offers! My nation is hated by itself and hated by everyone! Parasites! Sorry man! I know that you have good intentions but you do not have power to do that! I am walking potentiality gift for "Azarius" kind's of shops! But they invite only their friends! United Europe? I wouldn't bet on it!

 

[Soulcatcher]

i sent you a pm.

 

[Guest]

Goran, we share so many ideas and a similar lifestyle that i can begin to understand what you feel and think. i haven't survived bombings. i haven't even heard the sound of a real explosion. you survived the fucking servians and now you are comparing that to finding a job and having a shitty personal life ? fuck croatia, fuck holland and fuck the european union. do you think that my country is not a peripherical shit that floats in the big european lake ? i have a shitty job, although i earn about 600€ a month, i many times get real hungry, because i have nothing to eat. i can't save any money to eat, let alone buy some drugs to have good fun. my life is home-work-home, and this is the price to pay just to starve a little at the end of each month and not go begging door-to-door. life is really not worth our pity or our anger. my life is also a shit, and i really am happy with it. i don't get along with my family, i have two friends that i see once a year, or once every two years. i am not very social, and deep loneliness is the price to pay, to the point where i don't know what to say to anyone, apart from my workmates, and the cashier at the supermarket. that's all the people i speak to everyday, and that's "good morning" and "see you later".
i would say to you to measure the consequences of your actions, but i know you good enough to know that you already did that and are more aware than anyone. so many places to work other than smartshops, goran! great jobs are there for you, even if they are not well payed. leave croatia and you'll see plenty of job offers in the little cities of italy, france, spain...
i don't urge you to do nothing. i hope that you won't do it, but hope is only a projection of the fear of what we think is going to happen. hope is the simplest way of tricking our minds to stick to their delusional certainties and blend into the fantasy world. you know better than anyone what you want and what you like. we all have our mountains to climb. you were born near a very high mountain, goran. it is very difficult to reach the top at the first try. there is no other place to train, go you have to climb a little, and stop for the night. life is not easy for the "european union expelled shit", as you nicely said. we have to get out of our miserable economies and try to keep up with central europe, in a matter of years. people are all crazy because of this. a peaceful, passive way of insanity. lost of linear thinking, inability to diagnose real problems, and, the worst of them all, loss of identity. we are not victims of this shit, were are simply the cut-offs, and we both know how hard it is to belive that this will really work when our stomachs growl at you every minute, demanding food, food, food. and you think "money". go looking for work and accept anything. many people do this and that's the reason because they are nuts. everyone thinks that they are being spied, followed and will be robbed soon. constantly evaluated their productiveness in the workplace, they have become paranoids, and with the situation that the world economy is living, many jobs are at stake. people get nervous and do silly things.
if you want, i can get you many jobs, badly paid, not smartshop related, but enough for living. in agricultural explorations, constructions and similar jobs... i can even help you with a little money if you want to move to my country. i can fix some homes, and you'll live a great life in a great place. friends are easy to make here. more, dear goran, i cannot do to help you. and from the bottom of my heart, be sure of your decision, and if everything else fails, you can always accept my proposal.

Love

 

[FreeNature]

Dear Goran, this is my very first reply on this forum though I visit it very often..
The reason i reply is that i don't like to see people kill themselves, it's some kind of way of showing the system, the people that want to keep you down, that they have won, they have yet broken another spirit. I have been through some shit in life but not as bad as you :s Don't kill yourself dude life sucks but try to make the best of it, it can be so beautiful...

Cheer up tomorrow comes another day full of oportunities..

peace

 

[Forkbender]

Yo Goran!

Take it easy, man! Create your own opportunities, you have got tons of talent, you just need to channel it.

Love,
Fork

 

[random]

Goran, death is the only thing we can say we will reach one day. Why reach it by our own decision? Why? If it's the only thing that is certain in life..

Life is not easy. No one said it is. But man, the Earth is a big place... you have many places to visit before you die. I mean... if I, one day, decide to comit suicide, before that... I would drag my body to the Amazon, or Tibet, or Africa, India, even the northpole or some island lost somewhere... At least I would have the taste of a thin spark of what Freedom feels, or represents.

You have legs, you have arms and hands. Rise yourself, and travel trough the World! If you don't feel ok there, don't fear to fly around the Earth. Run Like Hell! You will meet many people, you will share your knowledge, you will share your experiences, and you will LIVE!

Quoting a Wise person on this forum, Buffachino:

"As long as you disempower yourself to the complacent ideal of subservience to your Fear, you will never be Free. You don't need to continue buying back your humanity. Stop being complacent! Create your Own Life!"

Meditate , and imagine yourself traveling through the world. Try to feel it. That's my biggest dream. Don't be afraid!

Love

 

[Guest]

Hey Goran, I know we haven't been communicating much last year, but I still think you're a great addition to the forum and I hope we can read much more of your knowledge and share your company.
Don't do it man, it's not worth it and besides, these things aren't a Psychonauts way out.
I hope to hear from you soon man!

& :idea:


*

I have spoke with my mom bout this. And I am better, no more so hard pressure as it were. You can ask me what you want, no matter if you ask me hundreds times! Just ask!

Better now?

 

[user_1919]

Goran man! Please don't do it. You have me in tears here. You mean so much to me, and proabably every individual on this forum. You have been here for me everytime I have had a question about cacti growing. You have saved my peyotes numerous times. You mean A LOT to me. Please just reconisder your thoughts. I love you man. Not the sexual love, just the deep love and compassion I get when I am around people who really mean the world to me.

PEACE & LOVE

 

[buffachino]

Now comes the hardest test of all.

Faced with the pivotal dichotomy of existential reminiscence, you have a simple choice.

It is the same choice you have faced all your life.
Only this time you have given arbiter to the rampancy of emotion.

You have given the vibrancy of your energy to the hands of those without concern for life.
In death, you would have given them the only thing that they want.
The dictatorship of your continuity.
The bleeding heart of banished possibility.

Make the choice, because there is only one to make.
Fear, or Love.

Whatever the outcome, know that we will always love you.

 

[Brugmansia]

Yo Goran, take it easy, it's just a temporarly condition, giving it up makes it permanent.

You're just 24, remember that there's a common chance that you still have 60 years to go. Just keep the assumption that there will come a healing time with filled ambitions.

Remember that mescaline is the source of life, and the little sweet cacti love every man's heart, and they'll be in tears if the man takes his own heart.

Watch this vid.

 

[MindAstronaut]

Goran, youre one of the most extraordinary people ever here on this forum, it would be a real loss, please reconsider your choice, life is way to precious for something like this.
Suicide means another reincarnation on earth, you will probaly have the same problems/learings to deal with just like now, so either way its not a solution. it only takes you way back. but now your here, alive too deal with your problems. plz pm me if i can help you out in anyway..

I hope you stay with us..

Lots of Love, Light and Oneness

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

No! You've got to wait a bit more. The day when headshops will open in Croatia (and other countries) is fast approaching! How can we win this War On Drugs if those on our side start committing suicide?

 

[Goran.Hrsak]

THANX PEOPLE FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
I am Border line personality or what the hell that means?! (this has been my first diagnosis after firsts suicide attempt when I were 13 years old), with depressive mood disorder diagnosis also.

When I were 15 years old, first&second with observation of third psychiatrists processed ONE WHOLE YEAR LONG PSYCHE TEST and conclusion were:

BASE Diagnosis is Cyclothymia
SECOND Diagnosis which abuts on BASE were Atypical depression disorder with signs of Ultradian bipolar disorder
THIRD Diagnosis was ADD(not ADHD) which is result from traumatically childhood and BASE+SECOND diagnosis. Various, complex behaviors and disturbances are highly stimulated with patient genius Intelligence Quotient (141 with 14years, 143 with 15years ,146 with 17years)

Cyclothymia is declared as Depressive mood in general with fairly Hypomanial outbursts!, once or twice every two months. Blunted affect of Ultradian bipolar or/and atypical depressive disorder produce resistance to classically antidepressant therapy.
Patient has gone trough various medicamental therapy

SSRI
(Prozac-fluoxetine from 20mg to 80mg per day)
(Seroxat- paroxetine from 10mg to 60mg per day)
(Zoloft- sertraline from 50mg to 250mg per day)
(Cipralex- escitalopram from 10 to 45mg per day)
(Fevarin- fluvoksamin from 100mg to 350mg per day)
SSRI have made improvements but after three months drug starts to wear of.

MAOi and riMAO
(Aurorix- meclobemide from 150mg to 600mg per day)
(Niar and Jumex- selegilinum from 20mg to 40mg per day)
MAOi and riMAO produced remission of problems but after 6 months effects starts to wear of.

Tricyclic antidepressants and SNRI (I have used 5-6 of them) produced little or no effect.

NEW EXPERIMENTAL Therapy is very atypical for depression treatment, but symptoms are diminished and patient confirmed highly improvement.

THERAPY IS:
300mg milligrams of Morphine sulphate sustained relive formula
40mg of Methylphenidate
3mg of alprazolam in sustained relive formula
300microgram of Clonidine
125mg of methadone

I have gave up from methadone and Clonidine, and morphine is also reduced
I have show my patient history sheet record

THANX YOU GUYS FOR NICE THOUGHTS AND SUPPORT!
I have been in darkness of Cyclothymia and Atypical depression last 5 days. I am afraid of it! When it starts there is no light! No hope! But my IQ save me from suicide attempts! Also you have gave me enormous support! THANX YOU GUYS.

Daytripper, I will seriously think about your offer! I have computer (hardware knowledge and medium software) and also have big psychonaut knowledge. You and everyone have seen it! :wink: So I would like to fulfill my capabilities somewhere where my work would be appreciated. I can work here as construction worker for 675€ but why have I finished schools? I can work, and work hardly!, but my problem is to find that job! Those interweaves are my worst nightmares. THANX AGAIN MY FELLOW PSYCHONAUT FRIENDS, THANX AGAIN!

 

[Forkbender]

^Good to hear.

It's hard being so intelligent, isn't it?

But remember the words of Joseph Campbell:

"Follow your bliss!"

 

[silv]

Dude, first off I don't wanna claim I know about anything you've experienced but what I can tell you is that whenever you feel all alone and depressed you need to know that there is a forum full of people all over the world (as this thread shows you) thinking about you and sending positive vibrations your way.
You are an enrichment to this world, never forget that!

Bless and Love!

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

yes indeed

 

[Guest]

hasn't goran said that friday is his birthday ?
shame on you, CaduceusMercurius, for trying strange, ancient hermetic tricking methods of deceiveness!


Goran, PM me if you really want to go ahead with this, i can give you some help with stores that sell computers, or media hardware...and thank you for thinking this over.



[edited]

 

[user_1919]

Thank you Goran for reconsidering! I could not get this off my mind all day and all night. I had trouble sleeping and today was very hard because I was running off only a few hours of sleep, but now I am realieved, thank you!

PEACE & LOVE