SEX!

[myst1c]

Okay. I have been reading a lot on this forum and have learned a lot the last few weeks. I haven't been posting much, since I don't really have anything to add, but I do have some things on my mind right now that I wanted to get your opinion on.

I have a girlfriend now for more than 4 years. She is really good to me in the sense that she stimulates those things within myself that I need to develop. Points out my blind spots, so to say. And she really knows how to do it in a way that I cannot neglect. My biggest blind spot is sex. I have a very ambiguous attitude towards it. It is surrounded by feelings of pleasure, bliss, joy, but also by feelings of shame, guilt and fear. I have grown a habit of avoiding it as much as possible and my girlfriend is becoming frustrated.

This habit actually made me believe I didn't want sex, that I didn't want to get close to someone, that it was a waste of energy. Everything always seems so heavy and loaded. I don't like it. I do have sex with my girlfriend every now and then (once twice a week), but I never get really into it if you get what I mean. We have tried tantric methods and this is really interesting, but still doesn't help us get to it. Once we get to it, it is mostly pleasurable, but I have problems recognizing that my girlfriend wants to have sex and even that I want to have sex, it is so unconscious!

I frankly don't know what to do. I wish I could just uncover myself, grow up and get on with it without feeling bad about it. Why has a cultural taboo had such an influence on me? How can I free myself from all this bullshit?

 

[GOD]

High myst1c ,

" Why has a cultural taboo had such an influence on me?"

What do you mean by that please ?

Please dont feel bad about what i say now but if you love your girlfriend and yourself you should go to a doctors and have a therapy . It would probably be better if both of you went . You seem to have a girlfriend that every man dreams about . It would be a tragody if you split up . Your issue isnt big or hard to solve . There must be a reason why you feel like you do , maybe something in your past . I think you have a right to good sex and it doesnt matter how you feel about it now that can change if you try to do something now . Imagine seeing your lady and smiling , walking up to her , telling her you love her and fucking her till she squeals for joy . Imagine getting a hard on just thinking about her . Can you imagine how she would feel , how it would bond you together . I think you owe it to her in a nice sort of way to pay back her investment in you . I think you would feel fantastic .

Love GOD

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Don't make me call you a horny psychedelic bunny on a red bike with a strange smile GOD !

Okay we all know thats your avatar, right ? huuuuuuuh.

It seems to me you are a very sensitive man, I would try to fix that on my own before going to a doctor and end up with a pill or two thats going to numb your mind and potential in life.

First of all objectively when we speak of sex ; fucking till she squeals with joy is rather an animalistic view, I'm certain we all agree it's fun , but thats not fulfilling sex for a loving couple, thats raw sex for two good friends.

So next step is finding out what gives you these feelings and when. Where are you from ? What culture are you talking about ? Do you feel the shame, before, during or after ?

I beleive I can clear this question for you if you provide a little more information that should not have you give us all the details of your intimacy.

 

[GOD]

Ahuaeynjxs , be VERY carefull what you say you are treading on very thin ice now . It would be better if you left this thread NOW . If you dont the people who run the site are going to have to choose between you and a lot of well respected members . If you noticed last week there was protest against you and the site posts went down by nearly 50% . If you carry on it will get worse . There will be a revolution here . So shut the fuck up and fuck off out of this thread NOW .

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

I know exactly what is going on here, don't worry for me.

Is that a threat ?

Since you're my elder I will trust your intuition, but it's already too late, he said he read alot on the forum lately, and I have talked about sex.

You don't even know how young they are, I might be better suited to answer than you.

But... sure, why not, you've just moderated me.

 

[Guest]

Even if from the few I read from Ahuaeynjxs's made me believe that we have a very different way to apprehend life, I believe that his answer was quite good in it's on way (as was yours, GOD), therefore I don't think he deserved such a bash.

 

[GOD]

I didnt say that as a moderator . I said it personaly . FUCK OFF you are not helping you are being a complete arsehole . It wasnt a threat it was a promise . You are an evil bastard and you are shitting in the face of a person whos looking for answers .

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Thats because you assume crystal children need the same kind of satisfaction in life than you adults.

You anticipate my move, as if it was a war.

Now see your own power reflected in my mind. I would have heeded your moderator veto, because I recognize it equally in a community, not depending on the powers you have.

But since it's personal, you will eventually realise I have no persona, that why my actions make you feel anger, as much as joy, and playfullness.

It's about time you took responsability for amping up yet another peaceful discussion.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

It is surrounded by feelings of pleasure, bliss, joy, but also by feelings of shame, guilt and fear. I have grown a habit of avoiding it as much as possible and my girlfriend is becoming frustrated.

There's not really a social taboo on intimacy, it's impossible to feel guilty about looking someone in the eyes and smiling. How's the kissing, hugging and talking going between you? Do you have relatively similar lifestyles?

 

[GOD]

Tiax there was not one single helpfull word in his first post and now hes edited it again how can anyone know . He has edited one post after another and now whole threads dont make sense anymore .

I`m sorry myst1c this problem has been growing since the guy joined the site and hes dragging the level down to that of a mental hospital . If you still feel lke it please carry on and i`m sure the sane people here will try to help you . When i said therapy i wasnt talking about taking pills . I`m talking about just talking . Its realy good and one feels much better afterwards and it usualy helps solve the issue . I`ve had massive problems in my life and when things got to much for me to function properly i went to doctors , therapists , psychologists and psychiatrists . After i talked the problems werent so bad ior went away completely .

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

That was my guess CM, biochemical differences can trigger those feelings in young sensitive people, because there is lots of hormonal exchange through bloodflow in lovemaking.

And god... sorry but I have not edited ONE post, none of them actually says edited, and furthermore, I have no idea why you say I would do such a thing. This is just like Douglas calling me a liar, why ? What for... the guy just asked for opinions, but I have not enough data to formulate one, whats wrong with this ?

Like I said talking might be good for you, but for younger people that are different nowadays FYI biochemically AND mentally ; it might just be the thing that breaks them apart.

It takes alot of courage to come forward amongst obviously psychic people asking for advice, I would say the talking is done.

 

[TheSearchForSoma]

Hello myst1c,

Personally I would advise you the same thing as GOD did.
Indeed seeing a doctor does not mean you will be given pills beyond your will. If you rather prefer to talk to a therapist, it can be an enormous relief. In many cultures man find it difficult to admit they have some kind of "problem" with having sex, but you have to know you're certainly not the only one. Therapists deal with such problems every day!

I wish you the very best! You are very lucky to have such a girlfriend, and i'm sure everything will be allright !

 

[Rei]

Listen to god and thesearchforsoma. Get a therapist, he or she will guide you from there.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

It's not so simple. Finding a good therapist can be difficult. And this doesn't sound like a job for a therapist yet.

 

[GOD]

If its not a problem for a therapist what solutions could there be ? What ways could myst1c go to get peace of mind ? Its a purely psychelogical issue and the roots need to be found and solved . The fact that myst1c asks here means that the issue is something he has issues with dealing with and thinks he needs advice .

Exactly whats your advice ?

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

It's kind of funny because I had the same kind of discussions with people and doctors a few years ago that told me all depression was psychological and there was issues to be DUG UP, deep deep hidden in the psyche... reminds me of many old tales with MORALS.

of course we all have issues, we all have karma, but thats rarely causes you not to enjoy sex...

Since last year they are passing publicity on the tv here, they say : Depression is a PHYSIOLOGICAL problem, noone is safe from it.

Very dramatic publicity at that, because so much people had no psychological problem, and ended up finding some very deep after the psychologist and therapist put them through a serie of strange tests.

There were lawsuits and then the governement was forced to create those publicities to educate both doctors and patients.

Thats the only reason I'm not letting you step over my feet here... I'm not saying all therapists are bad, you might find one like Robin Williams in good Will Hunting... but thats movies man.

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying lets see first.

I have felt bad about sex in the past, and very quick during lovemaking sometimes, because the girl biochemistry was geared on dopamine, I felt terrible in many ways since I was different, and I tought it was all my fault. It was just my body trying to tell me something, the endocrine system is very complex and that could be due to many things.

 

[TheSearchForSoma]

You have to feel it for yourself ofcourse myst1c. It depends on the "urgency" of the situation,and how you and your girlfriend feel about it yourselves.
All i can say is there are probably multiple ways of dealing with this unconvenience. But talking to a therapist is (in my point of view)most likely a trustable and effective one.
Also, i think there are a lot of therapists who know how to deal with this,because it's not uncommon. Indeed it depends on where you live, but finding a good therapist is never impossible. Maybe you need to google around a bit,or email someone who can give you adresses.
Or maybe get advise from your "personal doctor" (i don't know the word for this in english ,excuse me) i you have a good relation with him/her.
And most important of all, talk about this with your girlfriend too

Good luck!

 

[druglessdouglas]

Ahuaeynjxs what treatment do you recieve for your mania?

 

[GOD]

What ever he gets for his psychiatric problems its obviously not enough .

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Sweetness gracious, you're obcessed by me !

:finga:

In your dreams !