GOD
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
- Inscrit
- 14/1/06
- Messages
- 14 944
This not realy interesting , its just some very personal , emotional shit that i need to get of my chest and its a bit long .
I had been sitting here trying to be positive after falling in a hole and having a MEGA depresion at christmas because my daughter didnt send me a card or make an apointment to see me . Shes 17 and we havent seen eachother for 14 years . We got contact again because i got a bill at the start of last august for 98 Euros a day to pay for her stay in a hostel for girls with problems and battered wives . There was no information about where she was so i got my mate AJ the pimp to hack the local governments childrens department computer and he found out the adress and telephone number . I rang her up , wich caused a bit of a panic there as its supposed to be secret , and we had contact through email untill the middle of december . Then the contact broke off and i have no idea why . Wich is fucking my head up . I can only asume that her mother found out and stopped it . I spent 9 years fighting in courts against her mentaly ill mother . I wasnt alowed to have legal aid because the courts said that i had no chance of winning as i am an unmaryed father so i didnt have a soliciter . The courts also told me that i couldnt defend myself by proving that the mother was mentaly ill or that all her acusations against me were lies because if i did the preasure would upset the mother from the time i started to offer proof untill i proved it and that would not be to the benefit of my child . That that would take months if not years because it would take several court aperances and maybe an apeal . The courts said that if i did try that i would have a court order made against me saying that i could never see my daughter again and would have to stay at least 2 kilometers away from her or i would go to prison .So i lived for 9 years as a outcast with no legal rights . I lost all my friends , my job , my flat and all my posesions because of the psychoterror from the mother spreading lies about me . I could not have a telephone or an adress because if i did and she found out i got anonymous fon calls , she put adverts in the most perverse magazines saying i wanted the most perverse sorts of sex , i got piles of post every day and endless things that i hadnt ordered and bills to pay for things that i had never ordered or seen . She tried to get people to beat me up and kept ringing the social security and the job center up and said i was working black so they stoped my money over and over again . I spent years sleeping in a flat that was a building site , in cellars , garages , in homeless mens hostels and at friends apartments . After 9 years of hell i won in court and the mother admited that all her storys against me we lies , that i had not beaten her up and that my story was true . I proved that she had lied to all the government departments , that she had abused my child and had had a psychiatrists therapy because of it . The judge told her to go back to her psychiatrist and get help and finish her therapy . He made an order that i could see my child any time i wanted and that if the mother got in the way she would have to pay 50,000 Euros penalty . She took no notice and i still couldnt see my daughter . No one was there , my exfriends , the people from where i had worked or my neighbours . No on knows , so as far as the rest of the world that i live in is concerned she is a battered mother , i beat her up , i`m a gangster , mafiosi , heroin smugler and dealer and a pimp . As the british saying goes "Shit sticks" , wich means it doesnt matter what the truth is , if you are acused of being something you can never wash yourself 100% clean .
Then i found out that my mother , who had been telling me for 30 years that she was poor and had no money is a millionair and lives in a house with about 20 bedrooms .
Then i found out that she now has alzheimers and that her husband is milking her and slowly selling everything off behind her back and keeping the money for himself .
So i was in hell again untill i got a PM from Roeligan and one from CaduceusMercurius wich helped me out of the shit and back into a state where i could function . I was sitting here thinking that my life can only get better , that i had had everything bad that could happen to a person happen to me and come through it . So i started writing on the forum again .
Then today the shit realy hit the fan . I had an apointment at my lung specialist and was suposed to get wired up to a machine for the night because i have sleep apnoe ........since i stoped smoking grass ........last august after i got contact to my daughter . After half an hour of waiting my doctor came out of his room and walked up to me and said that he had cancled our apointment because it was irelevant and that i had to see the profesor . So i knew that there must be something wrong , but i didnt know what . At first i thought that i must have something like lung cancer and that i would die or at least have to have a lung transplant . I decided no mater what i would not have a lung transplant and was quite pleased that i was going to die . I was even looking forward to it , finaly an end to all the torture , that i was going home again , back to god . I was quite amused thinking about how he was going to tell me as i have had doctors have dificulty trying to find the words to tell me twice before that there was nothing that they could do and that i was going to die . One time i lay in a room and waited 6 weeks to die , watching as i slowly went blind . I had a white light experience and was shown my life and all my posible lives . It was the most valid and beautiful experience that i had ever had . It was imaculate , whiter than white , warmer than warm , pure love and total satisfaction . I didnt want to come back , i was at home . But as we see i am here again , i got sent back to be my daughters father . Then after 4 hours of waiting i got called into the profesors office and he spent half an hour telling me about what a good condition i am in and that all the tests were realy good . I knew that he was building up to something and was realy pleased , thinking about dying and going home to meet me again .
Then he broke the buble and told me that i have hepatitus b and will have to take interferon . I just dont understand where the fuck i could have got it from . Non of my sex partners has got it and i have regular blood tests every year wich have always been very positive for me . The only place it can have come from is the dentists just before christmas , exactly at the time the contact stoped with my daughter , thats the only place where i have been given injections from a reuseable syrynge .
So unfortunately i`m not going home , yet , as Frank Zappa sung "The torture never stops" . But i am looking forwards to a new adventure and to beating a new enemy , shit fucking hepatitus b . I`m going to win . I`m going to enjoy all those nice nurses and ask every single one if they fancy a fuck . Now i have no reason to live , i have a reason to live . Just to beat the shit that has acompanyed me my whole "life" .
Has anyone out there got experience with hepititus b or interferon ? I´d like to know what i can expect and how long the treatment is going to take . If anyone has any knowledge or experience on the subject please let me know .
Roeligan thats why i stoped writing in the thread where we were talking about children and psychedelic therapy . Someone wrote me several PMs acusing me of being a bad and iresponsible parent and acused me of abusing my daughter by giving her the mushroom trip that she had when she was 3 years old . It wasnt me . I came to a field and met her and her mother and saw imediatly that she was on a trip . The mother flipped out at me because i said that it was wrong and she threatened to call her father and brother , who were nearby and had guns with them . They are both hunters and kill animals for fun . So i had to go , i had no other choice than to hope that my little girl would be ok . I didnt take the bus or the train home . I walked about 25 kilometers home crying my eyes out all the way and praying to god to look after my daughter . She had to grow up with no father and obviously has problems because of it , and all she has ever heard about me are her motherrs sick lies .
I had been sitting here trying to be positive after falling in a hole and having a MEGA depresion at christmas because my daughter didnt send me a card or make an apointment to see me . Shes 17 and we havent seen eachother for 14 years . We got contact again because i got a bill at the start of last august for 98 Euros a day to pay for her stay in a hostel for girls with problems and battered wives . There was no information about where she was so i got my mate AJ the pimp to hack the local governments childrens department computer and he found out the adress and telephone number . I rang her up , wich caused a bit of a panic there as its supposed to be secret , and we had contact through email untill the middle of december . Then the contact broke off and i have no idea why . Wich is fucking my head up . I can only asume that her mother found out and stopped it . I spent 9 years fighting in courts against her mentaly ill mother . I wasnt alowed to have legal aid because the courts said that i had no chance of winning as i am an unmaryed father so i didnt have a soliciter . The courts also told me that i couldnt defend myself by proving that the mother was mentaly ill or that all her acusations against me were lies because if i did the preasure would upset the mother from the time i started to offer proof untill i proved it and that would not be to the benefit of my child . That that would take months if not years because it would take several court aperances and maybe an apeal . The courts said that if i did try that i would have a court order made against me saying that i could never see my daughter again and would have to stay at least 2 kilometers away from her or i would go to prison .So i lived for 9 years as a outcast with no legal rights . I lost all my friends , my job , my flat and all my posesions because of the psychoterror from the mother spreading lies about me . I could not have a telephone or an adress because if i did and she found out i got anonymous fon calls , she put adverts in the most perverse magazines saying i wanted the most perverse sorts of sex , i got piles of post every day and endless things that i hadnt ordered and bills to pay for things that i had never ordered or seen . She tried to get people to beat me up and kept ringing the social security and the job center up and said i was working black so they stoped my money over and over again . I spent years sleeping in a flat that was a building site , in cellars , garages , in homeless mens hostels and at friends apartments . After 9 years of hell i won in court and the mother admited that all her storys against me we lies , that i had not beaten her up and that my story was true . I proved that she had lied to all the government departments , that she had abused my child and had had a psychiatrists therapy because of it . The judge told her to go back to her psychiatrist and get help and finish her therapy . He made an order that i could see my child any time i wanted and that if the mother got in the way she would have to pay 50,000 Euros penalty . She took no notice and i still couldnt see my daughter . No one was there , my exfriends , the people from where i had worked or my neighbours . No on knows , so as far as the rest of the world that i live in is concerned she is a battered mother , i beat her up , i`m a gangster , mafiosi , heroin smugler and dealer and a pimp . As the british saying goes "Shit sticks" , wich means it doesnt matter what the truth is , if you are acused of being something you can never wash yourself 100% clean .
Then i found out that my mother , who had been telling me for 30 years that she was poor and had no money is a millionair and lives in a house with about 20 bedrooms .
Then i found out that she now has alzheimers and that her husband is milking her and slowly selling everything off behind her back and keeping the money for himself .
So i was in hell again untill i got a PM from Roeligan and one from CaduceusMercurius wich helped me out of the shit and back into a state where i could function . I was sitting here thinking that my life can only get better , that i had had everything bad that could happen to a person happen to me and come through it . So i started writing on the forum again .
Then today the shit realy hit the fan . I had an apointment at my lung specialist and was suposed to get wired up to a machine for the night because i have sleep apnoe ........since i stoped smoking grass ........last august after i got contact to my daughter . After half an hour of waiting my doctor came out of his room and walked up to me and said that he had cancled our apointment because it was irelevant and that i had to see the profesor . So i knew that there must be something wrong , but i didnt know what . At first i thought that i must have something like lung cancer and that i would die or at least have to have a lung transplant . I decided no mater what i would not have a lung transplant and was quite pleased that i was going to die . I was even looking forward to it , finaly an end to all the torture , that i was going home again , back to god . I was quite amused thinking about how he was going to tell me as i have had doctors have dificulty trying to find the words to tell me twice before that there was nothing that they could do and that i was going to die . One time i lay in a room and waited 6 weeks to die , watching as i slowly went blind . I had a white light experience and was shown my life and all my posible lives . It was the most valid and beautiful experience that i had ever had . It was imaculate , whiter than white , warmer than warm , pure love and total satisfaction . I didnt want to come back , i was at home . But as we see i am here again , i got sent back to be my daughters father . Then after 4 hours of waiting i got called into the profesors office and he spent half an hour telling me about what a good condition i am in and that all the tests were realy good . I knew that he was building up to something and was realy pleased , thinking about dying and going home to meet me again .
Then he broke the buble and told me that i have hepatitus b and will have to take interferon . I just dont understand where the fuck i could have got it from . Non of my sex partners has got it and i have regular blood tests every year wich have always been very positive for me . The only place it can have come from is the dentists just before christmas , exactly at the time the contact stoped with my daughter , thats the only place where i have been given injections from a reuseable syrynge .
So unfortunately i`m not going home , yet , as Frank Zappa sung "The torture never stops" . But i am looking forwards to a new adventure and to beating a new enemy , shit fucking hepatitus b . I`m going to win . I`m going to enjoy all those nice nurses and ask every single one if they fancy a fuck . Now i have no reason to live , i have a reason to live . Just to beat the shit that has acompanyed me my whole "life" .
Has anyone out there got experience with hepititus b or interferon ? I´d like to know what i can expect and how long the treatment is going to take . If anyone has any knowledge or experience on the subject please let me know .
Roeligan thats why i stoped writing in the thread where we were talking about children and psychedelic therapy . Someone wrote me several PMs acusing me of being a bad and iresponsible parent and acused me of abusing my daughter by giving her the mushroom trip that she had when she was 3 years old . It wasnt me . I came to a field and met her and her mother and saw imediatly that she was on a trip . The mother flipped out at me because i said that it was wrong and she threatened to call her father and brother , who were nearby and had guns with them . They are both hunters and kill animals for fun . So i had to go , i had no other choice than to hope that my little girl would be ok . I didnt take the bus or the train home . I walked about 25 kilometers home crying my eyes out all the way and praying to god to look after my daughter . She had to grow up with no father and obviously has problems because of it , and all she has ever heard about me are her motherrs sick lies .
