Falling In Love?

[MissDarling]

Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin than short-term relationships have.[9] In 2005, Italian scientists at Pavia University found that a protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these levels return to as they were after one year. Specifically, four neurotrophin levels, i.e. NGF, BDNF, NT-3, and NT-4, of 58 subjects who had recently fallen in love were compared with levels in a control group who were either single or already engaged in a long-term relationship. The results showed that NGF levels were significantly higher in the subjects in love than as compared to either of the control groups.[10]

Quoted from wikipedia. I think that falling in love is a very interesting mental state, one that hasn't been studied enough, I know when I first started dating the guy I'm currently with I was living a sort of constant high, although being separated was painful. It was also a very empathogenic high, giving me feelings of intense connection to the rest of humanity and the world.

Anyone else have opinions on this?

 

[Lion]

i haven't been in love for quite some time...

 

[restin]

partner-love is an ultimate (evolutionary) effect. During hunter-gatherer times, males had to be sure that the children their females bearing were theirs and to bring structure for a tribe. So, through "love", males could be sure that their "wives" wouldn't copulate and females could be sure that males wouldn't go on "adventures" (as females were gatherers and males hunters).

If you think that's too old, remember that the kiss had also a practical reason when we were apes...

If you think it isn't romantic enough or that I did never feel love:

You don't have to believe in God to feel divinity...

 

[MissDarling]

partner-love is an ultimate (evolutionary) effect. During hunter-gatherer times, males had to be sure that the children their females bearing were theirs and to bring structure for a tribe. So, through "love", males could be sure that their "wives" wouldn't copulate and females could be sure that males wouldn't go on "adventures" (as females were gatherers and males hunters).

If you think that's too old, remember that the kiss had also a practical reason when we were apes...

If you think it isn't romantic enough or that I did never feel love:

You don't have to believe in God to feel divinity...

I agree that it's evolutionary, and a chemical process, however I think that that view doesn't remove any of its value, or romance. It's more, isn't it romantic that we're overwhelmed by these warm fuzzy chemical reactions?

 

[st.bot.32]

Agreed, falling for someone can be very much like an incredible high, it changes the way you see the world!

isn't it romantic that we're overwhelmed by these warm fuzzy chemical reactions?

It's one of the loveliest things ever IMO.

And learning a little bit about the biological side of things actually increases the marvel of it I think... it reveals just how little we really do understand it. Even being aware of all the neurotransmitters, 5H-T receptors and hormones firing won't make you a better lover. Unless your partner has a thing for geekiness

 

[Forkbender]

I have the feeling I'm falling in love with the universe.

It might have been the acid, though...

 

[tryptonaut]

In my opinion many psychedelics like shrooms, lsd, mescaline, mdma (if you want to call it a psychedelic) can evoke the feeling of love just like if you were in love with a person, only that with the psychedelics you don't have a clear aim for your love.

 

[st.bot.32]

love, joy, ecstasy from just being alive, breathing, experiencing.

 

[GOD]

Good topic . I`m lucky , i`ve got good taste and have no trouble falling in love . I get that experience , study it and bath in it every day when i look in the mirror . I dont understand why all the good looking women in the world arent camping on my door step though ? Its a pity one cant buy it as a spray and advertise ones magnificence more directly rather than keep getting told to get lost and stop drooling . I must be missing something though because i either dont see women as potential partners or i put a sort of what if template on them , worship them from afar and shit out when it comes to making a start . I either think they cant be interested in me because i`ve got no money or because they might think i`m boring . On the one hand sure i want unbridaled sex ,..... ( dumb little boys / mans fantasys of being erol flyn ) , but on the other hand what i realy want is someone to be warm with , to trust , to be a partner with , to be able to respect and care about and to be respected and cared about . I think paradise is having a real parner , that one human bean is a man and a woman together . That i cant develope myself and be whole when i`m alone . 1 and 1 = ONE .

 

[magickmumu]

I have the feeling I'm falling in love with the universe.

It might have been the acid, though...

me to. when is she going to break my hearth.

I am still in love. :heart:
Let's smoke the hearth of god.

 

[MissDarling]

Good topic . I`m lucky , i`ve got good taste and have no trouble falling in love . I get that experience , study it and bath in it every day when i look in the mirror . I dont understand why all the good looking women in the world arent camping on my door step though ? Its a pity one cant buy it as a spray and advertise ones magnificence more directly rather than keep getting told to get lost and stop drooling . I must be missing something though because i either dont see women as potential partners or i put a sort of what if template on them , worship them from afar and shit out when it comes to making a start . I either think they cant be interested in me because i`ve got no money or because they might think i`m boring . On the one hand sure i want unbridaled sex ,..... ( dumb little boys / mans fantasys of being erol flyn ) , but on the other hand what i realy want is someone to be warm with , to trust , to be a partner with , to be able to respect and care about and to be respected and cared about . I think paradise is having a real parner , that one human bean is a man and a woman together . That i cant develope myself and be whole when i`m alone . 1 and 1 = ONE .

Some of us don't care about money... I currently pay my boyfriend's rent, grocery bill, and pretty much whatever else his little heart desires, because he's a musician (IE: Poor) and I love him... and if I didn't spend it on him I'd just spend it on expensive moisturizer, and shoes.

 

[GOD]

Your not the only one . 2 years ago a realy nice , intelligent , good looking woman asked me to come to her weekend house with her , ofered to have a kid with me , ofered to get a house in the country , told me i could have a pitbull , hang around in the garden all day , grow dope , watch TV and cary on being unemployed . She said she had enough money and she had a car = she could ferry me to the dealers and look after me . I didnt bite because i hadnt had a shower for a few days because i was depressed...... Now i realise every day that that was the opertunity of my life and i messed it up . I could shoot myself .

 

[Dervish]

Very good topic indeed.

The ultimate aim of sufism is to reach the love of God and more importantlly to be loved by God. There were many old eastern stories (like Pharhat and Shyrin) that a man falls in love with a girl, can not reach her, but his love for her gets so stronger that he finds love of God at the end. After then, he can not even recognize her loved one when he meets her as he has already found the "real love".

Love is something that a sufi should learn beforehand... A man asks a sufi master whether he could be a student of him. The master asks "have you ever loved a girl?" Man replies "No". The master says "go! you should first learn how to fall in love"

In my thought that "love state" provides a hormonal milleau that endogenous DMT is released best. So if one learns the how to reach the state of love, he can direct it towards God and reach the ultimate love and joy. Everything you love is created by God, it is the source of all beauties that you ever liked, so it should be the one to be loved.

In these eastern stories, common point is they're all desperate. So to sustain the state of love, seperation seems to be mandatory. Perhaps hormones of sexual intercourse may actually harm endogenous DMT secretion.

In fact, the biggest deficiency in todays world is of love. In west you have sex but not true love. In muslim world, love is regarded as an immoral act. So people without love - an American or an al-kaida militant - kill other people in the name of God or Allah. When you don't fill your heart with love, it gets filled with hate.

People should be trained to love. Love a girl, love a flower, love even a piece of stone, but learn to love with all your heart - without greed.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

People should be trained to love. Love a girl, love a flower, love even a piece of stone, but learn to love with all your heart - without greed.

You can't be trained to love. You can be trained and learn to listen, communicate, make love, and many other things that will enhance love, between you and the girl that is. The "love" we feel for stones and flowers is and always will be another type of emotion, and it's an altogether different type of relationship. And loving God, that has absolutely nothing in common with falling in love with a girl. They say something similar in India (in the school of bhakti yoga), that you can fall in love with God by practice (training), and that if you're succesful God will fall in love with /feel indepted to you. A very charming concept, but this type of love usually brings in concepts of monotheism, which are based on the dualistic notion that God and self are different (so they can interact and be lovers). It also makes people behave really weird: religious, doing rituals and saying prayers, and being uptight about all kinds of things.

The master asks "have you ever loved a girl?" Man replies "No". The master says "go! you should first learn how to fall in love"

I find the "go!" kind of misplaced, as if you can go somewhere and fall in love. It's something that happens to you or doesn't. If a system of enlightenment depends on experience with love within human relationships, most of us wouldn't get very far. If the system of enlightenment would solely be based on improving relationships amongst two human beings, it would be more realistic and useful.

 

[druglessdouglas]

ive been in love a few times. its not entirely a good thing, being obsessed with someone else (or yourself), it can be very destructive and you can forget who you are. im enjoying being single and occasionally having meaningless sex.
all i can say on love: contains a source of phenylalanine

 

[GOD]

Love and obsesion are totaly diferent things . Obsesion is not healthy .

I never have sex with other peoples wives or girlfriends even though its ofered to me often . I`m monogomous , i dont fuck around and i dont have sex without a relationship . Love and sex are not time fillers or distractions from the boredom or problems of my life , they are a part of my ultimate goal , the ultimate satisfaction = A real sincere , working , loving , respectfull relationship .

 

[Lion]

Love and obsesion are totaly diferent things . Obsesion is not healthy .

I never have sex with other peoples wives or girlfriends even though its ofered to me often . I`m monogomous , i dont fuck around and i dont have sex without a relationship . Love and sex are not time fillers or distractions from the boredom or problems of my life , they are a part of my ultimate goal , the ultimate satisfaction = A real sincere , working , loving , respectfull relationship .

respect

 

[Mara]

GOD I'm surprised how romantic you are Respect indeed!

Love is amazing yes... When I'm in love (and I still am) the world seems like a better place, and it doesn't matter if it rains or if it's sunny.

I remember having a conversation with an older woman. She was complaining about the rain. I told her: "Ah, but that doesn't matter when you're in love, right?" She said: "Love?! Haha! I'm married!" I guess the stages of a relationship explain this conversation.

But what about the sentence "love makes you blind"? Have any of you guys (and girl) experienced this?

 

[Horrigan]

I think we say love is blind because loves sees, but always pretend not to.

 

[GOD]

"GOD I'm surprised how romantic you are "

1 . I`ve had a lot of practice being in love with myself . I dont want to fuck with anyone elses wife and cheat her man just as much as i dont want my friend to fuck with other men . I also dont want to wake up next to someone and think how am i going to get rid of them , or realise that i only slept with them because i was drunk . If one only wants sex one can have a wank or go to a whore .

2 . I`m not suprised at how beautiful , genial , amazing and wonderfull i am , i`m just suprised that women dont notice and form ques / camp on my doorstep , or when they see me on the street have spontanious orgasms .

"Love?! Haha! I'm married!"

If i heard my woman say that and she ment it or i felt like that i would GO . The first few months / few years are probably / usualy different and more intense than later . But i think it changes to mutual respect and a sort of getting used to and not wanting to be without them ...... just like when you have a pair of trousers or tshirt that looks old and wrinkled but you cant imagine throwing it away and dont want a new one . I think / hope that it was just a coment and that if you asked her does she mean the first feelings of falling in love or is she realy only in a relationship because shes in the relationship she would answer diferently ? Maybe its a thing to ask older people about . When i see pensioners walking and holding hands i feel like giving them a hug because they have sussed one of the secrets of life .


"love makes you blind"

It shouldnt but it is often a case for some people of looking the other way because a person is frightened of loosing their partner . Its called infatuation and i`ve experienced it and promised myself i`d never fall into that trap again . That means for me either it works , both partners show it , talk fully about any issues and keep agreed rules or i GO imidiately . If my partner has a problem or makes me feel she isnt talking / sharing i say OK i dont feel good please talk to me now and clear it up . If she says no i say OK lets make an apointment either on a day or within a few days / a week and if she doesnt i GO . I have no time to be used or tortured . If it doesnt work it doesnt work and i`d rather be alone with the only one left i love ......... me .