I'm going to ignore the distractions and get back on topic. My post is going to be long. Let's face it, reality can't be editied into a little clap-happy sound bite for those with ADHD.
First of all, I think it says lots about the contributing members of the community here that some people are willing to take time out of their day, even serious time to empathize, think about, and try to help others with their problems in their own way. It's just so easy to take these kinds of gifts for granted.
Ahuaeynjxs, I think you ARE trying to choose whatever the right path is, but you do need time for some serious reflection and adjustment. I hope that's why you are here and making these posts, you are seeking and confronting yourself, not just looking for yes-men. I also think that the above posters have all given you very good advice.. it's important to take responsibility for your life decisions and the consequences they have.
At the same time I recognize that you are disgusted and frustrated by the problems in society and 'taking responsibility for your decisions' isn't going to solve the world's problems. Please know that you are not at all alone in feeling frustrated with the problems in the world, and that
this advice does not come from a place where people bury their heads in the sand and pretend there are no problems out there so they can be happy. More on this in a bit, bear with me
I can't really give advice, I can only speak from my personal experience, and from how I have seen other people's lives turn out based on the choices they have made. It's up to you to decide your path.
So I'll start with me. Quite frankly the unhappiest years of my life were spent living in my parents' basement. Those were cloudy years, I was miserable, my friends were far away, and instead of confronting my problems my doctor said "Oh you are unhappy, try Venlafaxine." The SNRI's
fucked me up big time, but I chose to stop taking them, and then at some point I chose to get as far away from everything as I could.
My leaving was a carefully chosen path, to confront reality and hence confront myself, not to run away, not to be self-destructive, and it wasn't done spur of the moment. You might say I chose a path of self-discovery. I grew up in a very conservative, fundamentalist community. The kind of community that is close and strong, but shuns many of the ideals that ALL of us here on this board respect. A community of homophobia, people who actually take offense at vegetarianism (I'm not, but I do respect that choice), people who celebrate guns, despise science, think women should shut up and do housework all day. I was raised in these ideals, and I recognized that to see if my personal beliefs had any basis in reality, I needed to challenge them to determine the fact from the fiction. It was a long, painful struggle lasting the better part of a decade. In my case I went to university (my community openly despised university, they felt it was high-falutin' edjoocation that messes with your head and turns you into some womens libber or gay rights activist or something).
I can't believe that but 10 years ago I was a knee-jerk homophobe bible thumper, now some of my deeper friendships are with those who are in the LGBT community.
I think you too have yet to fully confront the real world and in the process, redefine yourself and your personal beliefs. You've found some truths along your path.. now you need to seriously challenge them.
You talk a lot about the pain and problems in the world. If you really want to make the world a better place, it has to come from a place of love and understanding of your fellowman. If you approach people thinking you have all the answers, they will see just another inflated, preachy ego from their perspective, and you will turn them away. If you approach people without judgment, with a listening ear, and treat it as a learning experience, there will be no end to the depths and surprises that your path will lead you to.
Let's be realistic. One human being can't fix the world. At most in your short mortal lifetime you can choose a cause and devote yourself to it, and maybe make a small difference if you are lucky, or at least assist those who are making progress in society.
And you cannot accomplish even this, if you cannot relate at all to other humans.
I know plenty of people who, disgusted with the world and the problems in it, chose to isolate themselves from society. At first their ideals may have been sincere. But then something called 'time' happens. Years of isolation go by, and after a while they are too far away from society to rebel.. 'society' is just the excuse. You become trapped in your own box, in your own ego-fed vision of what the world is, unable to relate to your fellowman, much less help anyone. You become a victim of your own inflexible, dogmatic belief system. And the bottom line is, in this state, you aren't helping society, you aren't helping your fellowman, you aren't helping yourself. Some people never crawl out of the mental traps they've put themselves in, they only dig themselves in deeper until it is too late to get out.
I think this really is one of the problems in psychedelic culture, this belief that you can learn everything there is to know by isolating yourself in a room and agreeing with yourself all day. Certainly everyone needs alone time to meditate and reflect, and grow in self-knowledge, and psychedelics can help in this aspect for sure. But the real world doesn't exist in a teeny box, it's much larger than any one person can ever know. It takes humility to look in the mirror and recognize how little you actually know about anything. I think that the psychedelic experience can teach us that we are all the same, that all life on earth is made of the same essence, but I sincerely hope that it also teaches one that humility and along with it empathy and the ability to bring a bit more happiness to humanity.
Well, as you can see I don't really have any answers, just perspectives from my path. All the best in yours. I would end by saying that if you've taken enough psychedelics you certainly should understand by now that our belief systems are a filter that alter the way we perceive the real world. In other words, within reason (barring not being born in some terrible war-torn country or something), we do indeed make our own heaven and we make our own hell right here on earth. So hence I agree with the above posts.. take responsibility for your decisions, choose the ones that benefit yourself and allow you to help others the most... it's up to you.
