polyamory

[magickpencil]

i've been doing a lot of meditation on love, relationships, human nature, etc. for the past several years
i've been trying to discuss these matters w others as much as i can, to diversify my perspectives and drive the topics deeper / more fundamental
the notion of responsibility has been cropping up in my thoughts frequently, especially responsibility in the context of relationships w others

i've been w my wonderful partner for going on four years now, and the highs & lows of our long-term companionship inspire me to further my critical approach to living life
we've been discussing and practicing polyamory together, and i believe we share a similar sense of excitement, wonder, and anxiety as we soar into uncharted waters

does any one here have any experience w the polyamourous lifestyle?, or any other "nontraditional" relationships (w particular emphasis on responsibility)?

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I'm currently practicing zeroamory. It's amazing!

 

[toogoodforyou]

My partner and I have been together for 3 years, its been a great journey obviously with highs & lows (The bad times make the good times more special). We've grown a lot together and understood each other and life better over the years.

We have had close friends but for sex we are exclusive to each other only. We'll love others but have sex only with each other Haven't felt the need to explore outside or make the relationship open although i have contemplated a bit about it.

How exactly does your polyamory work?

 

[magickpencil]

my partner is my life-partner
we love each other, and i want to see her flourish through life in every aspect, just as she wants for me
this includes even those aspects of life that current cultural / societal trends dictate strong biases toward
my own view of sex is that, at its best, it is a high form of communication between humans
when all excess baggage is shed then sex becomes sheer understanding, writhe with sensational emotions, sensational physics, and love

if one of my close ('platonic') friends has had a stressful, wearisome day then i don't feel at all uncomfortable giving this friend a back rub to engender feelings of comfort, acceptance, etc.
it's my understanding that a libido is a normal human function, as (un)necessary as hunger or exhaustian, and this understanding makes it very logical for me work my back-rubbing hands a little lower & slower

 

[toogoodforyou]

My partner is my life partner too.

So basically you guys are open to sex outside your relationship??

 

[Psyolopher]

It works perfectly if both partners agree on it.
Having only one partner is purely cultural.
The reason why we prefer only one partner, is because in the old days the women needed to know who the real father was.
And it has been like that ever since.
But it seems natural to us, since we grow up with it.
Mum n Dad, movies, music, other people etc....
This is all culture.
This isnt natures chosen path.

Well, since im culturally deluted aswell....I'd like to find that one partner i can share my life with.
But open relationships seem fun aswell, i think it depends on what kind of love you share. Or how u look at it....

 

[st.bot.32]

agreed, it's just part of the traditions we've been raised with.

from experience and from having seen others, not sure about polyamory, but certainly open relationships can work fine if people are honest and caring with each other and still devoted to each other. you still end up having a primary partner of course. i think i prefer it that way actually.. no feeling of ownership other than what you choose to give and accept. i think our culture is still in its infancy regarding human sexuality.. we've just come out of the dark ages and are still full of phobias inherited from 2000 years of monotheistic religion. i mean even something as relatively common as LGBT and/or a bit of kink are still quite taboo just to talk about in many parts of the world.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

I have had many such experiences in the past... of course for us men it's all about if your girlfriend really wants to know/dream with you.

If there is reaching outside because there is incoherence in the non-physical, the intermingling of sexual energies is highly deviant and will cause much trouble all around you, at least this is my experience.

Especially the splitting in three... when a partner is looking for another source of stimulation while the other is not there, or his pleasure is not taken into account.

The only way I can truely figure polyamory will be with me and 3 woman. Since between themselves they can balance the need for stimulation. By friendly competition, this cannot be achieved in triangulation situations...

Introducing another guy in my sex life would be an exeptional case of compassion which would require immense life changes so we are chemically compatible. Remember there is a high level of exhanged hormones as sex goes, you truely "mix" and if one is geared too much on sopamine pleasure mixed with adrenaline it can unbalance the whole couple. Being naked with others I mind much less, as long as there is a thriving to elevate those energies towards the higher brain centers.

I'm one to look for a straight, cool approach and to me it takes time to aprehend, when the couple is balanced, then you can look towards a more complex form of relation, not before. Especially not before the couple dream of each other with COHERENCE. You don't find yourself having sex with another woman in a dream and forget you're in a couple... this tought seems pathetic but is highly prevalent in our society, it's rampant and destructive.

 

[Brugmansia]

0.5 + 0.5 = 1.

 

[st.bot.32]

if one is indeed the goal, a lot of things combine in equal portions to form one. it depends on our personal feelings and the nature of the relationships we find ourselves in. love is big, it has many faces

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

yeah but since we are fives (one head 4 limbs and genitals ".") dosen't leave much combinations.

.5+.5 = 1 or .5x.5 = .25 x 4 = 1

See... never 3...

only 2 or 4... and it cannot be more than one male if we follow the fractal atomic model.

All hydrogen isotopes have one proton per atom.
They differ in the number of neutrons.
H-1 has no neutrons.
H-2 has 1 neutrons (1 proton + 1 neutron = 2)
H-3 has 2 neutrons.

Also, hydrogen usually has 1 electron, but sometimes it is stripped off. But even when it is stripped off, it is still hydrogen (H-1, H-2, or H-3).

Very rarely, hydrogen can get 1 or 2 extra electrons, for a total of 2 or 3.

The most common type of hydrogen is H-1; 99.9% of hydrogen is in this form. That is because it is the most stable -- the H-3 gives off a neutron after about 12 years. H-2 does not change to H-1 (except inside stars), but is hard to make, so there is very little of it.

You will say oh but then a H-2 can have only one electron so that means 2 woman ! but no...

Thing is, if you have balance, you cannot triangulate, thus it's really one male one female and androginy...

What is TRIANGULATION And why is it one of the primary principles in the ability to disturb stability or prepare an opponent for a throw ?

TRIANGULATION is the positioning of the body where it cannot recover from force being applied to it (in other words; Triangulation is the mathematical formula which allows applied force to place the human body in a position where it can be forced to fall in a particular direction and the person cannot prevent falling )
Since the average martial artist is neither a scientist or mathmatician, we will attempt to use EASY TO UNDERSTAND terminology and examples to explain this formula or law to be applied in the martial arts.
Before going into the law of triangulation,. We must understand that this is just ONE of the 100 acknowledged LAWS or PRINCIPLES which govern the physical and psychological realm of Takeda-Ryu /Daito-Ryu ! (but as such, it is applicable to all martial arts )
The first thing we have to understand is called the Center Of Gravity :

The human body balances at a point which is roughly 3" below the naval ( belly button)

Taken from :

http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/4856/tringulate.html

 

[toogoodforyou]

i mean even something as relatively common as LGBT and/or a bit of kink are still quite taboo just to talk about in many parts of the world.

I feel there is a possibility that LGBT is a result of strong conditioning and sexual repression. Maybe its not very natural. Maybe...

 

[darkwolfunseen]

Honestly there are too many differing cultural stances on polyamory, let alone official polygamy. I think a big factor is ego, since involving another person in your relationship means that both of you have to face each other the next day alone. Maybe in that case the 2 or 4 combination is a little easier to fit.

On the other hand, I had an old friend of mine, nicest woman you'll ever meet, and a damn good author too, who pointed something out to me. She basically said, "when I was in fifth grade, I knew I couldn't be with just one person, I wasn't spiritually satisfied". She has since been living with her two husbands for 30-40 years. It seems bizarre in comparison to the regular nuclear family most people are used to, but honestly how many "normal" relationships last 40 years?

One final comment I have on this, actually more like a question is this:
Am I crazy or does it seem like in most relationships there is always someone more involved/invested then the other person? The reason I ask is, then it would make more sense that the less interested (still caring and loving) party would be more interested in polyamory and the more invested partner would join out of concession. I don't know, just a thought.

 

[st.bot.32]

^whats interesting about that is that in my experience, most people who don't fit into the sexual norms of society discover it at a pretty early age. it's just part of who you are. in the case of your author friend, additionally, I'd assume her husbands are content as well as they've also been in the relationship for over three decades.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I feel there is a possibility that LGBT is a result of strong conditioning and sexual repression. Maybe its not very natural. Maybe...

Some of it is 'only natural'. The following is an interesting citation from Stan Grof's 'Psychology of the Future' (pages 116-118):

In classical psychoanalysis, the interpretation of sexual problems rests on several fundamental concepts formulated by Freud. The first of these is the notion of infantile sexuality. One of the basic cornerstones of the psychoanalytic theory is that sexuality does not manifest in puberty, but already in early infancy. As the libido develops through several evolutionary stages - oral, anal, urethral, and phallic - frustration or overindulgence in any of them can lead to fixation. In mature sexuality, the primary focus is genital and the pregenital components play a secondary role, mostly as part of the foreplay. Specific psychological stress in later life can cause regression to earlier developmental stages of libidinal development where fixation occurred. Depending on the strength of the defense mechanisms that oppose these impulses, this can result in perversions or psychoneuroses (Freud 1953).

Another important concept in the psychoanalytic approach to sexual problems is the castration complex.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Very interesting, you forgot the quotation box however, I wasn't sure if you were talking at times

Yeah by my definition I'm not saying that a woman marrying two men is wrong. Not at all... but I feel its pretty strange tho.

It's like the woman said : I'm a queen and I'll need these two men to compete on who can make me orgasm the best. Declaring herself queen over the household.

I have no problems with self-declared queens and godesses, I find them beautiful and accept all spiritual choices... but not in my house.

In my house we will have equality, and if I don't manage to do my thing well, I'll just leave and let her try to find a better partner. Love isn't all you need, especially when you are into love for pleasure, that wrecks the whole purpose.

I think like this because of how much I know that sexual equality is only attained through study of nutrition, biology and endocrynology. That there is no way a couple who stops to think about those things do not sooner than later achieve total satisfaction with each other, total honesty.

 

[darkwolfunseen]

^^^ For me personally, I don't think I could handle a polygamist relationship, but I completely agree with St.Bot. that it seems people just seem to know their "LGBT" or polygamy feelings very early. DNA or Environmental, either way, afterwards people seem to just know.

As a quick clarification, the two husbands were completely open in the family, and I don't think it was just a sexual need. In polygamy you have different family designs, her relationship being a "V" in which it can be two females, or two males.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Yeah thats what I've been saying... I think it cannot work, as in all triangulation, someone is going to be at the point where the other is forced to fall. Maybe if the couple is numbed it wont cause problems... but the couple certainly cannot ascend and evolve.

 

[Crimzen]

Yeah thats what I've been saying... I think it cannot work, as in all triangulation, someone is going to be at the point where the other is forced to fall. Maybe if the couple is numbed it wont cause problems... but the couple certainly cannot ascend and evolve.

triangulation?
the triangle is a very strong and solid shape
when rock climbing you need to have 3 points of contact with the rock to be stable
so does this mean 3 = stable relationship

NO but then how does triangulation relate to any of this anyway?
because something has a similar characteristic doesnt make it related in any way

 

[Psyolopher]

Most of all:
polyamory is fun, and we all know fun rules! :lol: