Ahuaeynjxs
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
- Inscrit
- 10/12/08
- Messages
- 2 724
Yes I would if I had actual choices in life...
As you are aware my whole life was ripped from me by my dearest friends in front of my eyes. I cannot even afford to go swimming, even less massage.
I am now living in my parents basement but I am overloaded with debt I could not even enjoy. What I mean is that I didn't really use this money, the debt kind of piled up as my whole life structured crumbled.
So I have no means ; I have around a dozen friends that owe me some, and about half of them tell me they will reimburse me multiple times, the promise because they have the money, yet they forget about me everytime. Sometimes they even tell me ; oops I'm sorry but I forgot about you and drank it away, it will have to wait till next week. And they do the same thing the next week.
Some have good intentions however, but most simply not care about me, and it's a circle of friends that respect each other, if this was done to any other friend from any other friend, the person in fault would be severely frowned upon ; yet because it's me, noone even cares. It's exactly like I was not of this world, I am never weighted in the balance, my feelings even less.
I mean it, they don't care for me, I have no "real" friends but you guys. Even if I have sacrificed many parts of my life to offer them an environement where we lived a psychonautic adolescence with abundance of woman and pleasure. I mean it, I shared everything and shut my mouth because I wanted to see all my friends equally happy.
Even one of my best friends who I lived with ; he knew I was seeing that girl, we had been going out and since she was my first true love I didn't want to go quick with her, I wanted us to know each other well before we acted upon our feelings. He even openly told me he disliked the girl because he tought she was a hippy.
One night I went out with my friends and we did LSD, it was a memorable night because we were really in an explorer psychonaut mind, the temperature outside was terrible, yet we did a treck which took all our courage to finish. We were hallucinating wildly in the forest and by a big river, and it got dark as we started really tripping. My friend even had a mental collapse and to add on the drama he bled from his nose, we had to take all our courage to support him so we would make it home.
When I arrived, my "girlfriend" was in my friends room looking completely wasted, as you can imagine I was on LSD so I seen it all very quickly, I even felt it when I entered the house. She was dead drunk and he had started to rip her clothes off, she didn't even recognize me.
He pushed me out of the room and talked to me seriously, he was drunk too but obviously he knew what he was doing. He told me that he had a crush on her from the first sight (the girl he hated because she was a hippy was now dressing a little bit more to his taste) and that I should let them talk, he wanted to get to know her, he kind of slouched over me with a stinking alcohol-cannabis breath and I turned around, saying only what needed to be said with my eyes.
She later told me she had come to see me, she wanted to have a more intimate time with me she said ; but since I wasn't there (she came improvist without warning) she sarted drinking with my friend and does not remember what happened next, all she knows is that when she woke up and watched him sleep, she realised she was in love with him.
Heck I would puke by smelling his breath, but I figured if she was able to kiss him then it must be genuine feelings, so I have not said a word and even blessed their union in all ways I could.
It makes no sense at all... I see those friends drinking beer at random and look like they have a very good time with other friends, and they can look at me not having money even to put some gas in my car to join them once in a while, and they don't care.
I see them buying non-essentials from other friends who also owe me, and they feel comfortable with flashing the money in my face and not giving me even 5 $ off what they owe me, and they know I'm hungry and would go to the store buy peanuts to munch, I even ask them, yet they turn around like I said nothing. I get this very often (people ignoring what I say completely, not like they mean to do it, just like they're hypnosed or something, yet they're supposed to be bright sociable people who have experience with psychedelics)
You see how much I never served money in my life ; once my best friend stole over 10 thousand worth from me in one day (the guy who hired the biker to rob me, he was my most trusted friend, I worked for him for free even) and this time the friend (from the circle of friends) who I have given less in my life offered me to go rob them back, because he had contacts, but I refused.
The guy who owed me the less (figuratively) in life was the most fair with me, he's also the only one I know to be happily married with a child too.
Just to show you how much I am not what you think I am...
This has been going on for years.
As you are aware my whole life was ripped from me by my dearest friends in front of my eyes. I cannot even afford to go swimming, even less massage.
I am now living in my parents basement but I am overloaded with debt I could not even enjoy. What I mean is that I didn't really use this money, the debt kind of piled up as my whole life structured crumbled.
So I have no means ; I have around a dozen friends that owe me some, and about half of them tell me they will reimburse me multiple times, the promise because they have the money, yet they forget about me everytime. Sometimes they even tell me ; oops I'm sorry but I forgot about you and drank it away, it will have to wait till next week. And they do the same thing the next week.
Some have good intentions however, but most simply not care about me, and it's a circle of friends that respect each other, if this was done to any other friend from any other friend, the person in fault would be severely frowned upon ; yet because it's me, noone even cares. It's exactly like I was not of this world, I am never weighted in the balance, my feelings even less.
I mean it, they don't care for me, I have no "real" friends but you guys. Even if I have sacrificed many parts of my life to offer them an environement where we lived a psychonautic adolescence with abundance of woman and pleasure. I mean it, I shared everything and shut my mouth because I wanted to see all my friends equally happy.
Even one of my best friends who I lived with ; he knew I was seeing that girl, we had been going out and since she was my first true love I didn't want to go quick with her, I wanted us to know each other well before we acted upon our feelings. He even openly told me he disliked the girl because he tought she was a hippy.
One night I went out with my friends and we did LSD, it was a memorable night because we were really in an explorer psychonaut mind, the temperature outside was terrible, yet we did a treck which took all our courage to finish. We were hallucinating wildly in the forest and by a big river, and it got dark as we started really tripping. My friend even had a mental collapse and to add on the drama he bled from his nose, we had to take all our courage to support him so we would make it home.
When I arrived, my "girlfriend" was in my friends room looking completely wasted, as you can imagine I was on LSD so I seen it all very quickly, I even felt it when I entered the house. She was dead drunk and he had started to rip her clothes off, she didn't even recognize me.
He pushed me out of the room and talked to me seriously, he was drunk too but obviously he knew what he was doing. He told me that he had a crush on her from the first sight (the girl he hated because she was a hippy was now dressing a little bit more to his taste) and that I should let them talk, he wanted to get to know her, he kind of slouched over me with a stinking alcohol-cannabis breath and I turned around, saying only what needed to be said with my eyes.
She later told me she had come to see me, she wanted to have a more intimate time with me she said ; but since I wasn't there (she came improvist without warning) she sarted drinking with my friend and does not remember what happened next, all she knows is that when she woke up and watched him sleep, she realised she was in love with him.
Heck I would puke by smelling his breath, but I figured if she was able to kiss him then it must be genuine feelings, so I have not said a word and even blessed their union in all ways I could.
It makes no sense at all... I see those friends drinking beer at random and look like they have a very good time with other friends, and they can look at me not having money even to put some gas in my car to join them once in a while, and they don't care.
I see them buying non-essentials from other friends who also owe me, and they feel comfortable with flashing the money in my face and not giving me even 5 $ off what they owe me, and they know I'm hungry and would go to the store buy peanuts to munch, I even ask them, yet they turn around like I said nothing. I get this very often (people ignoring what I say completely, not like they mean to do it, just like they're hypnosed or something, yet they're supposed to be bright sociable people who have experience with psychedelics)
You see how much I never served money in my life ; once my best friend stole over 10 thousand worth from me in one day (the guy who hired the biker to rob me, he was my most trusted friend, I worked for him for free even) and this time the friend (from the circle of friends) who I have given less in my life offered me to go rob them back, because he had contacts, but I refused.
The guy who owed me the less (figuratively) in life was the most fair with me, he's also the only one I know to be happily married with a child too.
Just to show you how much I am not what you think I am...
This has been going on for years.
