Brugmansia
Holofractale de l'hypervérité
- Inscrit
- 2/11/06
- Messages
- 4 372
Tonight I had one of my very few impulsive intakes.
I have always said, and still do, that shrooms are the most hardest substances to handle for the human brain apart from most likely datura and other deliriants.
After tonight, I realised that the fresh portions sold in smartshops are just treshold dosages compared to how far you can go with your own growboxes.
Early in the evening, I called my friends what they'd be doing after football. They already sounded pretty much drunk so after the match about 23:30 I decided to ingest 10 grams of dried mexicans. I still had a lot of energy and rest so despite the expected tough path, I thought it'd be managable.
I chewed them and the bitter taste reminded me of the autum in the woods. I cleaned my room, showered, filled 2 cans of water and took some juice which I put on the table in my room.
About 45 minutes later I already experienced strong flows of confusion in my thought patterns. Closed my eyes and contracted and noticed how I got pulled into the visuals.
I lied down in the dark on my back, closed my eyes and immediately got wraped up in a dark area which reminded me of the start of my DMT trip. Suddenly, the whole awareness of being in my body got a drastic change. I had to carry a stone around my soul, every part weighted excessively heavy.
I got up for drinking a bit of water and from here on it turned into a path with no control, no plan, no destination. And the possibility to build up thoughts to accomplish simple chores such as taking the glass in front of me and drinking water was gone.
I had lost my physical strength, and my mind to move properly in the way I wanted to. But after all, I didn't even know what I wanted at that point. I couldn't detect any impulse clearly to act on it.
I felt paralyzed in a dark area and the dry throat I had, activated a terrible scene in my mind. Unwanted, I visualized a desert and while I was exhausted, the sun burned on my naked skin while I tried with all might to keep breathing. Then I opened my eyes and suddenly realised that this was not real.
I got up with a rush of fear, turned on the light and couldn't say or my own company in my room was a dream or not. I shouted my own surname and was amazed about it. At that point, I recognized an element which every of my family members is characterized with. My surname referes to it.
Shortly after, I also realized that it was just bullshit, I don't have a name. No one has. It is merely a noise wave to distinguish each other. But we are not that name. I always assumed that before this trip. Now I can 'feel' it I'm just I or nothing. Nothing as in terms of undefinable. Nothing as in terms of only having a consciousness and nothing else that can be interpretated as completely real.
After this, I realised I HAD to drink to keep the trip bearable. I couldn't come up with a tactic to reach my arm to the glass and drink out of it. I was waiting for the moment that my body would 'stand up' to do it itself.
After some time it just happened and the happening of drinking water was pretty much unreal. I noticed I HAD to make a choice, every object in my room could trigger a sort of sleepwalking state.
The main stream of the trip consisted of dreaming while awake and staring in front of me and trying to get a grip on the the extreme vulnerable state I experienced. I just let it came over me and be submissive, I accepted the insanity and my punishment and if it'd come, death.
I have 'slept' about for an hour during the trip. This was pretty interesting phase too, occasionally I switched positions. Somehow these acts were fairly well noticed by my mind but I didn't really did it myself. It were just movements I had no control over. Suddenly I lied sideways and then felt that the bloodstream in my veins got more space. I was fascinated by this taken action without my 'permission'.
I only had visuals the first 2 hours, from there on my sight was pretty much normal and with closed eyes just dark.
I felt my heartbeats and wondered how it keeps going while I don't have to think about it myself. This also goes for inhaling oxygen.
This trip taught me that wanting to have have control over something, doesn't matter what, is tied with contraction and mental energy use.
Once I had given EVERYTHING out of hands, there remained something very small of I, neutral, not placed yet, and an I that couldn't be characterized or classified. Feeling that vulnerable was something that drove me insane, I wished I'd have never have known life on earth at that point.
Sometimes I made and endless fall to nowhere, and then shaked my whole body and cheeks to stop it.
It's been 18 hours since the ingestion, and still feel a bit 'light'. I had been drinking pretty much water and juice, which wasn't much during the trip I thought. I even pissed a bit over the floor in my room. :?
The trip wasn't very pleasant, it eated from my mental energy, but I'm glad it happened. In the beginning I kept trying to define or I was awake or sleepwalking, but there was nothing I should, and could be in control over. Being submissive was actually the only way not to get slaughtered.
When I woke up there was this feeling of rest and serenity. I'm sure it's gonna play a roll in everything I do the forthcoming time.
Excuse my grammar and spelling. I may have written some phrases wrong with a fault sentence construction.
Special thanks you user_19, bot32 and Heartcore for their support, heh, some of your words have been a bridge to stand on during my trip.
I have always said, and still do, that shrooms are the most hardest substances to handle for the human brain apart from most likely datura and other deliriants.
After tonight, I realised that the fresh portions sold in smartshops are just treshold dosages compared to how far you can go with your own growboxes.
Early in the evening, I called my friends what they'd be doing after football. They already sounded pretty much drunk so after the match about 23:30 I decided to ingest 10 grams of dried mexicans. I still had a lot of energy and rest so despite the expected tough path, I thought it'd be managable.
I chewed them and the bitter taste reminded me of the autum in the woods. I cleaned my room, showered, filled 2 cans of water and took some juice which I put on the table in my room.
About 45 minutes later I already experienced strong flows of confusion in my thought patterns. Closed my eyes and contracted and noticed how I got pulled into the visuals.
I lied down in the dark on my back, closed my eyes and immediately got wraped up in a dark area which reminded me of the start of my DMT trip. Suddenly, the whole awareness of being in my body got a drastic change. I had to carry a stone around my soul, every part weighted excessively heavy.
I got up for drinking a bit of water and from here on it turned into a path with no control, no plan, no destination. And the possibility to build up thoughts to accomplish simple chores such as taking the glass in front of me and drinking water was gone.
I had lost my physical strength, and my mind to move properly in the way I wanted to. But after all, I didn't even know what I wanted at that point. I couldn't detect any impulse clearly to act on it.
I felt paralyzed in a dark area and the dry throat I had, activated a terrible scene in my mind. Unwanted, I visualized a desert and while I was exhausted, the sun burned on my naked skin while I tried with all might to keep breathing. Then I opened my eyes and suddenly realised that this was not real.
I got up with a rush of fear, turned on the light and couldn't say or my own company in my room was a dream or not. I shouted my own surname and was amazed about it. At that point, I recognized an element which every of my family members is characterized with. My surname referes to it.
Shortly after, I also realized that it was just bullshit, I don't have a name. No one has. It is merely a noise wave to distinguish each other. But we are not that name. I always assumed that before this trip. Now I can 'feel' it I'm just I or nothing. Nothing as in terms of undefinable. Nothing as in terms of only having a consciousness and nothing else that can be interpretated as completely real.
After this, I realised I HAD to drink to keep the trip bearable. I couldn't come up with a tactic to reach my arm to the glass and drink out of it. I was waiting for the moment that my body would 'stand up' to do it itself.
After some time it just happened and the happening of drinking water was pretty much unreal. I noticed I HAD to make a choice, every object in my room could trigger a sort of sleepwalking state.
The main stream of the trip consisted of dreaming while awake and staring in front of me and trying to get a grip on the the extreme vulnerable state I experienced. I just let it came over me and be submissive, I accepted the insanity and my punishment and if it'd come, death.
I have 'slept' about for an hour during the trip. This was pretty interesting phase too, occasionally I switched positions. Somehow these acts were fairly well noticed by my mind but I didn't really did it myself. It were just movements I had no control over. Suddenly I lied sideways and then felt that the bloodstream in my veins got more space. I was fascinated by this taken action without my 'permission'.
I only had visuals the first 2 hours, from there on my sight was pretty much normal and with closed eyes just dark.
I felt my heartbeats and wondered how it keeps going while I don't have to think about it myself. This also goes for inhaling oxygen.
This trip taught me that wanting to have have control over something, doesn't matter what, is tied with contraction and mental energy use.
Once I had given EVERYTHING out of hands, there remained something very small of I, neutral, not placed yet, and an I that couldn't be characterized or classified. Feeling that vulnerable was something that drove me insane, I wished I'd have never have known life on earth at that point.
Sometimes I made and endless fall to nowhere, and then shaked my whole body and cheeks to stop it.
It's been 18 hours since the ingestion, and still feel a bit 'light'. I had been drinking pretty much water and juice, which wasn't much during the trip I thought. I even pissed a bit over the floor in my room. :?
The trip wasn't very pleasant, it eated from my mental energy, but I'm glad it happened. In the beginning I kept trying to define or I was awake or sleepwalking, but there was nothing I should, and could be in control over. Being submissive was actually the only way not to get slaughtered.
When I woke up there was this feeling of rest and serenity. I'm sure it's gonna play a roll in everything I do the forthcoming time.
Excuse my grammar and spelling. I may have written some phrases wrong with a fault sentence construction.
Special thanks you user_19, bot32 and Heartcore for their support, heh, some of your words have been a bridge to stand on during my trip.
rayer:
