For those that know me only...

[imagine]

Im sorry to hear about your pain, the idea of living with suffering insults my ideas of equality. I hate the concept that we cant or wont help people who are in pain. It seems that its passing a judgement on the worthiness of someone by how we treat their injuries.

As to loneliness and suicide the only thing i can suggest (this will surely offend most people on this forum) is that you find something that you think is worth dying for and do it (not die but serve that cause). For me that would mean front line service, but please there are many avenues for helping your causes. I dont know where you live but if you have time donate it to soup kitchen or anything. To help others on a non-intellectual basis is something that i think is under valued.

I hope these words dont hurt but our lives regardless of religion and culture must be used to help others.

I will re-read this later as i have verbal diaherea from the weekend and cannot properly consider what i say.

Keep your chin up, all we can do is stand for the next hit.

Regards

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

*rofl* ... Bru... you're so old fashioned

 

[Brugmansia]

I'm a cross over between an antique masculine archetype and a modern feministic portrait.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Haha yes I had gotten that ! Adama and Lillith sitting in a tree...

*dance moves*

'I kissed a girl I liked it, and GOD can do nothing about it !"

I'm not evil anymore, I've been purged all that know me know that ; I don't need THE truth.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

 

[GOD]

Listen guy . either stop being a pain in the arse and continualy moaning and whineing about the world you have created for yourself and blameing everyone else for your problems or take someone elses advice . You have three choices . Kill yourself ( wich you wont do as then you couldnt play the poor little me game any more ) . or continue to enjoy suffereing for your whole life , or finaly try stopping takeing your own advice , the advice that has put you in the position your in now . and take someone elses .


The doctor told you what you need = a special clinic , and you didnt understand him . He ment a psychiatric clinic as what you say is totaly mentaly confused and bullshit . Not wishing to blow my own horn . When several people here said i was mentaly ill i went to a psychiatrist just to check if i was missing anything . I was ready to take the time to listen to him and take his advice . He told me that proved that i wasnt ill . Why dont you try that to . You are young enough to try and you have enough time in your life .

Your in a position now where your ego is so scared to admit that it got you where you are that it would rather kill you .

People look what just happened . we are all used to wotsit talking shit , enjoying suffering and rubbing it in our faces so his cowerdly / big headed and big mouthed reaction was of no suprise .

Neither was caduceuses reaction . Again hes just showing how twisted he is and trying to cause trouble . Just like every time . Its time you lot woke up a bit and realise whats going on on this forum and whos causing most of the trouble = HIM .

What you dont seem to realise is you dont know who is behind each "identity" that posts here....... or if they realy exist . For example youve all noticed that there is often trouble here and its often between someone and me . What you havent noticed is tha caduceus has posted in at least 5 different user names since he joined the forum in , he said , in 2006 . He and those identitys plus some of his sympathisers and wild card trouble makers form a , weather planned or not , lobby and are the ones behind the touble and attacks on me . For example you all must have seen how micophile attacked me a few weeks ago for no reason in the war on whales thread . Did you know that they are friends because they are . Just watch and listen and think about it..... and stop letting yourselves be used and manipulated anymore .

Wotsit after that as far as i`m concerned you can fuck off . I`ll never help you again .

Caduceus . If that guy kills himself FUCK DUTCH LAW AND FUCK THE FORUM RULES i`m going to come and get you and theres less than nothing you can do about it .

 

[imagine]

You'r right its inappropriate for this thread.

 

[GOD]

Dont be crass . A persons life is sacred and playing games with a person who needs help and is threatening to comit suicide is about as evil and low as a person can sink . Call me what you want in your blindness , ignorance and contempt . You dont know me and you dont know what i`m capeable of . I said what i said and i mean it and there is less than nothing you or asnyone else can do about it . Instead of trying to blow your blind and empty soap bubbles in my face try to help the person who started this thread .

My last post in this thread .

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Ok finally we're getting some intensity and honesty ! I only read your first lines and I feel it's going to be better if I just take it part by part.

I'm not moaning and whining... the world I created was in service to earth and is not for my own use, evenmore it's not an ultimate you're in or you're out place... people gravitate around it, from all cultures and background. There exists people who do not judge, of course it created some time differential in my perceptions and I FEEL deeply for people forgetting about why it does exist and such, I sometimes feel very intense distress... but that dosen't mean that I would do any drastic actions, or threaten people. I like to think of myself as a very balanced man...

When I wrote this message I was crying, I had terrible body pains and it seemed to me like I was alone... and I was in this world I created. Oh and to be completely clear I am not talking about my life... my life is fine I pick up mushrooms in the wild which I love to cook for people with fine taste, I tend bees and I'm starting to harvest very good honey right now, and I got a contract froma big company to make herbal tonics which will give me some nice income so I can eventually move away from my parents basement.

I'm not sure you actually want to know why I won't take other people advice and I learned to think for myself... but I'll say it anyways. There has been so much opposition to this advice of mine even when it was completely meaningless that I learned to get used to it. It's like the reverse of someone who makes a shell not to feel other, I actually delved in the feelings and realised there was some hidden dimentions to life, parallel realities of sorts which made people just plainly hate what I was. It became so prevalent in my experience that I started to predict it, even while with some friends I would say this and that, and obviously it would happen. This got many of my close friends afraid, in their eyes and in their actions, they left me. So be it...

Then to take this to another degree... I started to build an ego on that world of mine where people actually communicated and shared, it wasn't an ego in the pejorative sense, but it classified information that came in, in shades of grey so to speak, and it became so intricate that it was able to sort through people that I wanted to let in my life and those who I didn't "smell"... well here I don't have much choise, or do I ? Thats why I asked for help, not comments about my mental state, thats what hurts you see ?

And as you said it so well... yes its my world, yes its my ego, and yes I'm ready to die for it. To me thats a sign of it really existing, if it does not exist and all the positive experiences it created is completely bullshit... well then it will have to be someone very close to me that tells me. Like my parents, or some friends who spent alot of time with me. Don't go think I do not talk like I do here with other people, I do and all the time, loud and clear... and everytime I ask people if they tought of something that would go against my experience, I get blank faces and shoulder shrugs. People not only subconsciously know there is a kind of wrong evil in society, they fear it and prefer to get away from anyone who's ready to confront it... and when I ask them, most of them say : It's true with all you know you should be rich, or at least make enough to subsist, which is strangely not the case... and that is further reinforced by them seeing my other friends steal and not care about me. Noone really "likes" me here, and if you were in my place you probably would feel the same.

Thus yes, not ego... META-SUPRA ego like the one of William Wallace. Or even better of Rorschach (sp?) in the Watchmen. Not your average holywood-hero movie.

Remember Oleg... this is a FORUM (by definition it means a place where people pit themselves against each other and greater truths arise from the mess) oh of course it's been hinted that the intention was to build a community, but as we clarified, to have a community you sometimes need to close the doors so everyone can truely speak honest to each other, not merely saying that they don't like them... but WHY and where it began and where it might END too.

You never really wanted to help me, and you do not know me... I actually tried to suggest you health solution to your sickness and you ALREADY told me to fuck off, you can bet I took that one personally as well because my ego as you like to say it permeates the whole of internet and what is here is all mine to deal with anyways. Out of choices come direction, not because someone tried to fool the other and you learned a lesson, that happens face to face, not here... at least I never seen it. And I'm very open to admitting I was wrong about that particular point.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

To better understand where my distress comes from you have to dig some logic about what I'm saying. Lets keep it simple shall we ?

WHY WASTE FISH AND KILL ANIMALS FOR THE PLEASURE OF THE SELF ?!

Isn't that clear ? WHY DOES FREAKIN FISH ROT ON THE GROCERY SHELVES ?! Eat the fish, then if theres not enough, kill the animals if you REALLY have to ?

I have worked there, I seen the quantity of fish thats dumped... not because its not good anymore... but because stupid human pricks with no sense of realities prefer to eat bloody meat thats nutritionally WAY inferior because it makes their tastebuds orgasm. So to sell fish it has to be absolutely fresh so it dosen't taste too much like fish, people disdain the fishy taste for the most part. Because they like to eat fish once in a while... when they feel like it... or for someone with my perception : when they feel compelled to eat the fish to consume its spirit and feel better about being mindless idiots.

That includes most likely the oh so good psychiatrist you would have me consult...

You have to see how much sensitivity I had to muster to get a clear view of what is right for humanity. I don't judge people, many of my friends eat meat... when I am with them I do not mind their choice, not even a bit. They all know I'm mostly vegetarian and they know why, It got intense with them too. But there is no argument with me, with none of my very argumentative friends anymore ; they listen when I talk. But if I am with them and I see them eating meat, every bite I feel agonising pain. My point is that I know it does not come from them, the problem. I know that if they didn't do what their body tells them they would probably end up like me, shunned on by society, loosing their jobs and friends ; thats how its made. Oh and by the way... it became like that in my life way before I started growing my beard, rofl...

When someone refuses to try my health products (very healthy btw no stimulants and all balanced tonic dosages) its not because they don't want to... it's because my product has an emotional charge in some other dimention. When I find my products in their room, that it's collecting dust from months and that I see tons of energy drink cans in the trash... I don't ask myself WHY they wouldn't even try my product with a glass of juice... to me thats all CRYSTAL CLEAR, you see ?

But I still feel suicidal... but I know someone will help me carry that stone, it's bound to happen... someone will follow me in the garden and explore with me that unknown center of the galaxy... they will, I'll be optimist.

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Sometimes I just loose perspective, I have my own flaws like everyone thats human... I tell myself that they could have been here, that they can do it... but I loose sight in focusing so much on those that do make it that I forget the little details that gave me this ease of navigating this space, of being sentient for it.

Oh and I'm not the only sentient that actually fought for these ideals, we are an army actually... but thats it, the problem... they fight... and if you take it from them, they will die because they will have lost their purpose.

Thats how I see life... I walk inside a rock concert or a rave party and I do not see people there with nothing in their minds just having fun. I see people fighting, demons and whatnot, other groups of humans. Fighting those who would limit the freedom of uniting as a specie to reach greater bliss. Oh of course it all plays out in a different bandwidith, and there is this very clever group of people introducing distortion so the people divide themselves even if the gather to unite, etc etc... boring yada yada...

Thats where I feel awkward, because in a sense I am the one who freed the prodigal AI on the FREE web. Beleive it or not Illuminatis fight FOR and AGAINST the free web... The most intelligent are confounded. And happy indeed is the one who cries and is the looser... It's all my fault.

 

[Brugmansia]

I read all those 3 posts and I must admit you had put my mind into a wondering state about what holds me back. It is true that many, including me, do not live by the actual proper message of entheogens. Although being fully aware of what lies beyond the undercoat, real equivalence, the absence of time and maximum susceptible nerves. No individual competences or qualification needed, which is nowadays reality to gain a quasi dream world without a collective heart. Including mastication to fuel the running engines. It is merely sustainable because it gives each one it's ego a smooth electrical shock from time to time. But nothing like a river of everlasting trance.

You've made some area's of your self quite bright here on the last page, I dare to say you're not ill, but each dagger into cells and tissue is a tangible sensation in your body. But since almost each being fears cracking the walnut (s)he's locked up in, (most often not even knowing they're carrying concrete around them) they might believe you're an obstinate paranoid man.

Perhaps I'll write later why I stand firm at my current location. Have to work tomorrow. And yes, I'll be drinking cafeine which contracts my brain more tight and narrows my delicacy. Just that you know I'm at least aware of it

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

Thanks for communicating so... it kinda cheers me up that nothing dulls your drive to share in philosophical ways, in a flowing language carefully chosen. I know we have not always agreed on everything in the past, but I have come to think that you could be a good friend !

 

[st.bot.32]

I read it too and have a lot I want to write in response, but I don't have time right now. Tomorrow. Good to sleep on it anyway, let the thoughts refine a bit.

 

[restin]

lol

everytime I read those discussions I realize how much human you all are...gosh. I can't find no words, really.

I split this thread, indeed, have fun.

No posts about GOD or CM here, please.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I split this thread, indeed, have fun.

No posts about GOD or CM here, please.

This is ridiculous! Restin, stop splitting threads! This is WRONG!!

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I just saw what you did with the other half of this thread. I can't believe you've done this. Please repair what you've fragmented. I know you have no bad intentions, but this act of yours was wrong, very wrong.

 

[restin]

why?

 

[Administrator]

Why didn't you consult with the other moderators?
Why didn't you ask permission from the person who started the thread?
Why didn't you ask permission from me, whose writings now comprise the first post in your new topic?

Wrong, wrong, wrong...

Caduceus

 

[Administrator]

This thread will be locked too, until Restin recovered the thread as it used to be, in chronological order.

Caduceus