feelings.

[Finarfin]

Fukushima is a disaster. Germany has stopped all there nucleur energy, but in other parts of the world there are still nuclear reactors being build. I agree that we should be worrierd about fukushima and nuclear waste. I have spoken out against nuclear energy many times. Humanity is still building these reactors, and even build them on geological instable places. Humanity did not learn from Fukushima and did not learn from the BP Oil spill.
This being said, let,s return to the actual topic of this thread. (maybe you could ope a new thread about ecological catastrophy).
First you where worried about the effect of islam on europe and now it,s the oceans. I do not say you should not be worried about these external threats. Your worriers are valide. But you seem to have a need to warn other people for external threats (terrorist,ecological disaster). it,s This thread however is not about the external and it,s not about ecology.



You write that you ran off chicken shit. And ask yourself what it would be like to give into it. Jet you fear insanity.
I think we/you need to give into it and fully experience the dark night of the soul for our selfs. When we learn to make friends with our inner angels and demons we will be more in contact with our inner strength and inner wisdom. And we will be more able to maybe transform both the internal and the external.
Being in a (shamanic) ceremony, there is the shaman or ayahuascero who watches over you and giving you a helping hand when needed. The aim of the ceremony is to help the people in it to fully give into it. To help people experience there dark night of the soul and to make contact with the inner (higher) self. The aim of the ceremony is healing on a mental and pysical as well as spiritual level. (body mind and spirit are one).
Running away chicken shit is not going to help you find your inner strength. I think you need to confront this and go into it.


About these external threats. There are groups and orginasations who are also worried about our oceans (or about the influence of islam on europe)
If you want to do something about it maybe you could get involved with these groups. Maybe it,s your calling?

 

[Demahdi]

I felt that one coming It was just a feeling I got. Maybe this current disaster “the blob” isn’t due to Fukushima at all. That being said, I will be closing the islam matter down and urge myself to my ecological beliefs. Decisions as I go, to anywhere I flow, .. … But I don’t join a group that easily, though I made donations in the past. Anyway!

After it revealed itself I felt this overwhelming fear coming on. Which I first tried to lie myself out of, so I pressed my head in my pillow and I heard a strong wind coming up. I took my head out of my pillow and asked my girlfriend: “do you experience this too?” and as I asked her my entire room became this “nothing” that was there all the long, but was now playing every string of vibration which I could see too clear, on the background a very irrie wind blowing and it was in my head so horrifying I ran off to the toilet and started puking and more. I begged it to stop for it was too overwhelming, I grasped for air on the porch, puked a little more … I felt compelled to eat my puke. But I did not. The entire experience came with a great feeling of “authority”.
All this ended under a blanket me trying to grab on to reality letting the time pass…. Waking up with a huge feeling of shame. I have never ever gone that bad in my entire life! I understood why people in the scriptures fear their “god”. When I told my girlfriend I understood what all these prophets were talking about she got worried and even got a little mad at me.
It also made me aware of what was going on inside of me though, a lot of dark energy.
You spoke of vibration, these negative thoughts may tune my cells and entire being to a negative energy source. I need to create in the here and now a very positive charge to maximize in the bigger reality. I will not jump in before I have created a comfort zone in my head. I have other priorities now, but the road is long.
I realize now I have been living near a forest for a decade and moved back to the city, vibrational field changed abruptly on short notice, drastic.

Talking about feelings can really help huh. If I read what I wrote I know exactly what to do now.

 

[Brugmansia]

First in the order of the freemasons.

 

[Demahdi]

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

 

[Finarfin]

I think it is wise to take the time to create a comfort zone in your head.
When we eat a good amount of mushrooms our emotions will come to the surface.
We can have the sensation of nothingness as you discribe. That,s why it,s good to prepare the body and the mind before we go on a journey.
When you want to do a high dose it,s good to have someone sober looking after you.
You wrote you,re where with your girlfriend. And you,re girlfriend has no experience with mushrooms. How did she reacted on you going bad?
Could she help you with your experience? Was she prepade for anything like what happend?
You wrote about how you felt ashame after the experience. I can relate to this. I have felt very ashamed myself after one very difficult experience.
What i have realised is that we can not ignore the fact that mushrooms and ayahuasca can bring heavy emotions to the surface. We need to be prepade for this.
We need to make place for emotions. When your on this psychedelic path and go on journey,s soon or later there will come heavy emotions to the surface. You will have a difficult experience. And your ass will be kicked (eventualy).

 

[Demahdi]

Yeah she got mad because I was beginning to take it too serious. It used to be our thing until I felt something was communicating with me. I really had an urge to coax it into life and it only gotten more serious as our venture evolved through time.
She even said: Why can’t you ever act normal?
She is a virgin on this field, and looks out for her health. She eats healthy doesn’t smoke, nor drink.

 

[Finarfin]

Being a virgin on the field of psychedelics, your girlfriend is not the ideal person to look after you and suport you on your mushroom journey (high dose mushroom journey). I am not writing this because i want to Judge you. Your grilfriend has no experience and may not understand what,s going on. She has no deep insight on the way a mushroom journey goes. With a low dose it,s not a big problem, with a low dose you can more easily control the journey.
With a high dose things can get out of hand. With a high dose you need to let go of your ego, let go of control.
When there is someone watching over us who has no experience, how will they react to the situation when things turn ugly.
Will they be scared, angy, sad? And will the one on the journey will feel guilt and shame for making the other feel scared angry or sad?

I have been thinking about the ideal set and setting for exploring the inner world. Do you know the book Island by Aldous Huxley?
In this book teenagers go to a temple and they do a mushroom ceremony under the guidance of older and more experience people.
I wish we could have something like in the book. A beautiful place where you can go to take mushrooms under the guidance of experienced people.
Things can get out of hand and off the rails sometimes. A skillfull and experienced person watching over you knows how to deal with such a situation.
He knows what to say and what not to say. He does not get scared or angry or upset by someone who has a diffecult experience and who (for example) get,s naked and get,s emotional and thinks he/she is dying.
High doses of mushrooms bring up high waves of emotions. Someone experienced watching over you is preparde for this.

 

[Demahdi]

I will come back to this, but I did not read the book (yet).
but who is experienced in this? This world we speak of is a great abyss to most people I spoke to.

 

[Finarfin]

I will come back to this, but I did not read the book (yet).
but who is experienced in this? This world we speak of is a great abyss to most people I spoke to.

I don,t know if you are familair with the history of the mushroom. But when researching murhroom history you will come across the name of Maria Sabina.
Maria was the first curandera (healer) who introduced the west to the mushroom by letting western people partake in a mushroom healing ceremony.
In a way Maria Sabina is our musrhoom great grandmother. The native people have used the mushroom for healing for many generation. They are the original experts. There are more and more westeren experts in the field of mushrooms, ayahuasca and other plant medicin.
But you do not need an expert (for mushrooms), what you need is a good friend who watches over you.
If i want to take a high dose i ask a friend to hang around and watch over me a bit. I do the same for him.

 

[Demahdi]

New things on the map. I only have my cell phone for a week now.
I am traveling here and there and soon everything will fall in its place so I can broadcast from HOME.
I will get back to it all.... Soon

 

[Demahdi]

I feel like I am gonna give up. Go solo in life and fuck all other opinions. Not worry about my ego too much and just let it burst into a firework of a mad progressive work of art.
I love my demons and accept them as my own to confront life situations.
There is no center. No goal. No purpose. Just my feelings and my desires ... And Imma live them MY FUCKING way.
People get you thinking and you forget about doing it. Nag nag nag is all they do... Cry here cry there. ... Am I not too fat? And all the while time is passing by and killing us all.
Ya feel me????

 

[Finarfin]

I don,t know?
If going solo trough life is what you feel you need to do, who am i to Judge.
It,s your choice, it,s your life, it,s your responsibility.
And i am not an expert on relationships.

 

[Finarfin]

Terence Mckenna never talked or wrote much about how psychedelics open the emotions.
He talked about hyperspace, aliens and other dimensions.
Another (lesser) writer, Daniel Pinchbeck writes about 2012 and the return of Quetzalcoatl.
Why did Pinchbeck not write about emotions?

There is no money in emotions. All this 2012 other dimension hyperspace talk is (i think) sensationalism and psychedelic exploitation.
It,s like the exploitation films of the 60,s and 70,s. When people want to see vampires let,s make a movie about vampires. When aliens are hip, let,s make a movie about aliens.
It,s not considerd cool (by most) to talk about emotions. I feel people tend to hide there emotions behind a mask. People keep there emotions inside and let it just sit there.
I sometimes get the feeling people are afraid to show there true self or to show there emotions.
Ego is like layers of an onion. People surround there soft inner self with layer upon layer of ego.
Being cool is a layer for example. And under the layer of being cool is another layer and another and so on all the way from the other to the inner.

Emotions can be very dangerous. it,s important to have attention for your emotions and give them the space and time they need.

I do not think it,s easy to show your emotions or to show your true self in this society. When i look around me (in this society) i sometimes get the feeling that there is a big emphasis on the external on the outside and on the surface.
generally speaking there is not much place for emotions or to be your true self. You need to create the space and time yourself and it takes courage to do so.

I sometimes get the feeling there is a lot of fakeness going on. I see people that seem out of touch with reality and living some sort of media created reality. When you look at the so called hip people (hipsters) they all want to look unique, jet they all look the same. They all have a tattoo. Tattoo,s never been more populair then ever before, it,s all about the surface.
It,s all about selling you something. Selling yourself, selling eachother.

 

[Demahdi]

Hey guys,

How have you been feeling? I have been reading from a distance.
I just like to share from a distance, I have been feeling a negative charge. I said before I need to create a positive charge in the here and now to jump in again. I reverted that. I'm using my bad energy now to express extreme negatives. It feels I will get a lot further in life if I just use this negative as my powergrid.
I need this ego to become who I am (again). But a lot bigger and larger then life this time.

 

[Brugmansia]

Try to think through images ...

 

[Demahdi]

I don’t know how to say this but I am creating it all in the here and now. I have come to the conclusion we have quite some substances and opportunities in life to create more then we could ever dream of in history. I had my mind fixated on this “love shit” trying to save the world, but it was naïve. You can imagine how I feel observing our current world how it is sucking Europe into a new crisis. Don’t worry; I will not go political on you guys again.
But you can imagine how it makes me feel, huh? Anyway,…

I’ve seen several doctors fixing up my health, and I have a deficiency of vitamin D. It has created a huge trigger effect eating healthy and being able to relax at home.
Feelings start with a good health, if you don’t have enough vitamins D in your body it can cause severe problems like depression, exhaustion, headaches, …
After 2 years struggling with an health issue, I know more about it then the average doctor.
I will feel a whole lot better when my health is at full max again, because I have neglected it for years now. But we are peaking up, and I am happy to say I have healed to a descent amount. Psychological and physical. I had to figure it all out by myself, because doctors didn’t feel obligated to run an entire body check up. I had to read about it all on the internet, ask them about it and push hard to be examinated.

I am grabbing back to something I lost in my ego, I love being an arrogant sarcastic narcistic bastard now and then! I have to stop hiding myself. When it is shit it is shit, it is not a rose! And I stopped trying to turn shit into roses. It literally made me sick not to express personalities that left from the ego.

Looking back at these last years, last months went so fast … and now here I am….
Granted wishes, an earned place, …. Looking at the road ahead, and the opportunities in hand… and quite some offers I can not refuse. .. I am still not sure what to get, but I’m picking up my tools again. And it is not a psychedelic, …
Psychedelics showed and learned me so much about my own personal feelings, life and society, … But just look at us guys…. Look at humanity!? The world psychedelics shown me is just not one I can place, nor express in the here and now. I’ve seen an “outcome” I can not fully grasp, but understand more each day. And by each confrontation in my society, it feels more and more justified.

So I am accepting this bad and gonna go my own way, and watch it all from the first row…

 

[Finarfin]

Maybe psychedelics are not the path for you at the moment. Whatever the path is you take, listen to your hearth and follow your passion. Do what you makes you feel alive and gives you energy.

I think psychedelics can open us op to our inner world and our spiritual and psychological process. We have a spirit a mind and a body. Psychedelics open us op to our body mind and spirit. Without psychedelics we still have a body a mind and spirit, only our experience of these spiritual physical and psychological processes is not as intens as we might experience on a psychedelic.

 

[mazefish]

Try to think through images ...

Is dit Marky van DBB?

 

[Demahdi]

Psychedelics were most definitly my thing. They've had an enormous impact in my life. In such a way I feel of as a prisoner in Plato's cave, who has been given the virtue to look into the light causing these shadows to emerge in our todays reality. I could not walk into it for I'm chained to a wall created by my own fears and desires.

But as you say: "do your thing". I'm a western born male that heard the song: work hard, play hard. We didn't come to all of this by taking psychedelics. We achieved all of this by being driven away from our psychosis's and put them sober in perspective.

I think it's my time now to put it all in a sober perspective.

 

[Finarfin]

Psychedelics i think can bring us into contact with the spiritual. There are other ways to get into contact with the spiritual or the inner self. We can turn our backs on the spiritual and lose ourself in work or in play. But for how long can we ignore the spiritual. Eventualy when the time is right the spiritual will open up for us. You can not run away from your inner self.
In the west we like to work hard. In the west we have a very linear view of time. Western people have a sense of progress and of growing and achieving. This sense of linear time is different then the sense of circular time that other cultures have. When we look at old building we often see not one but two stairs going up to the door. This is the symbolic stair of life. One goes up and one goes down. The one that goes up is growing, becoming an adult and achieving our goals. But this stairs of life does nor continue into infinity. One day we reach maturity and we start on our way down. You can not go on growing for ever. When i look at the modern western people i get a sense the western people forgot that there also is a way down. Look at how we view old age and death. In our western culture we tend to hide old age and death. We feel uncomfortable with it. Psychedelics i think can help us prepare for old age and death. Mushrooms are used (in an experiment) to help people with the fear of death.

What i want to say is that it does not matter. You can lose yourself in work and in play. Always we return to the spiritual to our inner core. This spiritual inner core is always there. Mushrooms or psychedelics just open it up more easy. Mushrooms if you ask me are like a key to open up the door to our inner world. They are a key (chemicaly) to our (inner) self.