Farting

[HeartCore]

Isn't there a ban on farting?

If not, there should be.

 

[GOD]

...............................................................Fartbender................ ??????????????????????

 

[Guest]

One of the most funny ones was during German class, I was really holding it in, wich made it sound very high pitched and funny with a slow bend, just like when you bend the string of a guitar.
The whole class just started to laugh (except the girl behind me )
And even the teacher (who was a complete hardheaded arschlog) had to laugh and I felt very proud, since then I was the only one who had made him laugh in another way then being incompetent or giving dumb answers

candidates for "The psychonuts anal orchestra" . Can you both find out at what musical note you fart at ?

It started at A# and bended down to D and back up again to A/A#

 

[poisoninthestain]

this one time while on a vacation to mexico i farted and shit my pants. true story.

 

[ararat]

"this is even better then the time I outfarted michal moore": http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... ID=3038573





(sorry couldn't find a better video, youtube keeps deleting the original ones ... )

 

[GOD]

The phantom fart strikes again :-

9.15 . School asembly . Everyone sitting in rows looking at the stage where the prefects and teachers were sitting , the beak was making one of his long , boring propoganda speaches . I let one rip . It had been planned as a wet bubble that should of quietly rolled down my trouser leg , burst and spread mass hysteria . BUT . I think my trousers were to tight and it echoed round the hall . The rest was like in slow motion , a la ola wave of heads infront of me turning round and staring at me . Luckily i saw it comming and when it arived i just turned round and looked at the guy behind me........ who started to panik.....

As it didnt stink no one could say for sure where it had come from . So there was no crucifixion .

 

[druglessdouglas]

this one time while on a vacation to mexico i farted and shit my pants. true story.

i farted and shit my pants while smoking a chillum in a small tent with 7 other people in at a festival. i had to walk 3 miles to clean up in a loch (lake) that wasnt the watersupply. no one noticed

 

[GOD]

Cool !!! So now we have 3 candidates for "The psychonuts anal orchestra" , and "a" to "d" is covered . How fast can you drop them ??? If you can bend them enough and drop them fast enough the band could try "Jonny B.Good" . I could be the conductor and collect the "donations" !!!!! I could sell parafin-anal-ia = stiff yellow undys with vasaline flavoured skid marks .


What about all you lot out there taking this serious and experimenting . Try sampeling(?) a few anal eruptions and doing some mixes . Allthough i do know how hard it is to record farts , they either dont register or you have to throw the microfon away and wash your hands .

But back to sanit(r)y .

This is "The phantom fart" practicing trick NR.1 . You get some rubber tube , some extra thick vasaline , for obvious reasons , and some of those nitrous oxide gas capsules ( not the creme filled ones this time..... ) = tube on capsule , other end of tube up bum , rev it up , open the throttle and give gas . This way you can bring some standardisation into the process and re-load VERY quickly . You also get realy beamed on the laugh gas , especialy if you hold your breath , press and hold your cheeks together for 10 minutes . If you use helium you can do some nice anal mickey mouse effects , and if you are realy brave and adventurous butane is worth a try . Especialy if you cant aford toilet paper ???

To some of you this might all sound a little far(t) fetched , but...... in the Napolian wars there was a french cavalry officer that had trained himself to fart tunes . He would stand on the bar in the pub , drop his trousers and go for it .

 

[Forkbender]

Well its a good job it wasnt a flight on an American airline

It was.

 

[GOD]

TERRORIST !!!!!

 

[Forkbender]

LOL

The title of our opera:

Terrorist farts in D-minor.

 

[druglessdouglas]

we could do pyrotechnics lighting farts is my party trick

 

[GOD]

An average person makes 13 liters of gas in their bellys a day . Its two gasses wich netralise eachother so YOU and all others ONLY fart about 1 liter a day .

Our friend Freud would say i have an anal fixation but he was a wanker so who cares .

"we could do pyrotechnics lighting farts is my party trick"

But dont make the mistake i did and try it without dropping your trousers first . I nearly blew my balls off because of the gas confinement .

 

[druglessdouglas]

done that aswell. sigmund had a habbit of projecting, possibly a result of using coke as an ethenogen. reading his(private) notes on tennis reveals a lot about the man. Jung just enjoyed a fart

 

[GOD]

New Zealand , the country with the first green party in the world , in its fight to become carbon netral has / is introducing a FART TAX !!!!! There have been anti FART TAX (Fight Against Rediculous Taxes) demonstrations where farmers drove tractors up the steps of parlament . Nitrous oxide from animal shit is 300 X as dangerous as methane and it acounts for 1/6th of animal emissions . 42% of methane emissions comes from animals breathing not their shit . They are planning to plant trees to ofset the damage wich will mean planting 1 - 2 million hektars . That equals 7% of their land mass .

 

[druglessdouglas]

kangaroos dont fart. they have a unique bacterial gut flora that dont produce(much) methane. if only we can get Mcmurders to farm them for theyre harmburgers then all our fart related problems will dissapear in a puf of grease smoke. delicious and nutricious. whats that skippy? little timmys stuck to the grill...? the good thing is theyle thrive on desert earth too

 

[ZOF]

farts are so flamable, they're fun!

 

[buffachino]

Ever tried farting in a bag then unleashing it on an unsuspecting bystander?
ICBF

inter-continental balistic flatulence

 

[Forkbender]

I once cought a fart that was just too good to be true, so I flew over to India, to release it in the presence of the Dalai Lama.