thank you for your messages, you made my heart very warm.
i won't replace my psychonauting with alcohol or gurus...i won't replace psychonauting at all...i just don't take any substance.
perhaps this is a break (and when i search inside, i find this little green bug that tells me that i've been in that place where time stops and the senses shutdown, and i miss that spirit), or perhaps this is a full stop. this was a very complicated thing for me to do...if i stopped, i know i would sense my ego swell and i would feel that false sense of control. if i continued, even if rarely, i would not give time for my body to try. i mean, i have to try to get "there" without any help. trial and error has been the history of psychonauting. the substances are always there, and you can choose whether to take them or not.
perhaps heartcore is right, it is just a big break.
i see this as guitar playing. i am a big fan of music, and i am a musician myself. when i stop playing my guitar for months, and i pick it up, it is like being born again. perhaps i need this "being born again".
i don't make any guess of what will happen...i just wrote this in this forum to show my appreciation to all of you. i've could walked away and chosen not to say a thing. ignore you. i didn't, because i've learnt a lot here.
psychonauting opens doors that cannot be sealed again, as you all know. it makes memories that are hard to forget. i don't intend to forget them, as i spent such a big part of my life in this persue of compreehension. i found this compreension through a chemical that all of you know (i won't say which so i won't influence young psychonauts). and that is enough. this was such a big deal of understanding that i am humble enough to say that i couldn't deal with it. and, at the same time, it was nothing. it was a whisper. i've been there sober, but i can tell you it is not the same. and if i've been there with such a big intensity, and understood it all, why should i do it again ? there is no reason to do it again, except for lust and stupidity. everyday i remember this episode, and everyday tears come into my eyes. perhaps my ego is very big (personal problems made it this way, so i wouldn't pick up a shotgun and started shooting people head's off), or perhaps i think i got it, without getting anything. or perhaps i'm right. and the few people here that i think got there, but really got into that terrain that is not meant to explore in your lifetime, know what i'm talking about. that little point that has everything and has nothing. that you think you've been there, but you never lived anywhere else.
this tremendous religious experience was everything that i've been searching since my late teens. i never used any substance to other purposes. now, feel i am complete and i know what this is really all about. i could tell you, but even if i tried, words are not enough. love is the path that you walk with joy. sometimes the hard thing to do is to get over the lies that our brain does to us. that's why we use substances. and know that i now my way around those decoys, i touch that truth everyday, and i belive- that this will happen for the rest of my life. but as you all know, is like walking and driving a car. i am in no hurry, because when you've seen a rock once, you only go there again to see something has changed. this rock cannot be changed, so i am in no hurry to see it again.
thanks for all of your answers, specially for heartcore and GOD, the enlightened ones. i regard you more enlightened and wiser than me. i wish that you find what you search and never search for something to find.
