Nanosage a dit:
Alright this is embarrassing.. But its time I ask for some advice with it and its easier to talk to you guys over the internet than to talk to anyone else.. But heres the deal... For the past like week I can't stand anything.. I just wanna lay there every day and do absolutely nothing.. I literally have been crying myself to sleep every night. And then when I wake up in the morning I would seriously rather have absolutely no future than get up for school.. Which is completely wrong.. Because obviously I'm going to have to deal with getting up in the morning every day for the rest of my life.. Simple chores take me hours to do.. Just like today it took me at least 4 or 5 hours just to mow the lawn.. I would come back in and just lay there and think about everything until my eyes started watering up.. Its just fucking ridiculous and I want it to end.. Its cutting into everything.. I don't even wanna beat it anymore.. I won't even go out with my friends and smoke or nothing.. I literally have just been sitting here and sleeping.. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.. Its not like something big has made me depressed.. And I won't talk to anyone about it because my mom will just think I want drugs for it.. Which is completely wrong.. And I just feel stupid.. None of my friends are even real friends they just hang around me for drugs or whatever or at least that's what I feel like.. I also won't talk because I will most likely start crying when I am talking to them and that just will embarrass the hell out of me.. But seriously what do I do? I am sick of laying here sobbing over absolutely nothing and just passing out everyday and waking up in my own puddle of tears.. Its fucking ridiculous.. What the hell do I do?
Hey Nanosage
really sorry to hear that you feel so down. PLEASE watch that vid close 'stop taking the pills' because what its saying really exposes what is going on.
OK, you say you dont really know why you feel so bad? I am sure many people dont--but thats only because we are made to believe that this life we are FORCED to live is normal. I could take this to different levels of info
I mean take the very school you go to--even thought about school itself, and WHY you have to go? Do you like it? I personally hated it very much. Not only did I find the lessons totally boring, but I also felt socially isolated there, and suffered prejudice and homophobia too---a real shit experience.
But only much later did I start finding out (when I got online post 2006) just what the so-called 'education system' is about, and it is NOT designed for our best interests---Google John Taylor Gatto, and search that name on Youtube and you will start finding out about school. School is ENFORCED. If you don't go here your parents can get sent to jail! I recently have been in contact with a woman and mother who --with her partner and children have had to leave their home and pets, and flee the UK because of persecution they have received for homeschooling! Ie., there is cultural pressure against taking kids out of their 'education' system.
MANy children hate school because they are bullied, but there is no escape for them. Their parents make it clear with spoken and unspoken words that school HAS to be gone to--whatever, so the poor kid is in a freakin corner, and this is the important bit--doesn't realize what the game is about. They assume that that is reality and if they get depressed about things blame themselves instead of this system which is really oppressing them.
Also you mentioned you feel your friends are using you for drugs? That is a very important confession. I dont know if its true or not, but the important thing is you
feel that! You feel like your being used, and because this is your very so-called friends you dont know who to trust, because usually we trust our friends don't we?
I feel you, because when I was growing up--like I said, I was socially isolated at school, but i DID have friends at home. However, it was my house that was mostly free in my teens because my mum went out a lot, and they would come round and use it as a doss house, and when I got older I wondered if they were using me. And it's that not-quite-knowing that is the mindfuck and makes you feel you cant trust anyone.
You say you cant concentrate, but isn't it so that when your upset your mind is on what your upset about? So really you ARE concentrating on that, but the poxy school people etc claim that because your not a freakin machined concentrating on THEIR boring shit--that that means you have a 'biological disorder' which they call 'ADD' 'ADHD'---bogus disorders that are made up by the pharma-shrinks. These people are already gonna add new 'disorders' to the DSM Bible such as if you have a tantrum in class at school it means you have disorder. it is all Bullshit.
If and when you go to the doctor or even shrink about this they wont ask you about your life---or only in a kind of ticking boxes way, and then they will want you on their pills--cause thats all they know and push. theres lots of profit in it
Someone here advised better a counsellor. I also recommend that. Someone who doesn't judge you--and try to push pills etc on you, but LISTENS to you, and this encourages you to open up whats on your mind.
