Once on ~5g of psilocybin mushrooms, I was tripping in sensory deprivation (blindfold in a dark room, in a dark closet, plus white noise radio static between FM channels). I surfed hyperspace. The FM noise told many stories; of the cosmos, of alien intelligence. I felt myself as the evolutionary tree of all the organisms which had produced this body and moment. I explored the spectrum of animal subjective experiences. Amongst the swimming of hyperspace, at times I found myself emerging to the surface, entangled in the symbolic mind. Thinking about thinking about thinking. Thinking about how I shouldn't be thinking so much, and how I shouldn't be thinking about that either. I knew I had to just breathe, if only I could stop thinking about how I needed to stop thinking. Things started to get hellish. My first instinct was to escape; to get up, turn on the lights, and run out to find my friends. But how do you run from yourself? I knew this was not what I should do. Instead I remained where I was and confronted the Cthulu-like beast into which the world had anthropometamorphised. Remembering the teachings of Leary and Buddhism, I knew I was not to fight nor run from nor become attached to any of these visions. I knew I was producing these images, I knew the beast was me. To fight it was to fight myself; I knew this was not what I should do either. I tried not to succumb to fear. I tried not to put up my fists. But things were getting darker, scarier. Suddenly, a possible course of action become intuitively clear. I pursued. I looked right into the eyes of the monster, and said: "Destroy me". I repeated it, under my breath, like a mantra. Destroy me. Destroy me.
Behold, the hell evaporated. The blissful hyperspace perceptions returned, consistently for the rest of the trip. I was astounded at the efficacy of the technique. Upon reflection, this makes total logical sense. The hell is myself, thus I seek self-destruction. I cannot run from myself, I cannot fight myself, I can only pursue my own death. Ego death. After which rebirth inevitably follows.
I find the allegory has helped me in real world situations as well.
(For example: I realized my ex-gf wasn't happy in our relationship. Rather than drag it out or fight for her or guilt her, I came to a greater understanding of her needs and desires, beyond my own. I realized: I was her. I made the end of our relationship as smooth as possible for her. I felt really peaceful and Buddha-like.)
Plagiarise me! XD
