Why are human relationships so fucking hard?

[Dude]

Hey guys. Im a little lonely, my girlfriend is gone for 2 months, and im taking it pretty hard. I have ADHD, and have been struggeling my whole life with human relationships.
when i was 6 my father was put in a mental hospital. I cant remember the details of it, my life has been pretty fuzzy and i lack alot of memories from childhood. I acted out alot, and got very agressive towards everyone. including my father when he got back. I felt abandoned. In all this i had bad friends from a distant country who would pretend to be there for me, but all of a sudden they whould turn against me and tell me lies about me saying things about them, and then threaten to beat me up(this happened repearedly). I was scared, but i didnt know it. everyone around me said i was a bad child, and that was the collective perception that i also came to accept, even tho it was very far off. Anyway, im ranting..

Now that im getting older im becoming more aware of myself and my situation, and its a blessing. The world is so fucking big and beautiful, and so scary and horrific at the same time. I didnt even know another person until i met my girlfriend (ive had girlfriends before, but i never knew them personally. They where just shields, something to hide behind in the eyes of others) who opened my eyes to my own distortion. IT IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE how delusional a person can be. Mindblowing. I never smelled a flower. I never truly tasted a meal. My fear was my life, and i had no idea.

Anyone else have ADHD? Anyone else have stories they want to share? I am personally really keen on hearing them. For the first time in my life, im truly interested in somone else besides myself. And i hope there are people in here that can relate and that i can relate to.

Much love.

 

[BrainEater]

hmm your story sounds kind of tough.. i guess i can relate to you...i have felt very similar various times... it was as if most of the time i wasn't even really there or so... it was as if strange fears dominated my mind more than that i thought i could really do something. i agree that it can be very weird and intense how absurd the distortions that you can create about yourself can become.
i think when it's like that what you got to be able to do is to stop the mind/thought process so it can't control you in its certain conditioned state or so... and then break the cycle, because as i see it in some way it's just like the thought patterns become an energy that can have a momentum or so... maybe the way of the mind trying to show you who you are to remember yourself and know who you are can at first seem weird and paradox, but this could be because of not seeing the big picture.
i think an important idea is to be able to detach and take a step back from the identification with the self-image you may have created. but yeah of course it's probably easier said than done..


in my experience the problem is that with all the thought processes in the mind, is that you can forget yourself and your inner being... it can be like alienation, triggered by processes of society or family or so. especially when you are a child what happens to you can have a big influence, because it's like we form our own concepts of experience. it's not always easy to understand yourself.
maybe another thing is the compulsion to compare yourself to others instead of comparing yourself to yourself at other points in time.
because then the risk is lesser to have patterns like thinking constantly you and the others instead of not seeing it so separated like that..


i think i also had sort of lost myself a few times in my life... it's strange, it was always as if from some point on i thought i needed something that i could say that is what i am or so as if it was a compulsion, a weird behaviour i was being pushed into and generally i also couldn't relate to people very well ... it made me sick how superficial a lot of the time everything was and how almost nobody would truly understand me... what happened to me then was that a lot of the time i would first think a lot about what others may think of me instead of thinking of myself in the first place... so it's like i forgot to feel myself in a direct way and sort of alienated myself...
well i think it's a big lesson and learned, that if you want to be able to relate with people you should be able to relate to yourself in the first place...but i also think that with some people real communication is not possible at all...if you ask me, it's a lot about knowing yourself. beyond just the superficial things.



peace

 

[Abelard]

I have ADD. Well I am diagnosed. I refuse to take my medicine. I really understand what you are saying though.. I too have had ridiculous, just down right retarded human relationships. If you want my god honest opinion, take it for what it is, whatever medications you are taking for ADHD, STOP. All they did for me was fuck up my whole thought process. I became dependent and felt like shit on a regular basis. They just arent healthy.

Most ADD/ADHD is caused by diet, and exercise. If you truly want to feel good, concentrate... Be whatever people consider 'normal' go to baseline. Health has way more to do with your brain and bodily functions than any shitty stimulate. I honestly dont believe in those diseases. They are just an excuse. A way to shut kids up basically.

I hope you become happy though that sounds pretty rough.. As far as relationships go, you gotta get out there. There are a lot of people in this world. And if your way of getting out there is drinking with some friends and meeting new people, so be it. It used to be the only way I could talk to girls. With anyone though its nice to have a friend. Everyone needs a friend. Just get someone who is respectful. Anyone with a good soul will recognize you as a good person and will never leave your side if you don't give them a reason too.

Much love man