Welcome

[myst1c]

Welcome everybody. Welcome inside my life. I hope to receive you all well and share blessings. Please take responsibility for your words and actions while you are here. May we melt together with being, into a splendid relaxation of reality. May we meet, without borders and become a voice that is larger than the sum of its parts. Let there be opposites and pluralism, let there be diversity. Accept all and welcome everything.

Now a bit about myself. M. 27. Grad. seeking mystical union by letting go of the seeking. Likes running in circles, psychological projections and walks through the woods. Mystical union, but not with the things I don't like, there has to be some sense of self left, some distinction. This is where I'm at.

I do drugs (psychedelics mostly) and pretend to do them for spiritual growth, while actually it just makes my mind wonder and wonder, until my natural consciousness catches up to the stupidity. It is pretty small, that natural consciousness, although I try too hard to expand it. I feel like I'm fighting myself sometimes, although it doesn't really feel bad. Sounds kinda emo, but I'm generally very positive about life. Have to reinvent myself every now and then, but consider that a way to harmonize with the greater flow of being.

My greatest weakness is that I don't show my anger. It eats me up inside. I need to train my fire, my explosive force, so that I can use it when I need it and can forget about it when I don't. I will be trying to get angry here, but don't think anything of it. Energy flows to the biggest barriers and will break them down eventually.

Welcome.

 

[Nomada]

Hallo mashmallow myst1c

I have a similar anger problem as the one you describe. Is a part of a bigger structure, the inside rotting anger is a part of how I present myself to the universe in terms of value-that's were I'm at...

Why do you don't want to commune with the things you don't like?

 

[Pariah]

Hello myst1c,

I'm sure there will be plenty of oppertunity for finding opposites and pluralities.

:wink:

You seem to be welcoming us, I guess its only fair for us to pay the same honour!

So, welcome! I look foward to your input all matters psychonautic, artistic, scientific, personal.. and anything else that doesn't belong in those categories

 

[myst1c]

Thanks for your replies

Why do you don't want to commune with the things you don't like?

Because I fear I will turn into the things I don't like. And because of this fear, it will probably happen. So better learn to accept them first. It is a big burden to be self-conscious, I'm in the process of letting it go. So far no luck with it. :roll:

 

[Forkbender]

Welcome myst1c, I hope you will share your wisdom here.

 

[mysticwarrior]

Thanks for your replies

Why do you don't want to commune with the things you don't like?

Because I fear I will turn into the things I don't like. And because of this fear, it will probably happen. So better learn to accept them first. It is a big burden to be self-conscious, I'm in the process of letting it go. So far no luck with it. :roll:

Welcome

Fear for the unknown? Well, i think everyone runs away for that, so now and then

 

[GOD]

Anger and agression KILL you . Meditation and martial arts are good solutions .

We have to stalk ourselves .

 

[myst1c]

I have tried meditation, but I distract myself pretty fast. It frustrates me. And although that is inevitably part of the process, I don't have the perseverance to go on. I feel kind of bad about it, or maybe I just don't fully understand the point. Martial arts have helped me in the past, they have taught me to direct my attention/energy to suit my emotional state. Still the deepest one is anger and I have a hard time getting that out. Violence is the only way I was taught to express anger, which has really scared me into an introvert person, as I don't want to be violent. Do you guys have any tips on how to start to learn to deal with these kind of things? I mean, I have come a long way already and am much more at ease with myself than say 5 or 10 years ago, but there is still something left within that I cannot come to grips with. It seems to evade all attempts at conscious acceptance. My guess is that there is still a part of me that I don't like. I am pretending to be someone I am not. And this hurts.

Knowing this and acknowledging this helps, but there is more to it.

 

[GOD]

You have to let it out . Work it off . If you dont and try to run away from it your body will change the figfht or run reaction and it becomes a run reaction = you will never defend yourself , you will hate yourself and the cortisol / adrenaline will burn your brain and change your personality .

If you have difficulty meditating ...... dont . Just lie on your back with your eyes closed and drift / dream . After a while the hectik and nervous thinking will stop and you will relax . If you cant do that think about why and do something about it .

Stop the world , break your habits , rearange your prioritys .

Solve the problem or it will fuck you .

 

[myst1c]

I am really thankful for your concern. I have to figure out a way to trust your advice, though. Part of my problem is that I always think my problems are a lot smaller than other people's problems. I don't feel the need to deal with them as much as I feel the need to point out other people's problems. Anyway, this story is as old as speech itself, it is just hard to surrender to the way things go naturally, to the spontaneity of existance and the flow of becoming. And it is hard, precisely because it transforms you. Somewhere I (and I would imagine a lot of you) don't want to change, want to stay me, myself forever. Why is that? I really don't (want to?) understand.

 

[GOD]

I am me . The things i do are me . If i change the things i do or the way i do them i wont be me anymore .

Wrong . Its you deciding . You are always you . And your you has always changed . When a person gets out of childhood and his personality is fixed , usualy at about 16 , he thinks that that me is THE me and is scared that that changes . ( this is another part of the , sometimes , painfull ego death some people experience and the reason for a lot of people having problems with letting go ) . But its better to think that life is change . That change is natural and nesecery . That what we think of personality fixing is realy the personality finding the corner flags , the goal posts and the edges of the field . And as it would be realy shity spending your life in an empty sports arena ............ the game starts ......... the game changes but the viewer is the same . So change carrys on but i remain the same .

Ask yourself why you think you should help other people and not you . There are several reasons . ( One is , is it a form of running away from solving your own problems . An excuse ? )

But this is what i mean with prioritys in the wrong order .

Solving problems is often a case of looking at the problem in a different way / from a different perspective . ( thats another reason why psychedelics can be so usefull ) .

 

[mysticwarrior]

I am really thankful for your concern. I have to figure out a way to trust your advice, though. Part of my problem is that I always think my problems are a lot smaller than other people's problems. I don't feel the need to deal with them as much as I feel the need to point out other people's problems. Anyway, this story is as old as speech itself, it is just hard to surrender to the way things go naturally, to the spontaneity of existance and the flow of becoming. And it is hard, precisely because it transforms you. Somewhere I (and I would imagine a lot of you) don't want to change, want to stay me, myself forever. Why is that? I really don't (want to?) understand.

I have read everything you said, and i have to say i recognize some things that you are telling to us. In the past i also had a lot of angry feelings in me, and guess what? I still have them, but i learned to recognize them and feeling them for what they are. I learned to not ignore them, but just experience them. Just let the energy flow. Ones you understand how to accept them, they won't heart as much as when you can't accept them and start to freak out. Sometimes it just can cost you years, before you recognize the bad feelings and behaviors, so you can transform them into something positive..

But still, sometimes i just experience these feelings. And say stupid thinks etc. I guess it's just a part of our lifes.

 

[restin]

A warm welcome to you, myst1c. I really do know what your problem is and guess what - I honestly do not have any solutions. GOD is completely right - of course - but I think that you know the "theory" already a long time. It is the "practice", reality that is the real problem here and I really don't know how to solve it. Changing oneself is difficult, you can change opinions, moral values but ia profound change is hard. On the other hand, you must think through if it is really bad what you experience. I sometimes envy and sometimes pity people who live without problems.

Ah well I think I can give you a piece of advice. Make the best out of it. Yes. Go with the experience/problem, let yourself go. Don't fight, it probably will get worse and you only create a dissonance in your mind. If you have a depression/anger, do sports, draw!, do arts, or what you like,love. Don't just sit there and think that you must change. Dance. What you like.

 

[mrvn]

Welcome,
What works for me to get a relaxed mind is running, 10 km or so trying to go as fast as you can whitout hurting youreself. After you'll feel relaxed, and you losed a lot of (negative)energie. good mood for meditation

 

[mysticwarrior]

Welcome,
What works for me to get a relaxed mind is running, 10 km or so trying to go as fast as you can whitout hurting youreself. After you'll feel relaxed, and you losed a lot of (negative)energie. good mood for meditation

I'll 100% agree with this.

 

[myst1c]

On a cerebral level I understand and even defend what you said, GOD, but it is different in practice. I have felt the way you described often on psychedelic journeys and in moments where I really learned something important. But I still have the feeling there is something more within that needs to get out.

All in all I am pretty relaxed and generally feel great to be alive and experience everything I am experiencing. I don't have a lot of anger in me, it is a trace element that I can't seem to get hold off. Maybe I'm too much looking for control on the negative side, instead of just letting it happen (which I do think is the wisest thing to do). I don't consider this to be a 'problem', it is something that is in need of care and love, even consciousness. I feel good about having this 'problem', it is teaching me a lot.

All through school I was the smartest person in the room (including the teachers), but I was afraid. Since I started using psychedelics, I have worked through a lot of fear, which was actually pretty easy. But now I'm bouncing of a layer of anger somewhere deep inside. It doesn't hurt, but it is like opening the door to hell everytime I get near. And that is not a bad thing, but it is something that I need to watch very closely. I don't want to hurt anyone, maybe even in the sense that I want everybody to be happy before I can be happy. Reversed egoism (is also egoism).

 

[GOD]

"but it is different in practice".

In practice = how YOU see what happens to you / what YOU do about that view . And thats the problem . Our way of seeing things and how we react is what causes the problem and what stops us changing / solving the problems . When the pain is big enough we change things , one way or the other , so that the pain is managable ................. Or we see the "positive" benefits and take it on as part of us , as something that is and that we cant change . Untill it becomes part of our personality . I always think that a lot of what life is about is seeing ourselves as we are and whats going on around us . In therapising ourselves . In solving our problems and developing ourselves .

" I'm bouncing of a layer of anger somewhere deep inside."

Dont go near it then . Acept that you know its there and can go near it and open it if you want or not . Then sometime when you dont feel threatened by it you can take peeks in there . Or work out other strategys to deminish it / come to terms with it .

But what do you mean by bouncing off , opening the door to hell and layer of anger ?

 

[myst1c]

It was a somewhat archaeological metaphore. I guess what I needed to say was that I get angry whenever I dig too deeply within myself. Either the digging could be wrong or the anger. Your replies have opened my eyes a little bit to the former, it might have been one of my blind spots.

I like the idea of going there when I don't feel threatened. It is a new way to approach something that usually doesn't come up in those circumstances. At the same time it might be like learning to swim safely on the land. I'll give it a try, though.