viljo's first short story, do not laugh!

[viljo]

THERE'S A BOY AND HIS RIDING HIS BIKE DOWN A DARK BACK ALLEY STREET. HE KNOWS HIS CLOSE AFTER ALL IT
ALL IT IS HIS SECRET HIDING PLACE. HE PULLS OVER AND PARKS HIS BIKE INCONSICUIOUSLY.
AS HE ENTERS HIS ADONDANODED BUILDING HIS WRIST BAND CHANGES FROM GREEN TO RED, HIS ALARM SYSTEM HAS BEEEN AUTOMATICALLY DISABLED AND AS HE REACHES A SECTION OF FLOORING HE IS LOWERED DOWN INTO HIS HIDDEN ROOM.

NOW FROM AN OUTSIDE POINT OF VEIW HIS WOULD HAVE TO BE THE MOST ADVANCED SETUP PERFORMED IN THE SIMPLIEST OF WAYS EVER SEEN. PRODUCING A SMALL LIQUID CHEMICAL, IS WHAT HE HAD IN MIND YET HE HAD NEVER NAMED IT NOR HAD HE EVER MADE A DESIGN FOR IT.

NOW IT WASN'T UNTILL SHE JUST HAPPED TO BE DRIVING PAST AND FOR JUST A BRIEF MOMENT IN TIME, SHE RAISED HER HAND TO HER HEAD AS IF SHE HAD FELT THIS INTENSINSE PAIN, WAS SHE TO RELIZILE THAT SHE WAS DRIVEING STRIGHT INTO HIS BIKE.
OH HE HEARD IT AND AS HE APPROACHED THE DAMAGE, HE LOOKED AT HER, HE WALKED AROUND THE CAR AND OPEN THE DOOR. HE THEN PULLED A CORD FROM HIS WRIST BAND AND CONNECTED IT TO THE CAR. HE OPENED THE SLIDING SCREEN ON HIS WRIST BAND AND BEGUN TO TAKE NOTICE OF THE INFOMATION BEING TRANSFERED.
UNTILL ALL OF A SUDDEN HE PULLED THE CORD FROM THE CAR AND THE SCREEN WENT BLANK.

AS HE WALKED ACROSS THE ROAD AND SAT DOWN HE KNEW IT WAS ONLY MOMENTS UNTILL THE CAR'S ENERGY SUPPY WOULD ERUPT, IGNITING HIS ADVANCED DESIGN.
AS SHE WALKED OVER TO HIM THE LAST WORDS SHE WOULD SAY WAS WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR WRIST BAND? :mrgreen:

 

[IJesusChrist]

beyond me

 

[viljo]

why, please explain?

 

[IJesusChrist]

Bad grammar aside ,

I do not understand - the metal. Where is this? I don't know what you are explaining in the story,

the boy is riding his bike to his secret hiding place, he uses his technology to enter, a woman hits his bike, the boy destroys the car?

was this a dream you had?

 

[viljo]

ok thanks. it was only a sketch, 10 minutes. I need to re write it if that's all you understood!
Ther's so much more, in his hidden lair his designing a drug, she's crashes into the bike and causes damage to the car witch he can't repair causing a explozion, setting off his lab, it's in the future were technology is powerful but delicate.
his wrist band is futurristic technolgy, it's a beginning of a love story between them,--- he took the wrist band off to use it as a sheild which I havn't added yet. hope that helps a bit. thanks ijc

 

[BrainEater]

i liked it, because of that, because it was providing gaps for my imagination to fill in, therefore being like a fuel... :mrgreen:

 

[viljo]

 

[BrainEater]

 

[viljo]

I'm going to introduce a small comilion, his very psycadalic and changes his colors often, after the explozion the small cridders finds home with him.

once the persit beginnins , be aware of the subliminal messages that will follow- you will be shown a moden infrusture that will amaze!

chapter 2 coming soon!!!

 

[IJesusChrist]

What if the boy makes his house, and has a new type of metal? One that can wrap around his body and make him into like a chameleon? Chameleons are so cool.

I think I would like to be able to control time, and change my color. bam zam and im on a roof! I could watch everything from up there.

 

[Sprax]

A good rule to remember when someone is reading your work:

If your friend or whoever you've asked to read you work, doesn't understand the first time they read something, chances are pretty good no one else will either.
a) sorry but I don't quite follow
b) all caps? why? why??

 

[viljo]

you make a good point sprax

although you wern't ment to understand everything yet, it's more then likely to hard to follow.

so it needs work, probley a shit load too :mrgreen:

 

[IJesusChrist]

viljo I like it, it remind me of images I had when I was younger, thought trails of stories while basking in the summer sun, or walking under the late moonlit trails of my home.