Uncertain of where I'm heading

[parpar-le-mah]

Oh, hello. I currently reside under my friend's roof in the mountains of Adirondack Park, New York (USA), south of Montréal (Québec) by about two hours' time driving. Nobody knows my official address but the County Health Department, which these days means everybody, not that I'm hiding myself. Or am I? Hmm, not sure to be honest. Thinking not.

I have an idea of what I'm doing, but not really. Just seeking old family I suppose, no known immediate members here. But so what, if we're all related as it goes. I'm 31.

I'll be out this next week because I need to leave. I think I'll take a job at the gas station. I don't know. They seem friendly. An honest job. They use the word "family" in their application. I like to travel.

I don't do drugs other than what's been prescribed to me along with the seldom passed-around-pot. I enjoy meeting with my doctors. It's been awhile. Perhaps I'm habitually lonely, roaming about in search of something or someone, criss-crossing the map and highlighting the roads I've formerly travelled, painting lines on this earthen canvas. Will it be a masterpiece? Perhaps when the other half of the painting is found. Or is it missing? Maybe not. No, maybe it's simply just concealed and I'm carrying it with me all the while. Well, no auction in the near future, or so I foretell. Then again, can I be certain that I won't need to present this work in progress at a sudden moment?

Unless I cease to take my medication, I'm just "me". Otherwise I'm a trip. But me... who are you? I was someone, wasn't I? You remember when, but can you remember now?

But I feel I have nothing to prove, or so it feels. Or is it that I am afraid to prove what I feel? Ugh, just an image or wow, what a dream?

I'm
a bit of a ghost.
a Listless wanderer.
Floating, fluttering, flitting, fleeing
awaiting a metamorphosis. Awaiting?!

Argh, no wonder I'm so impatient. I must put one step forward. It's my path and mine alone. Who else but I can make the journey?

But don't let my mood fool you: I'm exceptionally optimist. Just pulled in many directions. A bit of a mental paralysis.

So-to-speak.

So thank you for allowing me to clear a little of my mind this night.

Peacelings

 

[ophiuchus]

in my opinion it's good to be uncertain. it means you still allow all possibilities to be on the table. unlimiting. glad to have you. hope your moving about still allows you internet, although i guess even a homeless man can have internet. libraries aren't what they used to be. :wink: a valid address, nevermind ones own, gives access to nearly all the information existing