Tuo Ears Yago

[IJesusChrist]

Two years ago, I wasn't myself, not even human. I couldn't interact properly at school unless I completely faked it, and tried to act like someone else. I couldn't speak a full paragraph to anyone, all my answers were yes, no, heh, yea, i dont know, yeah man.
I just wasn't there. For a very long time I was lost, I wasn't able to remember things, and I was confusing dreams with reality. I would feel like I had been places I never had, and feel like I had never been to places I had been every day. I felt as if reality was too simple for me - people were nothing but animals, and I was reading them like books. I would read their intentions through every little movement and twitch they had, I became board of it, reality, my friends, everything. Suicide? Why? Why would not existing be any better than this? Atleast here I know something, in fact I know everything.

I was in a severe state of depersonalization, amongst many other things. It was about 3-4 months in when I decided to find help. I couldn't go through with it though - seeing a psychiatrist, laughable. I knew he/she was going to be just stupid. It would end up me examining the psychiatrist, not the opposite.

I searched the web for a diagnoses, when I finally came here. I made some very radical first posts, and seemed a bit crazy to some of you I'm sure. I'm sure a few of you still think I'm a little odd, and I'm glad. But what I really wanted to point out to all of you is that this place is far, far beyond a forum.

I made it a retreat, a place where I can interact and say exactly what I was thinking, independant of judgement. It didn't matter. Even if ALL of you disagreed with me, which has occured numerous times, it didn't matter, I still came back, this place is not just a forum.

I want to thank all of you for being here, I grew up in many ways since I first appeared here, and I may infact owe my existance to this website...

Thanks guys. (and girls?)

 

[Forkbender]

:heart:

so good to hear you are feeling better.

 

[st.bot.32]

Same here!

 

[Nina_is_alive]

Since I've been here, IJesusChrist, I've noticed a big change in you-

a maturing.

I remember when I first joined, I saw you as someone who seemed....well I guess lost is an alright word, discontenet.

but lately, even just from seeing you post here and there- I have noticed to myself a few times how you've really seemed to come into your own

to evolve.

I'm happy for you :]


[and to the "Thanks Guys! (and girls???)] -
maybe there arent as many, but there are for sure some girls here!

 

[IJesusChrist]

:lol:

 

[Psyolopher]

Three words, one term.
Low Latent inhibition.

=)
Hope it helps for you to understand it more.
But im glad to hear you got out of it.

I still havent, i just changed....but i dont do it as extreme anymore.
all in good time i guess.
It makes me seem more intelligent, even though im really no!

 

[IJesusChrist]

Yeah, I think the reason it took so long to come out of it was I thought I was so much more intelligent when I was "depersonalized" which...

I would have to say is partially correct, you no longer assign material objects as having importance, everything you see is unbiased.

However to live, to be happy, to laugh... there is a different intelligence that is needed, and it is personalization, the ability to relate.