The Fear

[Lumo]

Hi Guys.
Complete ego-loss is something I've been working towards for a while now. I experimented with my first 5 gram solo trip (laying down in the dark, eyes closed) the other week (Golden Teacher) and am sort of hoping someone with experience in this could offer some advice?

To the point, I found I was trying to distract myself and cling onto "reality" when The Fear set in.
What I experienced when I reached a point of confusion (for lack of a better term) was a recurring theme that I was going to die. It sort of hit me like a sharp stabbing motion repeatedly in my chest and, quite frankly, felt terrifying - whereas I would then open my eyes, get up, turn on the light, and try hard to recognise where I was, who I was and what was going on - like I said earlier - to cling onto my perceived reality.

Maybe I'm being a pussy, but I'm hoping someone that has been in this situation could offer some insight, or techniques on completely letting go?

I did sort of manage to let it "consume" me later on, and afterwards arrived at a very europhic state, but I think the constant distractions I put myself through ultimately (and obviously) affected the outcome.

Is this just a case of repeated exposure, and eventually I'm master it or can anyone offer any other advice?

Thanks in advance.

Lumo

 

[druglessdouglas]

repeated exposure should get rid of The Fear.

you are going to die, but its unlikely it will happen while on mushrooms, and if it happens it wont be because of them. we spend our whole lives trying not to think about our mortality, but knowing its inevitable. when we trip the illusion falls away. all illlusions fall away.

you could try tripping with lots of distractions, music visual stimuli etc. just to get used to the experience. when you get comfortable with it, then trip with the lights out etc. when you get used to it you shouldnt get "the fear" so much.
the fear is common, but after a while it goes away. you are just experiencing ego loss in a raw form
trip with entertainment and distraction untill it becomes natural, then go deeper. its the fear that gives you "the fear"

i hope that helps, im so tired im falling asleep as i write

 

[Lumo]

Thanks a lot. I will do just that!

 

[GOD]

You aint a pussy . I think most of us have been in similar situations . Its nothing special .

You didnt say what experience you have with LSD / Mushrooms you have had previously ?

Do you try to meditate a little before you take your dose and afterwards untill you come up ? Do you fast for 4 hours before ? Had you had any other drugs ?


"cling onto "reality" - "to cling onto my perceived reality"


It sounds to me like you tried to hold onto the "now" reality . Maybe try the meditation / ritual aproach and empty your head and let it happen . It wont hurt you , just relax . If you feel uncomfortable change something . Know what you have done , why you have done and that you will come down soon . Usualy if someone has issues and doesnt take them seriously they go away in 10 - 15 minutes . Whatever happens smile .

"Is this just a case of repeated exposure, and eventually I'm maste"

Yes if you are carefull and choose your steps consciously . ( Like your mind is a garden and you are the gardner , you have to look after it ) .

 

[Jahvisions]

Funny I was just telling this in the thread
"Im so happy, i have really good weed now ."

 

[Lumo]

Hi God. wow, never thought I'd find you on a forum.

I've experimented with mushrooms several times in the past, but usually a much lower dose, with Liberty Caps and company. I've found that the trip with Golden teachers is very different for me - and I much prefer them.
I've previously experimented with DMT, salvia, mescaline, amanita mushrooms, lsa, kratom all solo so I believe(d) I'm ready; and was slightly disappointed with my lack of focus.
A side note: the only other "bad" trip, or rather, uncomfortable experience I've had was with amanita mushrooms, whereas I became delusional! I didn't find them useful at all.

I did fast for around 6 hours before hand. What I did was meditate for 20 minutes before I took them, and then after ingesting I meditated for a further 15 minutes until I started to come up. I then tried to make myself more comfortable by laying down. I wanted my focus to be completely within, which is why the lights were off, no music etc. I didn't take any other drugs with the mushrooms.

When I talk about clinging on, I found myself to become so disorientated that I really didn't know where I was, I couldn't name objects around me, I couldn't think of my past and a sort of paranoia developed from then on. The theme of death did take me by suprise as I've never thought I had any issues with it - but I think this can be attributed with being overwhelmed by the intense and foreign things I was feeling.

I think I'll do as druglessdouglas suggested and familiarise myself with the effects of this dose with lights and music. I won't be attempting another trip until the New Year I think.


Thank you for your input. Much appreciated.

 

[Jahvisions]

When I got these feelings, I was was repeating to myself,feel love, love, and it will get over..... and It's because I am under influence(these kind of things). Often it are just moments and unless you panic you get the better feelings too. The key is giving up resistance, don't fight And try to understand or hold on to daily reality, but that sounds easier then it sometimes is.

 

[Lumo]

Jahvisions, I will adopt your Love mantra for sure.

 

[Jahvisions]

Now I get really curious if there is a real difference with mushrooms. I have my own stash of the mexicans. But when I think about it, these anxious feelings I got the most with these, the so called 'weakest' ones. I also had the azurescens and hawaiien but it was much more easy to give up the resistance and totally go up into the feeling and got my ego loss. I thought the strongness was totally depend on the percentage of psilocybine/psilocyne, but maybe the other alkaloids really give a different synergistic effect. Maybe even the differnce in amount of psilocybine and psilocyne. Maybe my next thing to do is going for a golden teacher supply!

 

[Lumo]

I'd seriously recommend trying Golden Teachers (or any type of shroom that you haven't already). I tried several different types when I stayed in Amsterdam for a bit last year and I found they all effected me differently.
Liberty Caps are the ones that grow local to me, but the Golden eachers I've grown myself.
Although I've only done one 5 gram Golden teachers trip, I have had a few 2.5-3 gram trips and they have been great experiences.

 

[somniferousalmondeyes]

If your really ready to plunge into the ego-death experience, throw about 200 to 300mg's DXM into your trip. If your not into synthetics, this obviously won't help you and im sorry. But my experiences with mushrooms and DXM have been both terrifying and the quickest rout to egodeath. You have to be ready to let go. If your not, its not your fault. The fear will fade. Enlightenment will come. It just takes time.
This really pollutes the mushroom experience though, so have some grass on hand and be ready for a wild ride. Its completely different, but has some of the best aspects of both experiences.
This can also cause some really uncomfortable gastrointestinal distress. I've found the best way to circumvent this problem is by eating the DXM in robotussin jell cap form before eating anything, drinking some water and eating light (think bread or crakers). After about a half hour the best way to get the shrooms into the experience is by making tea. Psilocybin is water soluble, but if your really worried about losing potency, eat the mushrooms at the bottom of the cup. I know you want an ego death experience to be as clean as possible but a few hits of good grass really makes this whole process a lot more comfortable both physically and mentally.
Hope this helps.

 

[Lumo]

Thanks, somniferousalmondeyes. I haven't used DXM before.
I have my mushrooms dried and in power form - stored in .5 g capsules, and when I take them I empty the contents into a drink.

I had a look on erowid about robotussin, so this is something I will look into further. Thanks for bringing it up. I expect I'll experiment with this for a bit before I combine it with the shrooms.

I always try to have a bit of weed around, but my contacts for that are unreliable. :x

 

[somniferousalmondeyes]

any time, im here to help. Its a strange experience. Good luck, and remember, sometimes it doesn't feel healthy. Despite this, your not the first person to go though this and you are going to make it though. I hear ketamine is MUCH better for this, but i haven't had the chance to get my hands on any.

 

[Lumo]

I've used ketamine a few times, but for recreational use. I did have a time when I took a big dose, and I spent hours with myself projected onto my flat mate. I was sort of dreaming life through the eyes of my flat mate. Even down to how I imagine he feels and views the world - which was very interesting. When I came round I was so violently sick that I had hundreds of these blood dot things (sorry I don't know the actual term) round my eyes.

My problem with K and a few other drugs is that I can't count on the purity. I prefer to use things like shrooms and dmt where I've prepared it myself and can trust it

 

[user_1919]

Take more. Then you have no choice but to let go.

peace & love

 

[Forkbender]

Blasting through the fear can indeed be very enlightening. Usually turns out that you were afraid of the unknown, which disappears as soon as you 'know'.

 

[tryptonaut]

I'm always having that problem. The only way I was able to cross the line more than just a little was when I wasn't able to get me out of it. The first time I had this was when I tried to get myself out, but I couldn't. I wasn't able to see myself anymore - I really tried hard to look at my arm, but I couldn't see it, although I could see the rest of the room. Maybe turning on the lights would have helped, but in the situation I wasn't able to to even think about it. Don't ask me how or why, it just was...

Still I think I need to get better, I have several times shot myself out of "the total trip" by opening my eyes in panic. In the meantime, I think it doesn't matter. Give it time. Try again. It will work when the time is right!
A good trip isn't worthless just because you weren't able to lose yourself in hyperspace.

 

[Lumo]

I really appreciate everyone's input.
I'll be embarking on another trip on New Year's Eve. I'll let you all know how it goes.

 

[somniferousalmondeyes]

so, the fear completely took over my mushroom experience last night. Got some incredibly potent caps from Vt. Needless to say, the powder at the bottom of the bag was enough to cause mild visual distortions. I got cocky. Shouldn't have eaten the entire eigth on night i wanted to get some sleep. Pure stupidity on my part. I was a bit overcome by the "ive done this before, ill be fine

 

[HeartCore]

The fear for me.

My experience with 'the fear' that it was mostly a fear of the unknown. In other words, I was afraid for how far out, mushrooms could take me. Over the years (15), I've been gradually becoming more experienced and with high doses, growing my own mushrooms since years. during a period in my life where I determined what was the maximum dose for me that was still tolerable, interesting and valuable as in positive psychological after effects, I learned 'how far out' the maximum of 'far outness' is on mushroom, for me personally. This combined with an optimal set/setting (otherwise I won't 'go'), reduced all fear for me except some mild anxiety just before taking them.