T
timidbull
Guest
so i've been steadily blasting off for 3 years now every day/other day before bed with a month or so rest every few, and any how.... both times this has happened i have been shaken to the core. i remember remembering the first time it happened i was sitting in my comfy computer chair with headphones on , like usual, same eyeballed chunk of dmt as usual sitting on the chore that's packed in my roor well... i hit it one, two... probalbly 3 or 4 i can't ever remember or never really try to remember how many rips i take,... i go until there's now way in hell anyone could even put there mouth down for another. well that's where any similarity ends. all of the sudden i'm in a black empty void and i feel and sense with every part of my soul that it all is over. like as in, All Existence of Everything. every person planet and bit of our known universe and dimensions. it's all gone and it is fucking terrifying.
you see, i've lived a long life i in 30 yrs. been shot in the back on 30 something hits of acid, travelled a bit, explored and dug into probably 90% more of my consciousness than any random person i'd pass on the streets, i clean hi rise windows hanging on a rope for a living for fucks sake. i'd miss my wife and kid, but i've always been very grounded in the fact i know that when i die, no matter what the universe rolls on and i will rot into nutrients, or be eaten by sharks,btw that would be my primary choice for my wife to get rid of my body. dynamite to blow me into tiny bits of chum. don't do what i did and make the mistake of saying that in random conversation within earshot of your mother in law. she really thinks 5 years later from that one statement... i really have to learn how to love that rotten cunt before she dies. really, or i know i will feel guilt every time my wife cries or talks about her....
anyways, back on track. so, not scared to die because, well, i guess everyone else and everything else will be ok and my little molecules will scatter and who knows where my consciousness will be. but there was that one thing that i wasn't prepared for and that was such an empty nothingness in which i felt all of the worlds pain for what was probably a few seconds compressed onto one point in my chest. i remember thinking, or knowing that what had happened was that everyone had thought too hard. or maybe it was that the worlds brightest and most creative minds somehow managed to flip reality into nothing... all on accident. that was what i had thought had happened the first time this went down. the 2nd time was 2 years later, new house, actually we had moved twice and both times was in a spot i was very comfortable in in a home i loved. all alone save my wife in bed in the next room. was listening to a "Health/Fuck Buttons" playlist i had been listening to alot since Tarot Sport came out. the 2nd time i clearly, it was much more recent, remember thinking," oh shit.. we've done it now... everyone smoked too much spice at once and we've thought ourselves into a black hole. same emptiness, same loneliness and pain. i really believed this, every bit of it. i was beyond dead and so were you guys.
well, the 1/2 hour come down and after glows that i had on both occassions were nearly identical with the main difference being my wife saying something along the lines of,"you did it again didn't you? what you're not crazy enough?" the first thing that i remember thinking back here on earth is along the lines of seeing my wife and realizing that she went through it too and must be as scared as i am so i try and hold her and ask her if she's ok, and then i grab my dachshund, boris, and he becomes like a totem in "inception" and grounds me back on this planet. this has terrified me so deeply that right at the moment of realization that i had smoked dmt, i have both times felt the best, most euphoric sense of "fuck yeah!!!" it's going to be o.k. i felt that feeling one time in my life other than the 2 times with dmt and that was when i finally started coming back to reality realizing what planet i was on, who i was and that i had just had a really fucked up acid trip and ran half way across st.pete in the middle of the night in my boxers only to come to over a long 2 hours in some strange back yard with dog shit caked in my hair.
i've never had a "bad trip" don't believe in them. just a few terrifying, soul changing ones that i have always accepted as part of the game and that i feel have served to humble my punk ass when needed. so that's about it. my first post was a rant about us all smoking our way into a super-massive black hole. i just stumbled onto this site by accident while looking up "funny psychonaut quotes" and laughed so fucking hard i literally almost shit myself (finally kicking pills at the moment). dope sick and PV sucks, takes your mind off of it if you're not too bad off or on the tail end and already not going to sleep for another week. well, thats it. i should have a g of DOM from my cousin on the west coast in mondays mail and i'm fuckin' stoked. it was cool as hell for my wife to give me a couple weeks to just relax and kick the pills w/o any worries or my little guy jumping up and down on my chest at 6am. i feel just barely good enough to enjoy all of this alone time playing video games, hangin with the chickens in the back yard and tripping my face off for a couple of days. all done now. gonna go poke about in the forums. i've never posted that dmt stuff before and i don't know why. maybe it still feels a little close and personal. i'm sure you guys know how special spice can be to you.
you see, i've lived a long life i in 30 yrs. been shot in the back on 30 something hits of acid, travelled a bit, explored and dug into probably 90% more of my consciousness than any random person i'd pass on the streets, i clean hi rise windows hanging on a rope for a living for fucks sake. i'd miss my wife and kid, but i've always been very grounded in the fact i know that when i die, no matter what the universe rolls on and i will rot into nutrients, or be eaten by sharks,btw that would be my primary choice for my wife to get rid of my body. dynamite to blow me into tiny bits of chum. don't do what i did and make the mistake of saying that in random conversation within earshot of your mother in law. she really thinks 5 years later from that one statement... i really have to learn how to love that rotten cunt before she dies. really, or i know i will feel guilt every time my wife cries or talks about her....
anyways, back on track. so, not scared to die because, well, i guess everyone else and everything else will be ok and my little molecules will scatter and who knows where my consciousness will be. but there was that one thing that i wasn't prepared for and that was such an empty nothingness in which i felt all of the worlds pain for what was probably a few seconds compressed onto one point in my chest. i remember thinking, or knowing that what had happened was that everyone had thought too hard. or maybe it was that the worlds brightest and most creative minds somehow managed to flip reality into nothing... all on accident. that was what i had thought had happened the first time this went down. the 2nd time was 2 years later, new house, actually we had moved twice and both times was in a spot i was very comfortable in in a home i loved. all alone save my wife in bed in the next room. was listening to a "Health/Fuck Buttons" playlist i had been listening to alot since Tarot Sport came out. the 2nd time i clearly, it was much more recent, remember thinking," oh shit.. we've done it now... everyone smoked too much spice at once and we've thought ourselves into a black hole. same emptiness, same loneliness and pain. i really believed this, every bit of it. i was beyond dead and so were you guys.
well, the 1/2 hour come down and after glows that i had on both occassions were nearly identical with the main difference being my wife saying something along the lines of,"you did it again didn't you? what you're not crazy enough?" the first thing that i remember thinking back here on earth is along the lines of seeing my wife and realizing that she went through it too and must be as scared as i am so i try and hold her and ask her if she's ok, and then i grab my dachshund, boris, and he becomes like a totem in "inception" and grounds me back on this planet. this has terrified me so deeply that right at the moment of realization that i had smoked dmt, i have both times felt the best, most euphoric sense of "fuck yeah!!!" it's going to be o.k. i felt that feeling one time in my life other than the 2 times with dmt and that was when i finally started coming back to reality realizing what planet i was on, who i was and that i had just had a really fucked up acid trip and ran half way across st.pete in the middle of the night in my boxers only to come to over a long 2 hours in some strange back yard with dog shit caked in my hair.
i've never had a "bad trip" don't believe in them. just a few terrifying, soul changing ones that i have always accepted as part of the game and that i feel have served to humble my punk ass when needed. so that's about it. my first post was a rant about us all smoking our way into a super-massive black hole. i just stumbled onto this site by accident while looking up "funny psychonaut quotes" and laughed so fucking hard i literally almost shit myself (finally kicking pills at the moment). dope sick and PV sucks, takes your mind off of it if you're not too bad off or on the tail end and already not going to sleep for another week. well, thats it. i should have a g of DOM from my cousin on the west coast in mondays mail and i'm fuckin' stoked. it was cool as hell for my wife to give me a couple weeks to just relax and kick the pills w/o any worries or my little guy jumping up and down on my chest at 6am. i feel just barely good enough to enjoy all of this alone time playing video games, hangin with the chickens in the back yard and tripping my face off for a couple of days. all done now. gonna go poke about in the forums. i've never posted that dmt stuff before and i don't know why. maybe it still feels a little close and personal. i'm sure you guys know how special spice can be to you.
