Smoked high dose again

[IJesusChrist]

Those following the story of my cannabis adventures will find this post relevant;

Smoked quite a bit after about 5-6 drinks over the coarse of 4 hours and watched TV with some friends. Felt normal "high" and then I felt the "odd" high. I was able to maintain a very good composure over all, and enjoyed immersing myself in the immidiate surroundings, however, as always with strong doses of cannabis I started to see things differently.

There was a portion of watching a TV Drama where I could no longer focus on the story line. I was continuously only seeing the characters as actors. They were, of course, actors. I felt as if I was watching a play, with the entire stage, scene and audience in plain view. I didn't feel like I was watching TV anymore. This subsided and I got back into the plot. I laughed, and at one point I remembered "love". And it made a dramatic improvement.

It hit again, and it took me a minute to find my composure to tell everyone Iwas leaving. It subsided extrodinarily fast and I got up, said my byes, and left nicely. I got home and played video games and was confronted with a vision. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy vision, but often when I am very, very high and I look at people, women especially, I see them as babies. As infants. It's a weird phenomena but it's as if I'm watching a 3rd, 4th, or 5th grader speak in an adult's body. It was my roomates girlfriend and she made this facial expression that hit a chord of a young child. I felt the tunneling funnel of weight hit me. The extreme anxiety was just behind a gate. I shut the gate and moved on quickly.

My girlfriend I could tell was really wanting to do the doo doo but very tired. I became extremely confused. As I looked at her, I couldn't tell if she enjoyed my company beyond sex. I wondered if I was just a booty call that night. She looked so incredibly tired though... I couldn't understand the thought process she held, and still can't. I'm at a standstill in communication with her at the moment.

sex was amazing though, or atleast I think it was. I was so high, slightly drunk, and extremely tired myself so I could have dreamt it all... Woke up in a daze.

/journal

for those of you who don't know, I've been struggling then experimenting, and now recovering with a very interesting weed induced panic and anxiety. I've taken the past few years to figure out how to grow from it and this experience showed me, yet again, that I have the potential to be free of that weird state of mind, or atleast dismantle it.

 

[itsscience]

As I looked at her, I couldn't tell if she enjoyed my company beyond sex. I wondered if I was just a booty call that night. She looked so incredibly tired though... I couldn't understand the thought process she held, and still can't. I'm at a standstill in communication with her at the moment.

IJC, one of the things I'm slowly starting to realise is that I am not the reason why people behave/think the way they do. I used to spend a lot of time getting hung up on people's words/actions because I kept thinking I was somehow the cause of those words/actions. I destroyed a marriage to the only woman I'll ever love because I was so arrogant to think that I was the cause of her problems. I was so self absorbed/arrogant that I couldn't see the truth (the truth being that she lived in a world populated by people other than just me and more importantly led a life for many years that did not include me at all) - One thing I think I do know about women (at least women over 30) is that very very few of them just want a "booty call".

I will live the rest of my life in regret because I lost "the one" and I lost her because I couldn't see that her world was far wider than "me".

 

[31andsunny]

There was a portion of watching a TV Drama where I could no longer focus on the story line. I was continuously only seeing the characters as actors. They were, of course, actors. I felt as if I was watching a play, with the entire stage, scene and audience in plain view. I didn't feel like I was watching TV anymore. This subsided and I got back into the plot. I laughed, and at one point I remembered "love". And it made a dramatic improvement.

ive experienced something similiar to this but it was with music after smoking alot of pot i went home and was having difficulty sleeping as i would usually have after smoking too much which i thought was pretty weird cuz most all the ppl i know just like pass out but any ways i was listening to rap and i starting listening to it like people and not as music and i starting thinking that rap songs arent really about any thing just random words that rhyme and this kinda depressed me