Polyamory

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Do any of you have experience with polyamory? What are your thoughts about it? It seems to be quite common in communes, and it seems to be quite popular amongst neohippies as well.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

"Polyamory (from Greek ???

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

Well, I usually have enough problems with 1 woman at a time
But, I guess that in this way there is a clear understanding/consent for all parties, so it actually might be very refreshing to experience.
But no, I do not have any experience in this field whatsoever.

Sounds interesting though, providing that every party is actually broadminded enough to handle it.

I think this is also what transpired in Osho communities,
they were really free in loving each other

That Dr. Joy also has some good stuff about Tantra.
Although I find her botox-cheeks a bit scary, I won't hold it against her

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Yes, Osho, or Bhagwan Rajneesh, was an important proponant of the lifestyle. But in order for it to work, people had to live in communes. I wonder to what extent polyamorous relationships are possible outside such a communal setting.

Osho - Marriage and Children

"It is simply human: you see a beautiful woman, and you would like to have some time with her. You need not have any God's permission for it."

"Everybody should get divorce, without exception. And people should meet and love eachother. Occasionally, as opportunity comes, there should be no ugly situation where a wife has to make love to a man whom she does not love anymore, but she's fulfilling her duty, and the husband is fulfilling his duty. While he's making love to the woman he may be thinking of some other woman, and she may be thinking of some other man... What kind of neurotic society you have created? If you don't love eachother, at least be human and tell frankly that it was beautiful to be together, but now it is finished. Say goodbye."

 

[Twilight]

It's interesting, although I've only read bad things about it.
On a different Dutch board it's almost always a guy who's already married who finds another woman. And to make things more complicated the woman's also married.
The one with two different partners tries to make his wife accept this whole thing, but it doesn't always work out really well.
I think all partners should agree for 1000% before engaging in relationships like this, mostly because it's just not common here.

I've seen a movie called 'Vicky Christina Barcelona' in which a relationship between 3 partners is involved. It's interesting, because it's well thought out.

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

Interesting question, how (and if) this would work in "everyday normal lives"
I think swinging is the McDonalds version of it and probably will work better for more people in this society.
But ofcourse swinging is just about the sex, not about actual affection.

I think the biggest problem would be between people that have busy lives, demanding jobs, a lot of stress, because with every partner, that aspect comes through, so you double or triple or quadruple the amount of stress experienced and shared by others with you.
I guess everybody has to have pretty stable minds, or at least be open minded enough.
Ofcourse everybody sometimes gets angry or has difficulties with frustration, I think the most important thing would be that everybody could direct that into normal conversation in complete understanding of eachother, otherwise shit is going to hit the fan

*clicks on the Osho video (one of the few, or maybe the only one I haven't seen yet )

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I think that if the different partners live far apart, there will be more situations in which jealousy arises than when the three partners share the same bedroom. But I guess such polyamorous relationships are quite rare, especially in our society.

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

I think that if the different partners live far apart, there will be more situations in which jealousy arises than when the three partners share the same bedroom. But I guess such polyamorous relationships are quite rare, especially in our society.

If any

I think there will probably be such relationships here, but probably in communes
It actually sounds very sensible what Osho says about the workings of a community, because a family is restricted to it's own (screwed up) workings.

I can recall a topic from a long time ago in wich someone (I think Heartcore) mentioned old societies where people would share everything.
The kids were raised by everyone, lovers weren't exclusive and everyone was equal to one-another.

 

[GOD]

Why dont you meet and fuck eachother ?

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

Hey, I'm all for man-love
But I don't take it up the ass

 

[IJesusChrist]

I think its totally natural, but I'm not going to do it, simply because if I found a girl that wanted to do polyamory... I wouldn't like her.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

It actually sounds very sensible what Osho says about the workings of a community, because a family is restricted to it's own (screwed up) workings.

Yes, but I still think the parents should remain the primary caretakers of the children. Children shouldn't be abandoned by lazy parents, simply because there are lots of secondary primetakers around.

I can recall a topic from a long time ago in wich someone (I think Heartcore) mentioned old societies where people would share everything. The kids were raised by everyone, lovers weren't exclusive and everyone was equal to one-another.

That sounds like one of Terence McKenna's descriptions of an archaic culture centered around the regular ingestion of mushrooms.

 

[Horrigan]

I'd love to be in love with two girls at the same time, it wouldn't bother me as long as they love each other.

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

Yes, but I still think the parents should remain the primary caretakers of the children. Children shouldn't be abandoned by lazy parents, simply because there are lots of secondary primetakers around.

Yes I definitely agree, but most parents in those communities are responsible and loving people so I think this goes without saying

That sounds like one of Terence McKenna's descriptions of an archaic culture centered around the regular ingestion of mushrooms.

Ah yes! Now I remember.
I've got a lot of reading up to do on McKenna.
Although I've just got in The Doors/HeavenHell

I'd love to be in love with two girls at the same time, it wouldn't bother me as long as they love each other.

...until things like jalousy start to arise.
Don't underestimate the emotional force behind these type of relationships.
No disrespect, just a point to ponder

Anyway, fascinating stuff. I don't think I'm ready for Polyamory (or will be in the next 5 years) but it is an interesting subject for sure

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

I'd love to be in love with two girls at the same time, it wouldn't bother me as long as they love each other.

...until things like jalousy start to arise.
Don't underestimate the emotional force behind these type of relationships

I just read (here) that the triad is actually much less stable than the quad (made up of two couples).

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

Good balance goes for everything I guess

 

[Horrigan]

Two girls in my bed, I can't dream of something better
Just think about it.

 

[st.bot.32]

I do know lots of people who practice very open relationships. people still end up having a primary partner nonetheless. it's human nature. my relationship is open more or less also. i don't mind it in practice. it's never been a problem, my gf and I love each other, there is no feeling of ownership other than what we give to each other. when you are deeply in love you only see your partner anyway. also for the really open relationships, it only works for equally open, communicative people so no one is going behind each other's back, standing each other up and hurting each other's feelings. it doesn't give you a license to not care.

i don't like the idea of a community raising children. having grown up in a small community, where everyone knew each other and you couldn't fart without everyone knowing, i speak from experience. it's way too constrictive. having two parents is already too much for most of us to deal with growing up. having other adults you can turn to as a resource, good. but having everyone think they are your parent, man, looking back 20 years, i think my head would have exploded but i'm a rebel i guess.

 

[Caduceus Mercurius]

Ah yes! Now I remember.

Here's the passage:

I guess I have to go back to this scenario of human development, and say, just very briefly: here’s how
I think this worked. I’m not going to run through the whole evolutionary scenario, but this thing
about ego… All primates have what are called dominance hierarchies. That simply means that the
hard-bodied, long-fanged, young males kick everybody else around. They control the females, the
children, homosexuals, the elderly… everybody is taking orders from this dominance hierarchy. And
this is true clear back into squirrel monkeys; it’s a generalised feature of primate behaviour. And it’s
an aspect of our behaviour, as we sit here: women – the feminine – is not honoured; the elderly are
marginalised; homosexuals, that whole issue; many of our social and political ills stem from this
attitude. Well, but you see I believe that when we left the trees, and admitted psilocybin into our diet,
that it has the effect of dissolving boundaries, and making this maintenance of a dominance hierarchy
very very difficult.

First of all, the key on one level to maintaining the dominance hierarchy is monogamous pairbonding.
That’s where it begins. In a society taking a lot of psilocybin, monogamous pair-bonding
breaks down, because of the CNS activation, and sexual arousal. So in a psilocybin-using culture,
there will be a tendency to orgiastic sexual behaviour, rather than monogamous pair-bonding. What
that does is it causes an incredible social cohesion, because in an orgiastic society men cannot trace
lines of male paternity. So men’s attitude toward children is, “These children are all ours. We the
group

 

[magickpencil]

i'm definitely a proponent
you really have to rethink the concept of a relationship to fully grasp polygamy
an argument for polygamy is really an argument for the old maxim "it takes a village to raise a child"

 

[Mr.Smith]