Polyamory, relationship anarchy etc.

[Whyra]

I've noticed that there are quite many psychonauts that are polyamoric or relationship anarchists etc. This sometimes happens when people start thinking outside of the box: Why should I be only with one person if I love two people at the same time? What's wrong with that? Why can't we all just be free and be with whoever we want to be? Why do the relationships have to limit us so much? What is it that we are afraid of if our partner is with someone else? How could I ever have to right to say to someone else what he/she can or can't do with his/hers own body?

How about you? Has this happened to you? Have you had any problems with it?

I would call myself a relationship anarchist. I guess I've been that for a long time already, and it feels like that's what I am naturally. I was like that even before I did psychedelics for the first time but back then I didn't realize that I could actually love somebody and get loved back and still be with whoever I want. I always thought that if I really like somebody then I have to stop being with others. So basically I was a "relationship anarchist" as long as I didn't have so strong feelings towards anyone.

Now I've decided not to go for monogamous relationships anymore. It's just not for me. It makes me feel like I'm in a cage.

I also don't know whether I want to determine my relationships with people anymore. I have a lot of friends I really love, sometimes we have something physical and sometimes we don't. It doesn't matter so much. I can still equally love all of them.

So... how about you guys?

 

[Finarfin]

The one writing this is in a long lasting good monogamous relationship. He does not want to Judge or tell people what to think. It,s just his thoughts about the subject.

You make it sound as if a monogamous relationship is all about power. About telling what the other can and can,t do. About setting limits. You make it sound as if a monogamous relationship is taking away your freedom. What you discribe is a bad relationship. A good relationship it is not about power or controling each other. In a good relationship you are with each other not because someone tells you to, but because you want to be.
In a good relationship you care for each other. If you care for you,re partner you do not go around having sex with whoever you like, because you care about the feelings of you,re partner. If you just fool around with who ever you like, without thinking about the feelings of your lover, you are just being insensitive.
if everyone agrees and there are no feelings hurt, it,s okay to have sex or a relationship with more people then just one partner
However do not Always expect that everyone agrees. Just be open about your intentions from the very beginning.

The one writing this does not feel the need for more then one relationship. He has been in a monogamous relationship for many years and even is married.
he does not see his relationship as a prison or a limitation. It is a commitment to each other out of love. Not a commitment out of fear, or a commitment for financial reasons or something like that. It is something visionary. Both people need to have that vision of being together in the future and being committet to make this vision reality.
Without this vision it becomes different. Some people have this vision, some don,t. There are all kinds of relationships. If you ask me it,s not about being monogamous or not. It,s about the state of you,re relationship(s).

 

[Hellucinate]

I also identify with RA but I got into non-monogamy probably a year or two before I started exploring my mind (most of my adult life). I don't think they are at all related for me, but both very important parts of who I am.

I have 4 'friends' (for lack of a better term) who I sleep with. I love 2 them, not sure yet about 1 and not in love at all with the last 1. They are all fine with each other and free to do whatever they want with anyone else. No need to ask permission, no need for rules. I think one huge difference between polyamory and relationship anarchy is that poly folk tend to make up a bunch of rules for their partner. Even reasonable ones like "don't have unprotected sex with someone who has HIV" wouldn't make sense in RA: instead I only accept partners who already follow rules like that for their own purposes. Intrinsic motivation > extrinsic motivation.

 

[Finarfin]

. I think one huge difference between polyamory and relationship anarchy is that poly folk tend to make up a bunch of rules for their partner. Even reasonable ones like "don't have unprotected sex with someone who has HIV" wouldn't make sense in RA: instead I only accept partners who already follow rules like that for their own purposes. Intrinsic motivation > extrinsic motivation.

This make no sense to me at all. Intrinsic motivation? what are you talking about? every ralationship should be based on intrinsic motivation, otherwise it,s just a bad relationship.

You don,t make rules instead you only accept partners who do follow rules????
That,s just the same thing as making rules. I see no difference.