"normal life" v. LSD

[MomentWeaver]

I have had a time in my late teens when I was kind of experiencing the world slightly differently, I was not doing any particular drugs at that moment, but my friends were, and now, in retrospect I can see that the whole atmosphere that was so influential to me was coming from the type of open mindedness that psychedelic drugs create.
I think in "normal life" I am normally pretty susceptible to being influenced by my surroundings, not necessarily people but generally places and atmospheres. In my last place of work I had huge problems with concentration due to the place just acting horribly on my psyche for example.
I easily loose direction I think.
I ended up in a relationship that was pretty spiritually numbing and whilst in it I was kind of longing for the sense of open mindedness and creativity I could experience with my friends when I was a teenager. I was trying to settle myself into a position which would allow me to start being creative again, but however I adjusted it, it never really worked.
Now I have discovered LSD (I have taken it before but only a small amount) and everything kind of comes naturally to me. I start flowing creative energy, outside stimuli are much more manageable because I am much more conscious of them, I can concentrate much better, follow my thoughts better can think more logically, have a very urgent sense of what is important and what not. Basically in the last few years I have been swimming and floating with no direction in life, crippled by creative blocks and fears, and now on LSD everything seems to be manageable and possible to work out. I have previously had some episodes of higher awareness and these came about spontaneously without the use of any substances, so I don't think this state of bigger existential openness is tied to any particular drug, but a this time I think LSD is the tool.
The problem I seem to have is that I am more me on acid, than without it. I don't want to lose this clarity of thought, this urgency to create...but I also don't want to have to drop a substance to keep myself together, I want it to remain a tool and not a crutch.
I know I will miss it dearly when it is over.
Any ideas of how to keep in touch?
Sorry for the too long post hope you will understand.
Thank you.

 

[mysticwarrior]

Welcome!

I have just send an PB

 

[IJesusChrist]

Welcome to psycho.

LSD, I have never personally taken, but on low doses of ayahuasca I feel the same (although I space out) but I say what I want to say, I do what I want to do without fear of repurcussions, as I know I can handle them with care, and intelligence while under the influence. I found however, that with time and determination one can approach this (this is my personal thought of ego death) ego death sober. However you may never reach it completely you make yourself better as a person by striving towards it. Time will allow this, however tools such as lsd and dmt, (not psilocybin imo) crack this open, and can possibly show you who you really are.

On lsd you are who you want to be; the real you. No fear, no anxiety of situational stress, etc...

m.... I'm out of thoughts I need to take LSD though haha.

Stick around the forum.

 

[Brugmansia]

LSD is more a width philosophical path with decreased filters around the senses than an actual experience which distants one from this world.

DMT, Salvia and San Pedro are the deeper spaceships to me, these actually wraped me back to the heart of a world which has been gone for too long, and since I'm more the soul of such a world it took me some effort to find the right 'act' to keep at least a certain connection with here to survive.

With LSD I 'only' had to find a way to exist in this world with my softened self, I could smell myself, I got more aware of my autonomous habits when alone (as everyone has these but hides them when not entirely alone, fuck knows why though), and I had to get massive creavity off my chest.

You don't need the acid for truly sensing your own sweat and smell, you have to comfort yourself in order to accept your exterior with it's smell as it is. What becomes palpable is not the acid but part of your inner sensory.

Acid demonstrates you how to dissolute the inhibition, and your memory and will can acquire this concentration and susceptibility with full relaxation.

It is witnessing ignorant people who're crawling over each other, looking for last words, which possibily makes up the biggest doubt about yourself. But they'd envy you, only if they knew, though.

 

[MomentWeaver]

thank you

I am thinking that maybe I should try some meditation techniques...
I don't know. At the moment I am aware that everything around me is contributing to a big state of agitation and lack of calm.
In the last week I was reading a J.G.Ballard story The Sound-Sweep, in which the future world has invented a new form of supersonic music, which is inaudible to the human ear but which has the capacity to influence moods and feelings of people within its reach. In this world it as has been discovered that contrary what was previously presumed, audible sound leaves "residue" and sound and noise in the end create a lot of debris which unconsciously influences people. This is how I feel about the world and living in it: that there is too much noise, loudness, speed, stupidity and that I really need a very controlled, calm and peaceful environment to function. Basically in "normal life" I get "crushed" and lose focus because of noises, bad lighting etc. I had trouble at my last work place because the I could not concentrate due to all the horrible stimuli coming form the office building. Acid allowed me to experience calmness, which I found very agreeable. But I have to function in the "normal world", I don't want to escape, I want to be able to manage dealing with it, but it is nasty, it requires you to do meaningless activities.
I know I need to find the answer myself, of what would work for me, but I had to get this little rant out of my chest.
Thanks for reading.

 

[Illegalsmile]

The problem I seem to have is that I am more me on acid, than without it. I don't want to lose this clarity of thought, this urgency to create...but I also don't want to have to drop a substance to keep myself together, I want it to remain a tool and not a crutch.

moderation and documentation

i would suggest involving other psychoactives so you dont only have lsd to use

and make it a point to somehow record your experiences and state of mind.
use these as tools to tell you what to remember and what to throw away

meditation is always recommended as well

welcome

 

[BrainEater]

you might be interested in tuning into that mindstate you like so much naturally. therefore meditation might be a good method to achieve that. i reccomend you to practice focussing on a mindstate or feeling and on how to make it last. also practive focussing or contemplate on the mindstate itself to find out what it is that you like about it. then you can easier know what it is what you need to do or not do to get there.
i think it's natural to feel discontent in many places of this modern world.
but i think there's no need to always feel like that or to think you can't change it or somethin. just practice and it will come naturally.

peace.

 

[????????]

I am more me on acid, than without it.

i know why you say this but think about this: how could you be any less you?

with or without anything what we change is our mindstate not the "real" us or Self for that cannot be changed.

yes, the holy mindstate can be achieved sober, in fact, a goal of a lot of us here is to get to it without the drugs.

 

[Mara]

I am more me on acid, than without it.

i know why you say this but think about this: how could you be any less you?

with or without anything what we change is our mindstate not the "real" us or Self for that cannot be changed.

yes, the holy mindstate can be achieved sober, in fact, a goal of a lot of us here is to get to it without the drugs.

I agree with your first point. But I don't think you can get to the exact same point without the drugs. Meditation and the effect of the drug cannot be compared in my opinion.

I recognize a lot of your story MomentWeaver, and I think meditation is a very good tip. When I'm in such an environment I look inwards, connect with my center and try to remember that I am Mara, and not my environment. Meditation helps a lot to get to this point quickly. In some way visualizing roots growing out of my feet helps for me as well.

 

[????????]

i don't think either that one could get to the same point without the drugs... i meant trying to get to similar holy states of mind after having tried the drugs

 

[fulltruth]

I am so glad to hear that you were able to cut through all that confusion and negativity to get to where you are now. I'm hoping that as I continue to self-medicate with psychedelics, I will make that journey myself. I think I'm already on the path

 

[IJesusChrist]

I am so glad to hear that you were able to cut through all that confusion and negativity to get to where you are now. I'm hoping that as I continue to self-medicate with psychedelics, I will make that journey myself. I think I'm already on the path

Welcome!

All be aware however, self-medication is dependent on you, ther person in 'need' of the medication, medicating someone (yourself).

It can be very enlightening, but never forget to stay on path, and that you want to heal, and you will.

Be careful, and I hope you 2 do well.