manuscripts of love part 2

[masternavigator11]

First rule of fight club


The night was a cold one, it was the night of December 28 2006, I had got a ten strip the night before, me and 3 other friends dropped. I eat 3 and the end corner had what looked like build up residue, this was from the sheet hang drying and this shit was really good pure shit and it was stored real good. We dropped it in a friend’s basement and chilled to as the trip rolled in. We smoked bowls and threw on tom petty and some doors, the shit took a strong hold and swept in on us, the laughter began and it was all good in tell his uncle came down, no one could understand him, or could they. I could he said something about the smoke smell and smoking around fumes and then he went back up stairs. I got the paranoid feeling and we were all like what the fuck just happened. As I looked around someone suggested we go to the store so we got out side, everything was crisp, shiny, twinkling and shimmering. The walk across the street took so long then when we got across the street, Joe proclaimed look we finally made it across the street. I looked down the street and said it’s my mom back inside and we ran back inside. The thought of what just happened came back into play in my mind when we got back inside. My boy said should we leave and I looked out the widow and got that feeling you get when you get pulled over, I said I thought you said they would never call the cops, he said ya but, we thought on it for a second.

He said jokingly we should kill your mom so we can play video games at your house. I said fuck no ill kill you all, I guess maybe joking about things like that should not be said well tripping. My adrenalin started going and my mind started racing ah shit so I got started thinking they’re going to kill my mom, I’m going to have to fight them, someone’s going to get killed, there my friends I don’t want to kill them. My Thoughts started colliding, everything got more Intense. I started realizing how hot I was getting, I also started to get claustrophobia I need to get out of here, I’m hot, you hot lets go outside, we were outside and I calmed down a little then I said I need to go home and just chill in my room. My boy said really are you sure, I said yup he said I don’t think we should split up. But we did, I went home. You should not leave a tripping kid alone, but you can’t do much about it, just talk and keep them with you. Anyway I went home; my mom came home after me. She said your fucked up, I said ya, she said go to sleep so I went in my room and through on pink Floyd, piper at the gates of dawn.
I Kept looking out the widow a bad thought of looking into the widow and seeing me hanging, after hanging myself, then I thought that be fucked up, a typical acid story kid go’s home and kills himself, aww. To cheesy plus if you kill yourself you’re a bitch, plus you just come back and start this shit over in a more fucked up life. So I closed the window shade and stopped that thought. I sat down and tried to listen to music then I shut off the light. I sat back down and started melting into the melting of the chair. Then I got the thought of my mind was melting away, also came the thought of I’m going to be stuck like this, then I remember no I can’t. I know it’s out of my system in 24 hours. I was getting panicky racing thoughts, jumping down the hole of darkness.

Acute paranoia, bug out, mindfuck whatever you want to call it, sounds started getting creepy and gritty, I was thinking this is the end. Every time I shut my eyes I saw a river of lava. Oh shit this is why my dad won’t tell me about it he saw this hell, that’s why that old guy said he wishes he never touched the shit. PLEASE GOD get me through this in one piece please god ill never touch it again. Ok try to go to sleep I saw the river of lava and whatever else I saw I did not like it. my head was on the arm rest and my eyes were closing and I kept trying to keep them open then I thought this was the end. I said no fuck this, I’m not going out like this. Then I got this brilliant idea to tell my mom, so I ran up stairs and woke her up she said what’s wrong I said I need to tell you, I’m sorry, I eat some acid I’m tripping I’m sorry I won’t do it again she acted, in my mind, like she Knew this was coming she was acting oddly relaxed, so I started getting wary of her and started thinking she set this up to scare me out of doing drugs. I just wanted her to sit there with me but after thinking that I ran down stairs.
The voices started, I was thinking people were coming after my family. first I thought I heard people in my front room, I ran in there, on the front pouch there is someone out there, I ran out on the porch no one’s their. I started yelling no one’s going to fuck with my family I’ll kill you. I ran back up stairs to my mom I heard her talking I said whose here she was on the phone she called the cops oh shit. I ran down stairs I went to my room my mom followed she tried telling me I was tripping and to calm down, to late for that shit she came in the room, I said where’s Maggie she said she was with jay. I got on the phone asked her where she was I said get home she said calm down what’s going on. I didn’t answer gave the phone back and shout and locked the door. I thought people were out there trying to get at us. My mom opened the door, went out and an e.m.t was walking out the front door. My mom stopped him and was talking to him when I came out and started flipping out yelling who are you, what are you doing, get the fuck out, he took one look at me and ran the fuck out of the house. A cop came in, I was still flipping out not having any idea what was going on. I was jumping around up on the couch telling the cop to get out, I moved towards him he backed out on the porch. I bounded after him as I did he reached for his quick stick, he got me with the quick stick in the left forearm, and left side of the rib cage. The 8 more cops ran up and tackled me, I was struggling and did not feel or care about pain. I was hand cuffed but still trying to break them. They emptied a whole can of pepper spray in my face while I was held down and there was a knee on my head with a lot of body weight on me. I still managed to move my head. I remember all I could think of was fighting for my life it was like trying to get out of a pit and a bunch of hands with rubber cloves were holding, grabbing, pushing and pulling me down. I was trying to break the cuffs and still struggling the cops hit me with oc spray which was fucked up because I was cuffed, I did not feel it but I tasted it though it tasted like strong peppery Tabasco sauce and a mild chemical taste.

I looked up at my mom and my dog at the door but on the other side a bit of irony crept in the moment. The time slowed down and went still and stopped, everything came back. I stopped struggling 6 cops picked me up and carried me down to a patty wagon cop van. we walked past my sister and her boyfriend as I saw them I started yelling that’s my sister get the fuck away from her. They throw me in the van……………………..

I sat up holy shit what the fuck just happened, I started trying to pull the cuffs apart, the lights went out and we stated to drive. I remember thinking about horror movies and they were taking me to touchier me, then I thought it was a prank and they were going to dump me in manure at a farm. I said stop and it felt like they did. We got to the police satiation, I got out when we go in there, I started struggling again I don’t know why, I thought there was a kilo of coke in my paints. the cops got my paints and I remember looking up on the other side of the glass, and the person who was there, was who became my probation officer, fucked up right. They threw me in a cell and threw in my paints, and one cop asked me what I took, I did not say anything another cop said they emptied a whole can of o.c spray and it did nothing. I sat down fuck, shit, so confused, thoughts were still colliding I thought a big kid from my town was going to come kill everyone, was I in the right safe cell. I thought people were going to rape my sister at the end of the hallway and I could not do anything about it.
You have some fucked up thoughts then I started to realize my arm started to hurt and I told the cops. I think you guys broke my arm they actually called E.M.T and I went to the hospital. The next day my sister bailed me out. I went home and tried to sleep. I took a shower but that spread the oc spray around and made the burn worse, don’t do that.



Some thoughts



There are four layers of random thoughts. The first two are just completely random and often mix with each other; also most the time you don’t even realize your having these thoughts. The next two are random but intertwined with memoirs and thoughts that go along with the day.
Then comes the layer of thoughts about your day, what you did, what you have to do, and time arrangement. After that you have the layer of your priorities and what can be put off, decision making.
Then you have the way you go about your day, your process of connection, and linking actions as we are thinking many of us don’t realize were thinking on this layer. Finally your sub conscious, then your base life controls, your breathing, heartbeat and systems.
I theorize that there is 7 to 11 layers of the mind and one to three are sub conscious. The fact is the mind is always growing and a healthy mind always has the ability to grow more. With the more experience the more connections can be formed and more learning can come from this. When we just drift off into thought, random memories come up in thought; I believe this might be due to not understanding the memory. When L.S.D is thrown into the mix it brings all you thoughts to light so your forest to see them and confuses the ability to make correct connection between reality, imaginary thoughts, and random thoughts and perception. You can only bug out if you think you can bug out, you must realize you can’t bug out. My brother put it best when he said YOU CONTROL THE DOOR JEFF THE DOOR DOSE NOT CONTROL YOU. You control the trip, where you go what you think about, if it’s a bad thought don’t think about it dumb ass, push it away and move on. The bad thoughts get worse and more intense. sometimes for the few that have more experiences its fun. Everyone goes through the door how you go through the door is up to you.

What do you do if you think your bugging; first don’t ever tell anyone; second remember your tripping and that’s part of the show and you cannot bug out. Here is an interesting thought, our mind is like our own little planet inside your head, all you thoughts are people, big changes are represented by land masses and countries and all your random thoughts are water. So everyone can evolve and you have to learn control of your planet.
Furthermore are we all someone’s thoughts on a planet in someone’s mind, maybe we must learn how to discover the mind more and learn how to make connections to other minds.
This is kind of the same as we discover space and make connections with other planets. We have to move forward and keep evolving. This is a interesting perspective of a thought, mixing races breaks down the evolutionary process of any one race, now I know this may sound racist but it’s not, because all races have unique and beautiful feathers and every group of peoples are on a evolutionary path. so why can’t we be proud of who we are, how we think and learning from your peoples past only benefits the further. So why can’t we all work together we’re all in this together. Why must we be wasting time fighting about who made who and who made up shit? We all need to survive to evolve and evolve to survive. You know that celebrate diversity campaign, ya that seems to me that there pushing race mixing which breaks down evolution and eventually will wipe out one given race of people, which means we won’t have that kind of thinking from that group of people or anymore of their contributions to the world. Beautiful art, and knowledge. All that has come from all peoples of the world, so shouldn’t all people be preserved and respected and valued. The funny thing about the whole celebrant diversity thing is if everyone mixes there will be no more diversity. So in essence if you’re promoting or pushing mixing races, you’re supporting systematic genocide so keep that in mind at all times.


















WE’RE PUSHING THROUGH



The weekend before I started my first semester of collage was one hell of a weekend. We started off just as we do any other weekend, wondering what to do. I went over one of my friends houses with me and myself in tow, his name was Larry. Me and larry put our heads together and decided we wanted to drop out and go on a trip, seeing how it was my last weekend home for a while. but the fucking kid did not want to drop at his house, he always made things difficult. I decided to call one of my uncles that had a cabin up in Vermont, way up in the mountains. I called my dad that lived with him and asked him to ask, he refused and said he would say no, keep in mind I said nothing about tripping. I had more faith then to let it go at that so when my uncle got home I called him directly and asked in the best most responsible way possible. Stating I would not turn the propane on and clean up when we left. This is a completely propane run cabin, propane lights, stove, even propane fridge, which we have never heard of before I started going up there with my dad when I was 14. We asked, he said well let me ponder over this for an hour, you have given me a lot to think about and this is your last weekend with your friend for you, then your off to school. I understand that it would be nice to go up to the cabin so just let me ponder over this and ill ponder over this and call you back in an hour. That was that we thought it is very prequel for I, nor my boy had ever heard someone use ponder in such correct context. All we could do for now is to wait and hope it be a yes.
Now for the waiting game smoke weed and hurry up and wait that’s what we did and we did it well. I was shore it would be a yes so I went and got some things packed and got some money from my mom. I came back to my boys house and of course he’s a negative little bitch so he did not pack shit thinking it would be a no. however within ten minutes after I walked in his door my uncle called and said yes we could go up to the cabin, not only that but there is keys already up there so we did not have to stop by the house, which cut about two extra hours out of our travel time. I knew it, I always do I proclaimed and said “I told you so”.
This fucking kid he’s going so slow he’s devolving, he packed his shit, got his high powered air rifle and a bunch of different kinds of knives, an axe and two different kinds of machetes. We filled a cooler with some meat, he grabbed some weed and the ten strip of some great acid, sold me some weed (fucking jew) and an hour or so latter we finally got the road on the show.
This was going to be a pre-game trip to get up to the cabin fill of fun, jokes, and the inevitable test, there always a fucking test. About five hour into the drive I was stoned as a hippies shit, and we pulled off to get the last of the supplies, a 20 pack of water and a 20 case of Budweiser beer, you know only the essentials. We hit the road again and I knew we’re talking and my boy says ah you’re not going to bug out on me are you I laughed and said no, then I asked him why would you ask me that now as we are driving, what a bitch. I knew it was coming and shore enough a few exits down FIVE O. we past him I kind of swerved and he pulled out hit the blues and I smiled pulled over and got the lovely adrenaline rush, turned and said don’t worry about it I got this. Officer= evening license and registration.
Me = I took out my wallet from the side door and as I was looking through it I noticed my pipe on my lap, and quickly but subtlety moved my wallet over it, somehow he did not see it or he did, and he did not care. I gave him my
License and said I don’t have my registration then remembered its in my truck. I told him that and even more, I remembered there was a bunch of shit that was in my truck and I would not be able to get to it and I asked him to just look it up it is valid, he did not like that and kind of started to fuck with me the way cops do. He asked well why is it in the truck how was I supposed to get to it. I was not planning on getting pulled over so I didn’t think it be a problem, he defiantly didn’t like that. I said we we’re going up to my cabin to camp and it was all packed he looked in the back seat and said only the essentials guys, the beer and water was on top of everything. Then he asked if I’ve been drinking I informed I don’t drink and I have muscle dystrophy and a speech impediment, and he said sit tight and went and ran my info. After he walked away I threw my pipe in my stash spot but I had a triangle glass jar of weed that I did not know where to put, it went around the car three times before I settled on under my seat. I was looking in the review mirror and the lights started to bring back feelings of when I was bugging out on acid, when the cops beat my ass on the porch of my house. Finally he came back handed me my license and said you have a good night be careful we got bears, moose, deer, and all sorts of critters up their I those woods, I said thanks I will you have a good night. He left got in his car and sped away. I look at my boy and said that was fun, quiet invigorating ant it. He said ya with shakiness in high voice; he was shiting bricks the whole time. I laughed to myself that was fun got to love the rush. We got up to the cabin and had to walk up the long road to get the keys at the cabin, had to go get the keys to unlock the gate. We drove up, smoked a bawl and I went to sleep.( I realize that if I had dropped right when we got up there, when Larry suggested it, the trip would have been much different.)(its up to you to see and understand how it would have been different).
I got up around noon we went out to eat and chilled around the camp; we built a fire, shot the air rifle and smoked some weed. I said we should drop around 6:00 and we lit the fire to cook some food and chilled. That was cool yeah act like were ten awesome then 6:00 rolled around and I said lets drop, funny how he was so quick to turn into a little negative Nancy about it, he said no he didn’t feel like it and maybe in a little bit. I said really why not, he said well you didn’t want to last night, i said that’s because I drove up here which was a seven hour drive and this is why we came up here. That went on back and forth for about an hour, I asked if he’s not going to drop let me drop, but he acted like a bitch. He said nay, man that’s kind of wired if I’m not tripping and you are. then I said well want to go to a bar for a little while he said ya lets do that then I replied oh ya I don’t have an I..D. I can use. Then he had the fucking pussy ass, cunt, bitch nerve to ask if there are any board games or puzzles we can do. I almost knocked his head off, but I played along, I showed him the few pullzes from the 70s that was in the cabin. Then I said this is bull shit we’re not going to sit here and play puzzles NOW LETS DROP SOME FUCKING ACID. He’s real lucky he finally agreed. I love the kid and everything but I probably would of beat the shit out of him if he kept on with his pussy little game.
He said O.K. true and I went to get the ten strip, but he had took it and put it in his pocket. He was like I wasn’t risking you stealing it if I was not going to drop, which is funny because I would of beat his ass harder if it came down to it and then I found that out. I cut the strip we each eat five and went out to the fire. We were saying a few things back and forth for about an hour but mostly drifting off into thought. I started to become aware that this trip was creeping up on us, and I went and turned some music on. I noticed the perception of time slowing and the music took a creepy turn of vibes. I noticed the trees growing into themselves and back out and pink Floyds song one of these days came on and my boy said you want to throw something else on this is kind of creepy, (he had no idea that today was his day.) so I did, I put on some beetles that just seemed to set a happy creepy mood so I turned off the music. The creepiness was clarity of mind; I turned and said I’m tripping balls. After that I notice a wiggle of words and reality and we got real quit again.
Then WAIT FOR IT WAITT FOR IT ANTISAPATIONS BUILDS UP OF NOTHING BOOM. Larry turns to me and says Jeff I think I’m bugging out, I said without thinking, I knew that was coming, then I said no you’re not your fine shut up and silent’s. Then I get the thought he just said that to see what I say and I said you just wanted to see what I say, he said no, I said o ok shut up your fine. I said we’re in the middle of nowhere and you decide to bug out now. Then I said so what do you want me to do what should we do, he said I don’t know talk me through it like the bitch he was. I said ok. well LSD is just a chemical and it causes a reaction, then you piss it out so well just chill here in tell then and we will be fine and that’s what we’re going to do and there’s no other way to do it. More silent’s then I ran up to my car and put more music on, because time had seemed to stop so much we were both feeling the same way. However I choose not to say anything because that just makes things worse.
I put on a momentary lapse of reason the trees were doing there kildascopic dance and things were really starting to melt away. the sense of being a little kid came over me and this was no place for a little kid, you feel ever so small and I knew I had to buck up or shut up so I took charge. Everything you perceive in the child state of mind is bigger and loams over you and pushes you down, so you got to push back up and break on through.( So I did and had to carry him kicking and screaming through the door.) At this point I had to take control without being in control which is a fucked concept. So how does one take control without being in control easy change and mold the thought process of the situation. The song the dogs of war came on and time stopped again and a gloomy feeling arouse like a swamp creature and some “apocalypse now” shit that feeling of a situation, that kind of feeling, but we were in it for the long haul. So as soon as I got up, my traveling buddy asked if I could change the music and I proclaimed I was on my way, he said put in some happy music so I threw in some beetles. We got a sense we were in a horror movie where joyful music was playing as a sadistic mad man was torturing us and twisting our minds apart. So I threw in the doors.
The chill of the night started to set in so I said lets go grab our blankets and shit so we did and the beers. I was walking out the door and stepped back in to get my glow sticks out of my first aid kit. The kit was on the table in front of a candle, it was open and had a big burn hole in it and a small one. I closed it to see what did this. Apparently I opened it on two small candles that were lit, that was when we dropped. That was a few hours ago and the candles burnt the holes, it was karmidic humor because the big hole was right in the middle of the Red Cross. Thank god the candles went out and the whole place didn’t go up. This was like a straight sign to “PAY ATTAINTION” and it worked ever since then I have payed much closer attention. We had a good laugh over that one. That was a warning next time I might not be so lucky. After that I proclaimed no more candles and we both got our safety glow sticks and used them, for their actual intended purpose; safety first, we both found that rather comical. This was a emergency in our minds, but we had safety glow sticks to light up our night and used properly, I might add to ensure or safety.
With glow sticks and blankets in hand we went back to the fire and claimed or post around the pit.
Within a few moments the show resumed trees flickering, growing, forming and reforming, dancing like kilidiscopic fractals, as well as ripples like in a pond only in the sky at the edge of sky and trees. I melted away into the grass then BANG A GUN SHOT from in front of us, then a few seconds latter BANG from behind us. Furthermore I didn’t even have time to collect myself in order to form a thought when BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. A bunch more gun shots rang out holy shit everything just went HAYWIRE!!!!!! The shit has hit the fan, the waters boiling and the hand is in the water. The storms here and all thoughts, senses, feelings, and everything collided “Houston we have a problem” Thiers a pile up on mindfuck highway 117 cars and more are crashing. I don’t know about my buddy but my heart near exploded and was beating like a .50 cal pumping of rounds so his must have been like a nuke that kept going off. That just kicked the intensity up about 11,000 volts, why because were tripping. We both jumped up grabbed our glow sticks and flashlights and ran in the cabin. Alright tripping or not those were gun shots and there’s a bear hunter behind us and we don’t have a gun. Then I went to look for my phone, shit not in my pocket. Dudes bugging out so he’s like oh shit where’s your phone, you lost your phone, where you lose it (well if I knew that it wouldn’t be lost dumb ass)whatever shell we do where’s your phone, WHICH MAKES SHIT SO MUCH BETTER YEAH LETS ASK TWENTY QUESTIONS AT A TIME LIKE THIS GOOD IDEA.
I’m already jacked with hard pumping adrenaline as it is let’s throw some more pressure on the situation. I looked around I notices my brain on the table he looked up at me and said your fucked man your done, damn, there fucked. I looked over at my mind he was scearming like the kid in home alone melting away into soup and said I AM THE DEVIL and there all going to laugh at you ha ha their all going to laugh at you, this is a great show you’ll have to explain why your mad even if you’re not mad. Then my brain was like you can stay but I’m leaving. I’m running around like a chicken with his head cut off and my friend is right on my ass like an intrigued scared puppy. Furthermore every time I turn around the reason I’m bugging out in the first place is right there looking dumb founded and lost, great get the fuck out of my way. So as I’m running around lets recap I’m bugging out my adrenalins jack, heart pumping out tank rounds now, blood pressure is enough to break the Hoover dam and my pulse is echoing through the forest. Left, right, up, down, tree, tree, wall, fall, floor, wall, wall, Jeff there’s a fucking wall, it’s a small door I’m to big and I can’t disarm this bomb and there’s only 7 seconds left 3,2,1, boom. “Look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn” I had to pull this slaughter house of clowns and jokers together. so I can’t find my phone oh well stop looking, you can never find anything you’re looking for when your tripping never mind bugging out. So I said we will drive to a neighbor’s house to make sure he killed whatever he was shooting at. Yeah great idea go to someone’s house at midnight tripping balls, bugging out let’s just go give ourselves frontal lobotomies with an ice pick and try to drive after it don’t work their SMOOTH GUY!!!! Yeah lets do that so we jumped in the car, we are driving on a wooded road well tripping, bugging out that’s FACE THE RIDE 3D. Amusement parks aint got shit on FACE the ride 3D. My trip kind of went away when I got in the car.
We bombed down the road (the trip all came back at once like a shotgun blast out the back of my skill) to the gate around the corners and turns like a race track for 4x4. We were in a ford focuses and I was not in focuses, I have no idea how we did not hit any trees. Here we go we bombed out through the gate like batmen speeding out of his cave and turned onto the road. We made it a little way down the road and some logic made it through the pile up of confusion. I said what the fuck are we doing, my boy said going to a neighbors to make sure the bears dead I said we have to go back we can’t leave the cabin, he said Jeff I don’t want to go back there please don’t make me go back there( like a bitch, do you get it larry I’m talking to you, you’re a cunt bitch, everyone now knows you’re a bitch. You know who you are.) I said what the hell are you talking about of course we have to go back there if I leave the cabin I’m going to lose the cabin. So I turned around and we went back up, through the gate and up the road, again I don’t know how I did not hit any trees but as we approached the cabin an “evil dead” feeling came over us.
We got out of the car and went in the cabin. The energy started to come back but much calmer and I started to think logically and I said he most likely killed the bear or whatever he was shooting at, those gun shots could have also been entirely in our heads because were tripping. Therefore let’s do what we were going to do in the first place and grab our blankets and go back to the fire. We got it going again and went and grabbed more wood from the wood shed. There was this wood shed off to the side and before whenever I went over there at night I thought or had that “boogie man” gut feeling like something was going to jump out. However this time I walked over there staring the darkness in the face and had truly no fears or worries any more. The shed made me feel like I was in an adventure of “the Hardy boys” and to tell you the truth I was kind of hoping something would pop out so I could smash it down. We filled the wood waging and went back to the fire.
I thought the best way to keep this moving along in a good vibe would be to crack jokes and make fun of the situation to keep the mood good. So I looked around and grabbed this flashlight lamp I brought out during the whole bear fiasco, and said I brought this out for comfort, what was I going to do throw it at the bear, the minds funny how it works. Then we chilled for a little while off in thought. Dude asked if I wanted to smoke a bowl, I had stopped smoking when shit hit the fan and I was drinking a beer. Weed is a intensifier on acid and I did not want him to smoke and propel himself back into bugging out. I said I thought you weren’t smoking this time, here have a beer. Just change the thought process. He had a beer and I avoided another potential mind warp, possibly could have been bad and I did not want to risk it. Then he asks why you drinking so much I thought you didn’t drink. I replied ya but it’s one of those nights that calls for a few beers, little did he know he was half the reason I was bugging out and therefore the reason I was drinking to try to calm down. After that I said what the fuck were our parents thinking, there’s bears in these hills. There so worried about us yet they let us come up here with no gun so what if a bear did wonder in to camp what the fuck are we suppose to do throw a flashlight at it so it can see us better. Then we joked about that for a little while and drifted off into thought. As the time stoped I began to think to myself is it time, can I, should I, fuck it I’m going to and were through the door anyway.
I turned to him and said how the fuck do you think you’re bugging out, he got out defensive like a child and mumbled “I don’t know”. I said don’t get all defensive it’s all good now, it’s funny just think about it. But really how do you think you’re bugging out? Why don’t you just stop thinking that hey there’s a great idear. Then I proceeded to explain shit, you do know you can’t bug out unless you think you can. Only if you are worried that you’re going to bug out you, May then have a state of acute paranoia or in other terms a bug out. That’s the beautiful thing about your mind, it is your mind and you can control it. Then I explained why I think a bug out happens. (one) to show you that everything’s going to be ok one way or another and to stop worrying. (two) karma so make sure she’s on your side. or (thee) realization if no other way. Once you go through it you’re a better man because of it, you got to teach ‘em somehow right.
What I’ve learned is better control with my mind and its kind of a transcendental process.

The time had COME!!!! To get more wood. I arose as did he I grabbed my staff which was a seven foot tree branch I had found last time I was up at my cabin, it was a smooth straight staff no knots or stubs. We walked over to the wood shed. I remember feeling like a wise old man watching over and teaching a young lost soul. I walked over like ganduff from lord of the rings: The grass was parting under my bare feet as I hobbled and followed behind the young sheep. For I am the shaped watching for any threat to my folk. Then I wondered if this was what my dad felt like when I was young and he was teaching me and showing me. Back to the fire he threw logs on and I chilled and drank a beer. We were just shooting the shit, and I was trying to make sense of it all. I threw on the song its been a long time gone and with that it was time to smoke a bowl so we did. This kicked the trip back in and I watched the grass turning to a kildiscopic symphony moving and dancing to the music. I took an interest in that for a little while. Then I noticed the cabin in a new light and I proclaimed the cabin now stood very majestically.

The sun was just starting to come up and the night sky was getting a lighter shade of dark blue. I looked around and laughed, I said what a fucking mess we made; as I thought this is this the outer mess that mimics the inner mess. There were blankets on both sides of the fire, the cooler in the middle, beer bottles were thrown about along with a few different flashlights, the lamp light I brought out to throw at the “bear”, the glow sticks and some wood also littered the grass as well as my staff. He went to use the staff as a fire stick and I said wait and I rose and took it and walked over to a pile of brush and sticks behind the cabin and there laying next to them, in a majestic opening of light on the ground was a very wise looking 7 foot long perfectly cut tree branch. I picked it up with a gleam and twinkle in my eye. I raised it above my head and did a little hop skip jig thing, I felt like I had adjeiviged a new level and this wise man staff was a gift from the gods for advancing in life. I felt like I beat a level in a game and this gift from the gods was a reward. I hobbled happly back over to him and gave him the old staff and he used it as a fire poker. I looked over at him and said what a night, see we made it through (I didn’t mention how he was a bitch for bugging out.) he said yup and we’re better men because of it, “buy the ticket, take the ride”. Then he said jokingly, what the boy has a vivid imagination, you trying to take that from him to, how dare you people, what’s wrong with you. We laughed about that then he said there’s two beers left and handed me one. We sipped on the cold goodness of suds as the sun crept up on to the sky stage and we listen to some Hendrix and smoked another bowl.
We sat and reflected in the beauty of Hendrix followed by the Beatles. He said lets cook some food and we did but I didn’t really eat and I don’t think he did either, and we threw the food in the woods. Funny thing is when I walked behind him to grab some wood I noticed he had hid a beer (the actual last beer) for himself behind the cooler. He thought I wouldn’t realize but he was wrong, I thought what a selfish bitch and I’m going to have some fun with this. I kept an eye for when he went to open that beer and when he did I walked by to get more wood and he heisted and fumbled and went to put the cap on then moved it to put it down then tried to hide it like a little kid that got caught, but was not sure if he got caught but caught himself. I toyed with him and kind of stopped walking and kind of moved back and forth like you do when you walk in to someone and don’t know which way to go, oh oh back fourth up down what am I going to do, (did he see me does he know I selfishly hid the last beer) oh which way am I going then I walked over and sat back down thinking have your fucking beer you selfish bitch you still will never learn. The time had come for me to retire to bed for a few so I could drive home.

I woke after about four hours, he had stayed up and cleaned up. I helped pick up what was left we packed up the car and closed up the cabin. We smoked a bowl. I put the staff in the car and set out as we we’re diving down the road I noticed him looking himself over, like if he was a new person and I thought good hopefully he learned a thing or two and will grow the fuck up. I had a feeling we would have an interaction with the law on the way home. Sure enough a few hours in to the drive we saw lights behind us, I moved over a lane and the cop sped on, on your way officer and I said theirs that feeling as he packed another bowl. See I had to smoke about nine bowls on the way home in order to stay awake well driving and he let me smoke his weed so I didn’t have to waste mine this was a very nice and unselfish act I must point out. We got to his house, I helped him unload the car and peaced out, I went home and past out real quick. What a fucking trip.





Act Accordingly
Look at these cosmic colors; cycles into squares here is another thought in pairs.
There is a direction of thought process, and manipulation going on in the media. Movies have gotten more intense, news is mostly about bringing attention to something that does not really matter in the long run, they seem to be diverting attention from what’s really important. Music is good, some music talks about what is really going on, but they do it in a sly and metaphoric way. Shity music and shity rap talks about shit that does not really matter. What does everything got in common and it’s covered in red all over. Domination of perception and direction of focus that’s what everything has in common. This is to say that fighting, confrontations, and war is the focus of our time. One way or another everything seems to be getting more intense. Which in turn is desensitizing peope so they have to make shit more intense?
Let’s talk about movies with action, they have started to make more and more movies that are not even realistic to the point where its seems the movies may be trying to get people to think some stuffs realistic; they have started making movies that just fuck with people’s heads. See when people get a thought it makes connections with any similar thoughts, memories, or interactions. So movies fuck with you on a base level that can infiltrate on a mental level and inserts a thought, and can cause further wonder of another thought enough wonder about a thought, then that thought can cause dreaming about that dream of that thought, and what if one day you never wake up from that dream. Would you know, could you know you are in a dream? But with the direction of thought, what reality would this dream take on. There’s also the fact that most people don’t know their own direction of thought, this direction of thought has been cultivated over time by corporate sensory inputs. I have noticed that movies have become more intense and gone over the top and I believe that it is for a few reasons. First it is to desenseify people, next it cultivates perceptions, then it also plants thoughts that keep money at the top of desired things, well real important things like love, family, morality and intelligentsia is going out the window.
Then I saw the movie inception and I thought that movie is just to fuck with people’s basic understanding of perception of reality. They do it very well in that movie, blending the dream world with the reality of the dream world within the reality of the real world. Its essantionaly the same thing all a perception of the mind and if someone controls your perception then they may control you. “Dreams are real until you wake up” and reality is real until you go to sleep. When you sleep you dream when you are awake you perceive, what if they got switched then would you know they switched, not likely.


Lets start at the beginning, the bible is full of wrath, violence and war, and hunger, then the great destroyer taken care of business then saving people and so on. Then a big war at the end and good wins after the unworthy people are wiped out in a great judgment. The book states that good wins or who ever really wrote the book and wants to be perceived as good so the underlined message there is you should pick good moral choice over morally wrong choices and behaviors. One way that someone may look at the bible is that, this book is in fact one of the first neurological manuals ever written. The bible outlines how different thoughts interact with each other and these descriptions are given metaphorically. This book in my opinion is essentially a guide to lead one to a revelation and the war is the temptation that conflicts with morality and the fighting with morality and what is right and just. This is an internal war and one must chose morally wise choices to proceed in personnel enlightening growth and evolution.
When we are growing up the bible is one of the first things we learn of
Then skip ahead a few years and we learn about the beginning of this country and the constitution which is very important for our rights in freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and in which we can keep and bear arms among other rights. These are big issues those rights give people the power and can also create thoughts of a fearful natural. Now there’s a base for which laws of restriction can be made, control to be enforced and money to be made, establish dominance, now who ever actually started this country is still in charge and The buck still does not stop in till it gets to them. So now the base knowledge, that being of war, fighting, and struggle of control has been established, in one’s mind at a early age. Then you got everybody armed to the teeth for their first game of king of the hill, let that boil for a while and work on other issues that are confrontations and which creates sides and crowds.
Then on top of that, make all forms of entertainment get more intense which works on a reward mechanism of sorts. This mimics the brains reward system. So if you make certain movies with metaphoric subliminal messages and put them in intense situation then you can theoricly pair them with the reward of the intense feeling and if that happens enough then one may start thinking in that direction. Well what if that subliminal message is of war, it’s like a grain of gun powder falling up a barrel slowly, when its full all you need is a match then bang population control in a war among the population. That’s all war really is, that and another way to make bank on death. I say, has this country has been set up to turn a huge profit and fail, The answer lies with every one of you and believe you, me the only way out of this holy war is to peacefully go through it and not fight, love will overcome. If there is a war coming in this country, remember I could be fucking with all of you but be wise. I have always said hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The way things look they want you to stay unaware or hope for the worst. I think everybody should have a certain right to a gun for right now because of the way things are looking and you should always be able to have one in the house for family protection. But we do not need to carry on with war and one should not and cannot start a war and war only hinders our growth in evolution. I believe our growth in evolution is being hindered right now.
Lets talk about movies again, blood and gore has become more intense and there’s more killing and movies of war and conflict and this has hyped up the imagination in a direction of violence. So in time people who are unaware of this process becomes easily prone to act in an aggressive way. Then we go to look on to look into desensitization, this breaks down the sense of danger sense and response, so that more and more horrible things can happen and it won’t seem that bad. Then what is the match for the powder keg, a full failure of the economic system and confiscation of arms, when the economy goes the confiscation of arms will be
Implemented. This cannot be allowed but a war cannot be started over this because many will die, we will destroy ourselves, and that’s what they want to happen anyway. Everyone should be prepared to take care of themselves and family, to grow their own food and be self sufficient because money will of course be worthless if anything is set up to happen.
now let’s look at how and why I believe this country was set up to fail and make a profit anyway it could. By any means necessary to squeeze any sort of psychological dignity out of the population, so they become weak and self loathing fools that can’t understand what’s going on right in front of their eyes. There is a few reasons, this is one of my thoughts of how this country is set up for profit. Look around we are the fattest laziest country in the world because we can be and everything is taxed. All things are advertised, then you feel you need this stuff because all these famous people have it, and entertainers glammioruses it so you thing you need it. But the funny thing is your paying to wear it but the famous people are being paid to wear it. All that income is being taxed so the buck is going to where it stops one way or another. Then we have banks which make money on the interest of loans and investments. But who owns the banks, well whoever produces the money which is the Federal Reserve and the owners of that make money off of money, however it is not so much about money as it is about control. But why don’t states own their own banks so they can make their own money off of interest then the money can go into the state, Good question ask yourselves?
Then we must look at how this country could be set up to sell everything including your soul. Fear is everything, and everything is about fear that is the biggest seller, Fear of not being cool, fear of not being in the in crowd, fear of not knowing what to do or how to do it, fear of not having what others have, the fear of your own tail your chasing. What do we do with this fear and to control this fear, why of course we compensate with something that gives us a good feeling. We buy things that present the illusions of fulfillment and we work to feel a sense of satisfaction. We get paid just enough to not complain too much. But we must buy this or that so the money is just going back to where it came from but each time it goes around it brings more money back with it. This is all happening well you are all in sensory sedation. Then we must look at how this country could be set up for war. The first thing is the 2nd amendment, the right to bear arms. This is necessary to ensure the freedom of the people, but what if the people that started this country put that in place so that the future of that control could take the right and use it in order to divide people. Then when the economy collapses they can take away that right and in turn take away the last thread of control the people have and this could start a chain reaction that starts a war which is population control.
Well that’s a crazy thought so crazy that it just might be true, or not I’m just someone who ate a bunch of acid. All I know is that the whole war and fight thing we got going on does not work anymore and it must stop. If war continues the whole human race is doomed. We can find another way, as for population control well I’m sure natural disasters will take care of that, it’s sad but true. Love must overcome in order to evolve our species further.
One thing I propose may be going on in this country is that ultimate control is the pursuit of whoever is in control. This is to say that control over reality and perception is a means of restraint. If one controls that then one can control people and everything about them. This is not being done for money, wealthy political gain or anything like that. This is being done for plain and simple control. Also what if an advance life forum from another world that was plain evil had taken control or taken over the real groups of controlling parties that run this world. Have you ever had a situation that made way for another thought and you indulge in that thought and wanted to see how far you could take that thought. That may be what is going on here in this country. However we the people cannot and must not have a war for that is what they want, they want us to destroy our selves and each other.
The way out of this blur of reality within perception that is taken place, is through, all this direction of thought and cultivation is blurring the line between your own thoughts and implanted thoughts that arose from something you saw in a movie or on television. After awhile these thoughts and memories of entertainment start to effect base behavior actions. Direction of thoughts towards a situation can become affected as well. This could be the first step then people get so addicted to electronic entertainment and they become so intertwined and desensitized that reality can flip or be flipped. so you perceive dreams as reality and reality as dreams. You could simply wake up in a new dream and world and have all the memories of life in that world but in reality you are on a slab hooked up to a machine.
I think that the people who started this country may be the same people who were behind Hitler and that whole holocaust thing. Both whites and Jews were killed in large numbers, they both endured large numbers of deaths and lots of families and bloodlines were destroyed. This I think was because white Europeans and Jews could be the only races advanced intellectually enough to figure out what was really going on. This also served a purpose such as to instill hate between white Europeans and Jews. Which keeps them ready to destroy each other, this is wrong if you are a person of hate then they have already won, they control you. Love is the only way to salvation.
Another possibility is that the people behind the control of these controls are not people of this earth but a evil higher intelligent, a alien and there species wishes to over threw the world for their own reasons, if I was trying to carry out something like this to overthrew a world this is how I would do it.