I swallowed a blotter recently and I had a notebook near me and tried to write my feelings in case I forgot or to save any insights but it was not so effective. I scribbled some things but when the effects started to get on me I started feeling superconscious of everything I did. I found myself questioning everything, and it all appeared so meaningless. I thought and actually felt that EVERYTHING we did was so meaningless! how arrogant I am! thinking I make a difference in the universe! (this later turned 180º...)
I'm absolutely astonished as to how on LSD one actually can FEEL these things! I started to think about the concept of infinity and it was so weird! I had never seen anything infinite. I couldn't search for infiniteness and be like oh yes there it is. The universe is supposedly infinite but I just can't SEE it. I can't grasp it or "touch" it, it just doesn't come through my senses. I just read about it and imagine it in my head. But in this state I started to get my head around it...
I remembered what I read about J. W. Dunne's infinite regress of consciousness on Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson. From this, "strange loops" emerge. It's something like this:
I am conscious of myself. But for "me" to pass this judgment there must be another "me" conscious of the first "me" being counscious of himself. But to even say this then there's other "me" as well..... this is the loop, and it goes to infinite
So now I was conscious that I'm infinitely conscious! and it was like this infinite MEs started interacting with each other! that it's not so weird at all if you consider that we are like this must of the time, we just don't get so philosophical about it. I mean we have several facets, or faces or masks that we put on in different situations. You behave differently when you are alone with your girlfriend and when you are alone with your male friends, don't you?
In the midst of all this reflections I started getting lost in my thoughts. If I just stood there thinking about anything I would go through this loop and "get lost" in the infinite regress. It's hard to explain but it was as if I was thinking about this and I would "go" through the loop and get lost in the infinity of it. "I" meaning my consciousness/self/whatever. My whole conscious energy absorbed and lost in the loop.
But then again I didn't. I was there in my house after all! But the process started again. And this went on and on and on and on... So if I go through these loops then how am I able to recall anything? something must stay! what is that "something"? When I asked this a little voice said: it's you!
I felt like this "something", which I perceived as a little white dot, was "me" and it somehow transcended the loops and survived. So then I concluded that EVERY THING consisted basically of loops BUT that something stays and this something is consciousness. Consciousness supports all in this way. Then I started wondering how this consciousness is able to recall all this!
Memory then was the biggest mystery. How am I able to remember anything? I must keep it "somewhere" so it doesn't get lost or erased or something. Where is this kept? Inside my brain? my brain it's just the relations of this lots of neurons with each other. That's doesn't explain things so well. Then I remembered the gestalt properties of systems, which is that the sum of the parts aren't the whole, there's something else "emerging" from the relations. So 1 + 1 = 3 after all
This of course didn't solve anything, gestalt or "emerging properties" it's just words scientist make to refer to the order that emerges from the apparently ever increasingly entropic system that is our chaotic universe. (according to their theories)
But anyway I didn't solve the mystery
But it was fun to think about this concepts with so much lucidity. I had read trip reports on LSD but I never imagined everything was so clear! I expected everything to be dreamy but it wasn't, I was fully aware of it all, in fact, perhaps "more" aware...
So what I ended writing was "everything is a loop, but in every loop something stays."
I liked it because it reminded me of the the double helix, which is in a way loops that don't overlap but continue on... This of course also reminded me of the mythical snake swallowing it's own tail, which it's such a wise metaphor!
I have to say that the loops actually manifested physically in waves... I didn't see "things breathing", EVERYTHING breathed! and it was so intense! this was the most astonishing experience for me because it was so powerful that I actually felt the waves or breathing through my body, it was like a rush that send shivers all over me and I didn't do it, at least not consciously because I forgot about it, minding my own business and then it came again and made me tremble all over. Sometimes my teeth trembled as well. I remember even trying to "tune" to the waves and it made them more intense, when the wave came everything glowed and expanded and I felt this very powerful life force or energy in me! it was very cool but at the same time very freaky and of course after a while I started going the path of questioning if this would end sometime. I didn't realized this at the moment but know I can compare it to the trips I read when people were like "well yeah this is certainly awesome but it's kinda scary....... when it's going to end?" I felt like that after the peak and it made for not so pleasant sensations but I guess I can post about that later...
I understand now the many implications of not being responsible when using this powerful substances. I enjoyed myself with this reflections but I'm glad I did it alone and being in my house, close to my family, made for some good grounding to "reality."
So... Does anyone also get this loops or at least the shivers????
I'm absolutely astonished as to how on LSD one actually can FEEL these things! I started to think about the concept of infinity and it was so weird! I had never seen anything infinite. I couldn't search for infiniteness and be like oh yes there it is. The universe is supposedly infinite but I just can't SEE it. I can't grasp it or "touch" it, it just doesn't come through my senses. I just read about it and imagine it in my head. But in this state I started to get my head around it...
I remembered what I read about J. W. Dunne's infinite regress of consciousness on Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson. From this, "strange loops" emerge. It's something like this:
I am conscious of myself. But for "me" to pass this judgment there must be another "me" conscious of the first "me" being counscious of himself. But to even say this then there's other "me" as well..... this is the loop, and it goes to infinite
So now I was conscious that I'm infinitely conscious! and it was like this infinite MEs started interacting with each other! that it's not so weird at all if you consider that we are like this must of the time, we just don't get so philosophical about it. I mean we have several facets, or faces or masks that we put on in different situations. You behave differently when you are alone with your girlfriend and when you are alone with your male friends, don't you?
In the midst of all this reflections I started getting lost in my thoughts. If I just stood there thinking about anything I would go through this loop and "get lost" in the infinite regress. It's hard to explain but it was as if I was thinking about this and I would "go" through the loop and get lost in the infinity of it. "I" meaning my consciousness/self/whatever. My whole conscious energy absorbed and lost in the loop.
But then again I didn't. I was there in my house after all! But the process started again. And this went on and on and on and on... So if I go through these loops then how am I able to recall anything? something must stay! what is that "something"? When I asked this a little voice said: it's you!
I felt like this "something", which I perceived as a little white dot, was "me" and it somehow transcended the loops and survived. So then I concluded that EVERY THING consisted basically of loops BUT that something stays and this something is consciousness. Consciousness supports all in this way. Then I started wondering how this consciousness is able to recall all this!
Memory then was the biggest mystery. How am I able to remember anything? I must keep it "somewhere" so it doesn't get lost or erased or something. Where is this kept? Inside my brain? my brain it's just the relations of this lots of neurons with each other. That's doesn't explain things so well. Then I remembered the gestalt properties of systems, which is that the sum of the parts aren't the whole, there's something else "emerging" from the relations. So 1 + 1 = 3 after all
This of course didn't solve anything, gestalt or "emerging properties" it's just words scientist make to refer to the order that emerges from the apparently ever increasingly entropic system that is our chaotic universe. (according to their theories)
But anyway I didn't solve the mystery
But it was fun to think about this concepts with so much lucidity. I had read trip reports on LSD but I never imagined everything was so clear! I expected everything to be dreamy but it wasn't, I was fully aware of it all, in fact, perhaps "more" aware...So what I ended writing was "everything is a loop, but in every loop something stays."
I liked it because it reminded me of the the double helix, which is in a way loops that don't overlap but continue on... This of course also reminded me of the mythical snake swallowing it's own tail, which it's such a wise metaphor!
I have to say that the loops actually manifested physically in waves... I didn't see "things breathing", EVERYTHING breathed! and it was so intense! this was the most astonishing experience for me because it was so powerful that I actually felt the waves or breathing through my body, it was like a rush that send shivers all over me and I didn't do it, at least not consciously because I forgot about it, minding my own business and then it came again and made me tremble all over. Sometimes my teeth trembled as well. I remember even trying to "tune" to the waves and it made them more intense, when the wave came everything glowed and expanded and I felt this very powerful life force or energy in me! it was very cool but at the same time very freaky and of course after a while I started going the path of questioning if this would end sometime. I didn't realized this at the moment but know I can compare it to the trips I read when people were like "well yeah this is certainly awesome but it's kinda scary....... when it's going to end?" I felt like that after the peak and it made for not so pleasant sensations but I guess I can post about that later...
I understand now the many implications of not being responsible when using this powerful substances. I enjoyed myself with this reflections but I'm glad I did it alone and being in my house, close to my family, made for some good grounding to "reality."
So... Does anyone also get this loops or at least the shivers????
