Interpersonal relationships

[????????]

I have kind of chosen this way of doing things for the time being... it applies to my life, specially my career, and the way I go about other people. It's related to how I feel about myself, in the way that I consider the majority of my subjective experience so far to be that of a zombie that has but recently shed the old disguise because it saw the mask in the mirror. But taking off the mask that's been carried for so many years it's complicated, to say the least. I realize I've changed, and I'm as glad as I can be, but this understanding feels unbearable sometimes, shining even on the darkest corners. Something needs to be done. I feel my zombie past as something powerful and something to learn from, but I don't want any more of it. I embrace it and acknowledge it, but in hope of making a change. For the better, if possible.

What I aim for is personal growth, independence and feasible means of sustainability in years to come, which means there should be a serious commitment by my part to enrich my quality of life and to do well in university and learn what I can, what's useful, and grok it. This is paramount since I decided to pursue my desire of studying computer engineering even though I had already more than half of a mechanical engineering degree's necessary courses. Instead of taking the easy way and ditching ME to dedicate all my time to CE oh so responsible me decided to finish both.

In addition to this, I realize how much time and effort is put into relationships with my fellow peers. I know very well they are a source of inspiration and useful information but I think this is acquired very sparsely and with the right friend-friend connection only... which has been a bit elusive for me. After thinking about it, it seems to me that in the end every meaningful understanding, although triggered by the environment, comes from within ultimately, so in this way valuable insights can be triggered by the most unsuspected banalities... since people normally don't think about all these matters, or genuinely don't care, I have decided to look for my own understandings solo, in hope of maximizing them. I could rant about "what's wrong with people" now but it's unnecessary because we know that what really matters is "what's wrong with me"; I have the idea that someone who is at peace with his self can be at peace with anybody, so I want to pursue this path. The thing is I feel I have to (or rather I want to) do this alone.

I don't want to come across like I have turned the back on humanity, I just need some space. Most everyday conversations (outside academic environment) to me are meaningless and I already pay little attention to them so ending the last bit of focus won't do me any more harm.
I also know that this desires are very egoistic but most of what we do is very egoistic anyway if you think about it so why the disguise? I say it as it is, I've decided to embrace this part of me fully and my acquaintances can do as they please. Hopefully if I'm successful I may be able to help them do it to, later. This is the hard part, because how can I explain all these things thoroughly to someone in a coherent way? I can barely do it here through this medium and I have to write a frickin essay. This is my problem with interpersonal relationships. I don't know how to share how I feel and honestly, don't feel compelled to try either. I feel I have come to a terms of sorts with my self but this also makes me painfully aware of people who are not. You may be getting an antisocial vibe here, I won't deny it. But as I say I just think I need some space, to explore fully my mindful being in light of a big universal goal, to dedicate my efforts to what really matters and improve myself through self-imposed discipline.

My problem is that all this causes me grief with others because I end up ostracizing myself. This is what irks me, I really don't know how to get around it. If the aim of attaining independence and sustainability weren't there then I guess I would just go live in the amazon rainforest. I end up pushing people away indirectly, in a childish passive-aggressive sort of way that I don't like at all, I wish it to stop but I don't know better... it's really bothersome. I don't like making up excuses and I specially don't like when I'm in a situation whose only apparent solution is telling lies. It's such a drag.

 

[GOD]

Welcome to the world of adults . You are doing OK , keep going . Your not anti social what you are going through is natural . You will get used to it and you will find ways to deal with what you now think are problems . Just stay honest and loving and you will get through it . You just found out that the most people are sheep and stay on the same level all their lives and never grow up . Now you have to learn how a sheep dog / adult survives surounded by sheep / children . It can be lonely but the key is the word children . I dont mean treat other people like children , i mean see the difference between other people and you and acept it . When one is young one can talk to everyone about everything . As you become an adult you realise that you can talk to diferent people about diferent subjects , unfortunately mostly only to a certain level , but not about everything to your level about everythingh . Thats the biggest problem in my life , its fucking lonely . The mental / intelectual satisfaction that i`m looking for i cant find in one person . I have to duel with a whole fucking forum and still dont feel inspired .

I wish you sucess with your like and with your education .

 

[spice]

Hello Phillipos,
It all comes back to values, ethics, whatever you'd want to call it.

When one drops the 'mask', or the 'old' persona, then one had better be prepared with a 'new' persona, so that the feeling of being suspended in between the two realities doesn't become overpowering.

It is extremely important to cultivate interpersonal relationships with people who share your vision, and your values. It is just as important to steer away from those who do not....and this is an oftentimes overlooked point.

We as humans only have a finite amount of time to do all the things we want/ need to do....it becomes more important as we age not to waste time spinning our wheels.

I guess what I am trying to say is that one must know what one wants, and then be relentless about getting it.

When you say you are for 'personal growth', this implies that you'd like to keep going in the direction you're already going.....sometimes growth proceeds in fits and starts, and isn't smooth and linear. Sometimes the help of others is required, sometimes not.

When you say 'independence'.....from what?


By 'sustainability' do you mean 'self-sufficiency'?


Someone who is at peace with himself can be at peace with anybody, true....
but there are limitations on that statement.

....and there are limits to the potential of passivity as a tool in life.


Sometimes you will just have to take things by the scruff of the neck and DO it.

You will never be able to completely balance personal relationships with a life of achievement. One must take precedence at all times. Juggling the two is hard work.

 

[Carebear]

Respect my good man!
I think most people know how you feel, i know i do.

 

[????????]

Hi, spice, long time no see. Thank you all for your words.

edit: oh by independence, yes, I mean economical; independence from my parents. To not be in a position where I have to rely on others.

 

[Guest]

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[st.bot.32]

As to the first part of that, I understand very much. When I went to university I moved a long ways away from home, remained as independent as I could. It was the best thing I ever did. Suddenly I realized I was starting to think for myself for a change in ways I never had before. also...

I value my friendships and relationships greatly, they are definitely an essential part of my well-being, but I am also a pretty independent person.

I need time alone. Every day if possible. I need social time too but really maybe only a few times a week. I need time to think, focus, meditate, relax, contemplate, learn new things, work on my own creative endeavors, read literature or absorb some art, trip out, hell even jerk off, whatever. I find it really interesting how many people I know just can't stand to be alone. If they aren't out doing something social every day they go kind of bonkers.

And I'm not really sure what that means. If you can't stand to be alone with yourself, that might be a sign something is really missing within. (On the subject a lot of psychedelic users can't even understand how immense and deep you can get into a trip if you trip alone, instead of socially)

Also I agree with spice, it is absolutely vital to find people you can talk to about things that actually matter to you. But I would put a huge caveat on that (IMO anyway). I find it really grounding to just hang out with average people and people with even drastically different viewpoints from my own. It enables a bit of empathy and understanding for what people are feeling in general and prevents me from getting too self-absorbed. It also teaches a bit of self-control..

 

[????????]

I try to have that caveat in mind, thank you

getting too self-absorbed.

Oh I've been there. Like a tornado can't spin without moving we too can't stay thinking about sameness, we would collapse. A dangerously over efficient feedback that loops itself out of control.