I'm not sure..

[IJesusChrist]

Well summer is finally here and I am not as excited as I thought I was. I feel like I'm a bit depressed and I'm not sure why...

I just got done with my first year of school and did OK. I still would like to keep a 4.0 but I think that is just a dream, I'm quite apathetic at this age. I'm trying however to figure out why the fuck I am not experiencing the happiness I should be..

At times I gget a glimpse of the "old" depression I had almost 2 years ago. It's rather a bad experiencing it.

The thing that always gets me through is this: "Guess what, 1 week or 2 weeks from now you're going to say 'man I feel fucking awesome'"

It could be that I am bipolar, on a more weekly/monthly time scale than I previously thought.


I'm going to get some rest and ponder what I should be thinking in the morning. . . I did have 1 new thought though (which was a break through while experiencing this down time) and it was "I really have to fix this" and it wasn't so much that I said it, more of the feeling that it was possible to fix.

Interesting. Night forum, guys. (girls?)_

 

[Annihilation]

this sounds quite similar to how i feel usually.

i feel just mediocore compared to other people and i guess when i think about it it gets me depressed.

i find it hard to find things to keep my mind off things, i like reading alot that usually helps get my head out of the gutter but lately havent found much to read

i have like 3 weeks left of school and im going to graduate and i feel no happiness in this like i would if i finished school the last few years

 

[Jamapricotica]

This post has been edited by me, Jamapricotica, for the simple reason that I am attempting to cleanup and/or improve my presence on this forum.

Sorry for any inconveniences this may cause.

 

[IJesusChrist]

man the forum is getting weirder and weirder on my browser..

But yeah, last night was fucking insane. I felt like I was on something, my thoughts were going as fast as a mushroom trip and kept spiraling out of control. I felt like it was the last night I Was going to live, like I wasn't going to finish anything...

I kept realizing there was no reason to think that way, but I couldn't stop it...

I wish I knew more. (I'm fine today though... back to 'normal')

 

[Space-is-the-Place]

I wish I knew more. (I'm fine today though... back to 'normal')

Well good to read you're back to "normal" (whatever that means)
Good luck with the depression.
It can be pretty tough to get out of some thought spirals, for sure.

:heart: & peace man!

 

[Forkbender]

i feel just mediocore compared to other people

How do you know?

 

[IJesusChrist]

i feel just mediocore compared to other people

How do you know?

thats one of the fools of depression, you THINK you're feeling sadder, and then you DO feel sadder.

 

[JamBar]

Sounds like you need some hobbies to keep yourself busy. Don't give yourself enough time to sit around on a forum thinking about how depressed you are.

How old are you? Depression is a common thing for the younger mind. I experienced that shit when I was in my later teenage years. You'll probably grow out of it.

 

[Mr.Smith]

maybe its cognitive dissonance brought about through telling lies.

bluffing your way through life can be very taxing. you will learn this as you start to mature (i hope, some people never do). dont stress though, although most people have started to realise this by your age, there is still time

 

[mysticwarrior]

IJesusChrist, recently i read many posts where you mentioned that your view on everything where changing. Where all changing perspective on life from time to time, but ones this happening you need to find new perspectives that do fulfill your desires. Especially if you resist the fact that your are changing and are holding yourself to your old believes/perspective, it can feel like life sucks!

So go out, and find new things to fulfill your desires!