Happiness is uncontrollable...

[tryptonaut]

... I just experienced it today - happiness is just a state of mind, but how to achieve that state of mind continuously is still out of my control.

I have been really depressed for the last few months. I have been conscious about it, tried to fight it, but it was just there. My whole situation, my whole life seemed to be a misery - even I knew that it wasn't. All the positive experiences and all the psychonautic knowledge I had gained couldn't totally keep me from thinking dark thoughts about ending my life because it was so dark and pointless. I would never do that because I know better, but knowing is not feeling...

Then today I woke up with lots of energy and happiness - nothing had changed in my life (which isn't too bad at all, like I said) but suddenly I was optimistic and happy again. I did a lot of tedious things today (like clean my apartment and all the things that you just don't manage to do when you are depressed). I was totally changed today out of nothing. I haven't tripped in three months, no life changing things happened, just out of nowhere the lust for life returned and I enjoyed it.
I really don't know why it happened today, there was nothing different than every day in the last few months - so why? Am I mildly manic depressive? Why can't every day be like today? I mean I am not totally enthusiastic or something or manic - I am just positively optimistic, looking to the future, being happy to get things done. Why can't every day be like that? I haven't had that in three months - had I not had experience with that feeling I really would have considered shooting myself. Depression is the worst illness of all, it really takes you out just like you are living dead...

 

[zarlack_galactic_explorer]

yes.. depression.. once you have found your way around it, it is nothing. just a negative form which manifests inside your soul, reversing all previous positive effects. I am still treating this depression as the mystery that it is. all i can say is that life is an experience and to experience it in its full light, to have happiness you must release yourself from the prison that your own mind has created, or recreates daily. to break free from the "old" patterns of thought and to evolve mentally and spiritually (considering you believe in the spiritual/ non material realm of our lives) and to free ourselves from "false things and attachments" that can hinder our own development.

Also there is a problem with mind set and physical setting, if your place has bad memories that play with your subconscious, they have to be put to rest with somehow, you will know. the mind is a very delicate piece of unrestricted possibilities, you will feel the lows and the highs of life naturally, so maybe some sort of depression is absolutely necasarry for your own prosperity but to keep feeling it means that there are unresolved issues. maybe there are some things you havent faced, maybe it is yourself, and until you are at peace you will suffer unnecasserily.

it is easier said than done on my behalf, but i have experienced crazy mind state times where i was doing myself no good, not an easy thing to break out of that habit, but not that hard. To conclude this post, i should say that we are the observers of our "own" world. however you want to make your mind develop, intend towards that way and put in action. Always it is the simple things in life that bring us happiness. to make another person happy/warm makes me feel happy, just doing good and thinking / being good in the spiritual sense will help you reap the benefits. dont dwell in your previous depresed state, we must endure all things before the best are to arrive for us.

fight your way around it, dont let it degrade away at you, which is what it will try to do. I think there are also negative energies that you have to defend yourself against, and try to strengthen your will and willpower by making decisions and by writing them down and remembering/keeping them.
everyone has the ability to elevate and heighten their feelings.
you have the tools, it is just learning how to use and control them for your "real" benefit and gain.

Happiness is like a farmer sowing the seed and naturally enriching it with good food and then reaping the ultimate benefits and then having a never ending harvest of good things.

things get worse before they get better good friend,
take ye olde armour and defend against thee dragon

peace

 

[silv]

I usually suffer from quite bad mood swings now and then, but thanks to one quite dramatic experience I've been put on a path to learn how to deal with it. For me the key is acceptance. Whenever I have a depression going I just try to fully accept it and feel it. I let it roam freely, even the thoughts of how I would kill myself. The trick is however to feel it to the max but also to accept yourself being sad right now and not giving into it. Through acceptance you will learn to live with it for a while until you can find a strong enough "happy reason" to infuse yourself with positive energy again and go for it again. I hope this helps a lil' else feel free to ask questions, I'll be happy to help as much as I can

 

[Mesaja]

Just wanted to say...
I`ve been reading this forum for like two weeks now,and it`s great.
It helped me get out this particular subject-depression.
I was depressed,not long ago,and now...it`s all gone.Like,i`ve looked inside me,a accepted it.
Life is trully wonderfull,when you see the big picture.And i think i see it now.
But,now it`s time to go deeper.
I need psychadelics.I now they can help me see inside me,
But in my country,they are hard to find,allmost imposible.
They`re legal here,though...
So...can someone send me some?In a letter...I now it`s kindda stupid what i`m asking,but,i got to try....
I smoke lots of weed,but i now haven`t tryed the real thing yet...can someone help...?

 

[BrainEater]

hey!

in my view control is the opposite of happiness... or it kind of is excluded by it... especially the wish to control... or better the clinging to the wish to control happiness...
so clinging to the wish of controlling the good feelings starts a vicious circle known as deppression.... this can lead to exhaustion in mind and body and is not really healthy. i think focussing on love-feelings can cure it. and gently redirrect the flow of thoughts and emotions if it drifts to the wish of taking control of situations... because you can be sure that there can be a possiblity of a desire of control happiness in your mind. just tell yourself you are allright and everything will be allright and try to accept it. when you have reached this state you can start to contemplate and realize why you are trapped in a thought loop.

peace.

 

[Guest]

Good to you're out of the woods for a while Trypto,
I know these periods and they suck.
Good luck bro
:heart: & :idea:

 

[HeartCore]

I have been conscious about it, tried to fight it, but it was just there

Everything you put energy in, grows. Hence, fighting a depression tends to make it worse. Easier said than done of course

I find a lot of recognition in what you write. Isn't it bizarre that we can experience the ultimate journeys where we learn and experience that worries are not real and we are creating our own shit, yet, sometimes completely forgetting that and loosing ourselves again?

hy can't every day be like that? I haven't had that in three months - had I not had experience with that feeling I really would have considered shooting myself.

A year ago when I wrote my big trip report here, I could never have imagined that I would ever feel depressed again, or done with life, or having any form of negative feeling in me. But we are still only human, we live most of the time in this world here and we all know it's not all a pretty picture. Au contrary, the world I see around me seems to far away from what I feel is possible. When I watch the news I can get depressed, often angry because I realize how far away a lot of people still are from waking up.

Still, every morning I wake up energized with a feeling of being here again after a period of darkness or however you want to call it, I realize that I am still on this road and moving forward, like a spiral stairs where you move in circles but still progress to the top slowly, as a friend once shared with me.

Piece!

 

[FrigginJoe]

Uncontrollable would be my gf's grandma's bowels.
Happiness, I think the key to it, and achiveing it is so simple that it's hard to see. Me, I just ...be happy...

 

[Forkbender]

"Happiness is a warm gun."

And yes it is uncontrolable. Stop wanting to control it and you can have it.

 

[random]

"black then white are all i see in my infancy.
red & yellow then came to be, reaching out to me,
lets me see.
as below, so above & beyond, i imagine.
drawn beyond the lines of reason.
push the envelope. watch it bend.

over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
withering my intuition, missing opportunities & i must
feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

black then white are all i see in my infancy.
red and yellow then came to be, reaching out to me,
lets me see there is so much more &
beckons me to look through to these infinite possibilities.
as below, so above and beyond, i imagine.
drawn outside the lines of reason.
push the envelope. watch it bend.

over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind.
feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
reaching out to embrace the random.
reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

i embrace my desire to,
i embrace my desire to,
feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside & weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty,
to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral,
to swing on the spiral,
to swing on the spiral of our divinity & still be a human.

with my feet upon the ground i move myself between the sounds & open wide to suck it in.
i feel it move across my skin.
i'm reaching up & reaching out.
i'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
what ever will bewilder me.
& following our will & wind we may just go where no one's been.
we'll ride the spiral to the end & may just go where no one's been.
spiral out. keep going.
spiral out. keep going.
spiral out. keep going.
spiral out. keep going."

See and feel yourSelf. Don't identify with your ego and/or negative feelings, imagination, illusions, and things like that. Be Here. Feel your now. Negative feelings are all fake and are all reflections/creations of our ego.
It's hard I know, they are faster than our Self and show up on our minds really quick, but you must catch them from the root, and realize they are worthless. They only spend your Precious energy, and Precious Self.

Love

 

[Guest]

wise words and a magnificent song, random! :wink:

 

[????????]

hey Tryptonaut, I can see what you're talking about, I guess...

it's uncontrollable in the sense that one can make arrangements and plans in order to bring this happiness out and experience it... but in reality, at least for me and lots of people as shown here by the posts, you can't really plan this things; sometimes I just get this very happy energy vibe out of nowhere and it feels tremendously good, usually putting a big smile on my face; it could be the product of realizing how lucky I am if I put on my optimist glasses or something very very subtle, like listening to a song I really like and haven't heard for a while... even though if I were to try to do this to bring those feelings it feels like cheating and I can feel it, but very faintly, like staged...

When I can't find my optimist glasses I remember that everything is cycles. And experiencing the end of a spectrum makes more rewarding the experiencing of the other end. Suffering can be underrated. When I feel sad I try to remember I've been happy before and there's no reason I shouldn't be again, it makes me appreciate more the time when I feel happy. Like the 7 cows in that pharaoh's dream that meant 7 good years followed by 7 crappy years, there'll always be good and bad times. I remember reading a quote saying something akin to "enlightenment is perpetual happiness" but... how could one be happy all the time... would someone be happy without experiencing sadness ever?

Since this happy rushes can come without me having to do anything with it, and sometimes the opposite too, I decide that I can't worry about something I can't control :roll:

 

[Psychoid]

If one was constantly happy, then he would not be aware of this happiness...

 

[socraticallikat]

i have learned that i have to accept the very dark points as part of my life and consciousness. they simply are, just as the high, happy points of life are. i believe in myself and i follow my own path and all that comes with it. light and dark are simply part of the path.

 

[mysticwarrior]

http://freespace.virgin.net/sarah.peter ... zyman.html

Read this book/article. It explains a several basics about why it is so important to accept the things just how they are. It's written a little to optimistic, but it explains the basics, which where usable in my life. It's also a sort of trip guide, so read it and give it a try.

I think, another problem for many people is the lack of information. When you born, they teach you how the society works and for the rest, your damned to survive with you psyche in this world. I think schools, who spent so much time on languages, bibles and other boring lessons, need to spent more time learning kiddo's how there own minds and psyche works. So when they grow up, they will be better at handling there own psyche. And don't suffer so much from depression and other psychic disorders.

I also had a lot of depressions, i even where diagnosed with a borderline disorder. Which in fact mean, you have a disorder which you can't heal! I was terrified when i did hear this. But lucky enough, i`m a fighter. So i started reading a lots of information about psychology and after that i started to read a lots of spiritual information.

I think this information gave me the building blocks for repairing my own psyche. It was a hard road, and it still is. But now i know how to handle my own psyche.

Our psyche, is really a strange think. Read about it, experience it, and you will understand.

Greets,
Mysticwarrior.

 

[HeartCore]

I've always found this prayer very powerful:

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."

 

[Dantediv86]

nice one
i prefer the good ol joint...the one that makes you giggle the shit out of you
and makes you realise life's ajoke anyway
so let your worries at home and go out for a run in the country...
make sure you leave the windows open for a change of air or else the feelings you left home will jump right on top of your shoulders again :wink: