Fucked up

[Spidi]

I had a girlfriend for 2 years. I'm 18 and 8 months now. We never had any significant problems, were always completely in love. Three weeks ago, she left on a camp to Serbia. I accompanied here to the station, which is 100km away from my house, and waited with her for the bus, which was one hour late. It was a very hard goodbye and we both cried.

Three days before she would return, I got a message from her, saying that "she felt exhausted and empty" and that "she would like to be alone the day she returned". This was a shock to me because I had missed her very much. I suspected the worst but my optimism took over and I thought she just was tired.

The weekend before her arrival, I went to Pukkelpop and had the best time ever. When she arrived Sunday, I immediately called. I asked if I could come that night and stay for the night, and she said she had to tell me something and that it was possible that I wouldn't want to stay with her. I already knew what happened.

Then she came to my house and she told me she had fallen in love with a Russian guy on that camp, and they had kissed. I was shocked. We cried (alot).

There is a side of me that still loves her but the other side hates her so bad. Cheating on someone is absolutely not done for me, and she knew that. So I think it's better to move on. The last 2 years feel like a complete waste of time and love.
But I think I will eventually end up with her again (and she does too), and the pain I feel is immense, I have never experienced something like it.

What should I do? I'm absolutely clueless and fucked up.

 

[Lion]

i had the same thing, sortwise.
i told her to fuck off and leave me alone. i also thought it was a waste of time and love.
but in the end, i'm kinda glad i had all those experiences with her. i learned a lott, both positive and negative.

you gotta make your own decision now.
but think about this: when you forgive her and still move on with her, she might end up doing those things over and over again.
also; she said she fell in LOVE with another guy. how can she fall in love with someone else when there's already love? and if she's really in love, there's no chance fighting that...

remember: sometimes you must go through the deepest of seas to climb the highest of peaks.

fogive and move on
forgive and be happy together
=> your choice

i have never forgiven and never will. yet i must bear the scar forever.

good luck..

 

[GOD]

I totaly agree with Lion . Forget her shes not worth it .

"Walk like a man , talk like a man ,
walk like a man my son ,
no womans worth crawling on the earth ,
so walk like a man my son ".

 

[st.bot.32]

Talk to friends in the real world about this, if you can, especially people who have been in successful long term relationships.. if that is what you are after.

Is she intending to pursue a relationship with this russian guy still? (Or was it love at first sight, but I got a boyfriend, got to go, goodbye?)

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time..

 

[GOD]

You are young . There are millions of women out there . You have your whole life in front of you . If you let yourself get troden on , used , lied to and cheated thats what will happen to you . To be together with someone it takes respect and respect is earned . How can she respect you if you act like a door mat ? If someone gets away with dishonesty they usualy do it again .

 

[st.bot.32]

sounds like at least she fessed up rather than not telling you and I think that says something.

relationships are about respect, but they aren't about ego stroking either, they also involve a bit of pain and forgiveness because people make mistakes sometimes and people do screw up. how well they treat you says a lot too though. in the end, the choice is yours of course, you don't want to be hurt if she is going to ignore your feelings repeatedly... once again i wouldn't make any real suggestions other than to talk to people in the real world whom you know and trust

 

[VerusDeus]

Well I'm going to go in against everybody... It's fucked, I've been in situations alike, and it hurts like hell.

But... Is she still in love with that russian guy?
Is she ever going to see him again?

If not, why would you tell her to fuck off, that's not unconditional love, that's conditional love. Imagine yourself being in that place, situations can get very tempting, even moreso when your that far away.

Now the question is does she sincerely regret it, if so I think you should try forgiving her.

That's what I'm thinking right now, though on the other hand, as I've said, I've been there too, and I told her to fuck off as well. And she definately fucked-up the trust in your relation by doing such a thing.

As a matter of fact I think most relationships(as in girlfriendboyfriend) aren't really based on unconditional love, take marriage for example, comes with vows. Vows wouldn't be neccesarily if you love each other unconditionally.

I don't think anything of what I just said is going to help(sorry ), but I do feel very sorry for you man!
Peace

 

[Lion]

couldn't give GOD more right then ever on this forum with his first post on this thread.
you're young my man. you need to learn a LOTT. Don't try settling, use your experiences as lessons.
Lessons for when you're ready to settle.

So, if that girl still loves you, and you still love her.. i advise you to be friends.
The people here are right.. you diserve respect, you diserve real love. You worked (hard) for this. And well she kinda ruins it all.
Imagine going through life knowing she cheated on you. Can you handle that? Can you ever trust her again?

I have tons of things to say about this but a lott don't pop up in my head atm.
If you wanna continue to talk.. pm me.

Peace

 

[ProStoner]

a long time ago I also thought that I would eventually end up with this girl also.
but It ate at me for years and nothing happened, a lot changes when u break up.
u should really go out there ( when you are ready for it) and keep your eyes open for a girl that is even better ;P

 

[Spidi]

Thanks a ton all, it's truly helpful to see that much replies that fast.

@st.bot.32: She is not going to see him again. She said that the camp was extremely fun and that there were so much extreme emotions and she couldn't handle it. But I said I thought it was a lame excuse and that if "everytime you experience strong emotions you are going to cheat on someone, good luck". She said I was right. And yes, I will talk to people in real life, but right now I feel I'd only end up crying which wouldn't help me either.

@GOD: Your advice is the advice I would give myself too. But no relation is the same. I mean, I still love her and she still loves me. Not loving someone just doesn't happen so fast. But I cannot ever give my trust back to her; so a relationship will not be possible.

@Lion: "Imagine going through life knowing she cheated on you. Can you handle that? Can you ever trust her again?" Yes, I've thought about this very much. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to handle it, because I despise it. Really, it's like the only thing I hate. That's why it hurts all the more. She KNEW that. She said she felt the same way. This considered, even killing her wouldn't suffise. But on the other hand, I've shared my life with this girl for 2 years. I experienced intense joy, I've grown and learned alot because of her. But when I think back, this all feels poisoned though I know it was great at the time.

@All: I don't know if this was made clear out of my words so I'll tell it explicitely. She told me that she didn't know what to do yet. Her mind is also one big chaos, don't think she's just cold and harsh to me now. She said she has to think and I have to think too, so then we can talk instead of just being emotional now (which is a valid point). But I don't need anymore thinking, I want to get on with my life, however possible.
The problem is she has to think. She is talking to everyone because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't have an explanation for her behaviour either (which is extremely helpful for me indeed..).

For all the help here, I wish you all were my girlfriend!
Take care all, I'll try to too.

 

[GOD]

"I still love her"

I`ve thought that a few times but realy i was in love with having a relationship , or i was blindly infatuated .

A pause , a distance to think and see how you realy feel would probably do you good .

 

[Lion]

only a thin line between love & hate.

you can love friends just the same. or even more

 

[st.bot.32]

"I still love her"

I`ve thought that a few times but realy i was in love with having a relationship , or i was blindly infatuated .

A pause , a distance to think and see how you realy feel would probably do you good .

totally agree

 

[Lion]

infatuated

thanks for the new word in my vocabulary!

 

[GOD]

Adding words i havent seen used on the forum and obscure phrases to my posts is part of the master plan......

 

[Psyolopher]

I've been cheated on a few because of the time in between!
I wonder if its ever worth it to really fall in love!
I feel your pain dude!

 

[magickmumu]

I haver never been cheated, so I don't know how this is.
Therefore I am not the person to give advise.

One part of me is thinking: if she cheat on you once she will do it again.
The other part of me is thinking: It's just a summer romance.

Whatever you do, I wish you luck.

 

[magickpencil]

most of the responses in this thread come across to me as bitter and subtly revengeful
i doubt there'll be any concurrence, but i'll state my opinion

she said she fell in LOVE with another guy. how can she fall in love with someone else when there's already love? and if she's really in love, there's no chance fighting that...

humans by nature have boundless love, boundless hate, boundless sadness, boundless emotion
as such, we're capable of loving / hating / etc. as many individuals as we need to
i don't know about you, but i love my friends
should i get upset at my friend for making a nother friend?, has it cheapened our relationship?
i apply the same logic to my romantic relationship-
love is a positive emotion, so if my partner finds it w a nother individual i am HAPPY for them
this doesn't mean i'm cast to the side like yester-days fad-
the love that i share w my partner is uniquely for her, and vice versa = i've more love to give, but it won't be THIS love

just my take

edit:
i've been "cheated" a few times
it feels awful, yes, when you put that negative mental spin on it
recognize that your gf had the respect to tell you of her foreign affairs!
that should rise above all

 

[st.bot.32]

^
+1

personally, my own feelings here are very much the same as yours.

of course many, many people do feel much more comfortable when monogamy is agreed upon, if that is agreed on and broken then it does become an issue of trust, forgiveness, etc.

 

[Stighar]

I haven't read all of the replies, and read over some, but here is mine.

If you still love each other, and both think you will end up with each other afterall, you probably will. However it will take a while for you to forgive her, it might take a while for her to forgive herself as well.
If you get through this, your relationship will only have gotten stronger.
Keep in mind, people fall in love all the time, you will eventually have feelings for another person, feelings like this come and go, but it's up to you how you handle it, what will you choose.
Has she learned from her mistake, does she know now what she really wants? Can she assure you she won't make the same mistake?

Most importantly, how do you feel about all of this? Apart from your hate and anger towards her, do you feel you want to stay with her?
You already know what you will choose to do, but first you need to heal yourself, and your relationship. Talk, and express how you feel, tell her you hate her for doing what she did, and listen to what she has to say.

Don't take my advice as something you must do, handle in the way that fits you

Good luck