Demahdi a dit:
It is just a heavy transformation. It's black and white becoming grey. Trinity my friend, trinity.
I have this book by alex grey: the mission of art. In this book he writes the story of how and why he got himself the name Grey.
Alex tells us about how on LSD he entered a tunnel of black moving to white. Moving from the extreme negative (depression) to the extreme positive. In the middle we find the grey.
Maybe grey is the balance. As a (neo) taoist i believe in the balance between black and white, male and female dark and light ect.
Taoism is not about good and evil or light against dark. It is about finding the natural balance within yourself.
Now let me tell something about my own feelings. Just like anyone else i experience highs and lows. feeling of happiness, joy and compasion, and also feelings of depression, anger and sadness.
Because of my background and history I have often felt feelings of inferiority. Feelings of not being accepted by society, and feelings of not being good enough.
While on the other hand i sometimes felt like being better then others and feeling superior to others. For me this are two ends of a spectrum. What I needed to learn was to accept myself and to have the courage to be myself without compromising .
When we take the four life positions: i am not OK you,re OK, I am OK you,re not OK, i am not OK you,re not OK, I am OK you,re OK.
I was Always going from I am not OK, you,re OK and I am not OK you,re NOT OK. I had a slightly negative outlook on myself and others.
over the years i have moves more in the direction of I am OK you,re OK. I have learned to let go of these negative thought patterns and to accept myself for who i am.
Last time i took mushrooms i (like Alex grey) had an experience of moving into a tunnel. I was lying on my back in the garden watching the evening sky. When i closed my eyes flowers appeard. i moving into a tunnel of many coloured flowers. Then i saw a form. It looked like a grey sigel with one curved line and one traight line. The curved line was the positive loving happy side of myself. The straight line was the negative depressing side. The straight line turned into a hole in my chest. A hole in my hearth where there wa only feelings of lonelyness depression and inferiority. I knew i was searching for this place, because i encountered it before. I wanted to find it and explore it to understand myself better. But now i found it i did not know what to do. I felt like running away from this feeling. However i decided it was this place i was looking for and i needed to confront it instead of running from it.
What happend next was amazing. This hole in my being was being filled with red flowers. The flowers where just pouring in like a river filling this hole with love. The love of nature and the love of plants. I realized how important my garden is to me. I realized that growing flowers and plants in my garden is very therapautic to me.
It,s my idea, deep down, we all have a hole inside ourselfs. It,s a sort of a existential fear (unease,unrest). This hole is like a open existantial question of how to give meaning and purpose to your life. People try to fill this hole. They fill it with childeren, work,drugs, drink,food, sport, religion, you name it. For me it is being in nature and gardening that gives me peace of mind. Watching my plants grow and watching my flowers bloom just fills me with great joy and happiness.
