buffachino a dit:
Misery, I love you man. That sucks indefinitely, I’m feeling for you!
Well this disassociation and 'depersonalisation' will no doubt increase during a trip because of the ego dissolution and loss of personal identity, yet I seem to find that no matter how shattered my ego becomes in the midst of a trip, it always comes back stronger and more conditioned to 'reality' than ever before. So I would actually recommend this course of action, although during the experience it will all seem all too strange and alien and you will completely forget who you are other than a floating, bodiless entity moving throughout an infinite pool of knowledge and experience. You will emerge with new insights into your difficulties and hopefully the identity of yourself will be more reinforced and focused.
I hope you can get some clarity and insight out of the bad times as well as the good. Good luck dude.
thank you so much for the kind words buff
well, I thought it's worse during the trip. my actual fear is that it will stay. because, these dissociation feelings of the shroom trip wore off after some time, about 2 or 3 weeks and they weren't toooo bad.
but on the next day of an evening, on which many things were consumed in large quantities (weed, wormwood, laughinggas, salvia...), I smoked a really small joint, and after that I almost freaked out because of the depersonalisation and the depression which came with it.. as you may can imagine, I really regret this evening. in the end I think it was that kind of evening, in which other people go out and drink alcohol till they don't know themselves anymore.. it was just some "being away" from the real world. I didn't know that this was the purpose of that evening that time...
I had the luck that I had a an appointment with the homeopath the next day. and it got better every day. of course it could have been a bit the same like after the shrooms (so that it wears off), but I wouldn't want to test that...
BUT, times are changing, my tumor won't grow anymore with a 90% chance (I won't be allowed to smoke anymore, but I'll survive that), I met a wonderful woman, and maybe we will go for a trip next summer, when the time comes and the days get warmer, flowers start to bloom etc.
I also thought that I may get some insight through shrooms, but I didn't dare to take them, which I think was better.
a theory of mine why I got this depersonalisation is because I kind of suppressed my feelings and thoughts about this whole tumor thing. not that I did that consciously. this somehow gave me the feeling that I am dealing with this whole thing good, but well, you get the point.
anyway I was going to open a thread about that sooner or later anyway, no need to post so much offtopic in the cocoa thread =)
edit: thank you very much, cosmik