significationof?!?
Elfe Mécanique
- Inscrit
- 9/12/08
- Messages
- 348
This is subject that is hard to approach and put into words, constantly on the fringe of useless cynism, potentially depression-fuel... My thoughts pacing frantically in their cage again, begging for more to chew on; this is why I write this, because I'm stuck and I need another lead to pursue, or a way to stop thinking. Ah, where to start?
My definition of counter-culture, or rather an example of it
Here I am, writing- here you are, reading- a thread in the Art & Philosophy section of a psychonautic-oriented web forum. We are an heterogenous group, but we share some culture, or rather sub-culture. This sub-culture is generally opposed to the mainstream culture, by its choice of music, readings, beliefs, views of the world, use of illicit drugs... A beautiful example of counter-culture. Counter-culture is a very (post-?)modern phenomena, perhaps fueled by the constant identical crisis of that huge, tiny world we live in... But it is flawed in an odd way; as soon as enough people adhere to the same counter-culture, it becomes a sort of culture. The individuality is lost again, and true counter-culture would be insanity, complete incapacity to relate to the real world... which is just what it romanticizes. Counter-culture does not really exist, but makes one think it's the on
2) Why the fuck did I go into such a description of counter-culture? Because it's a trap I fell in, and that is important to understand my/the whole actual problem
The psychonautic ideal is one of constant self-questioning, constant redefining, constant alienation. I've used psychedelics to think about my mind, thought about them, thought about my thoughts about them, thought about what may influence my thoughts in the whole process, at every step... And the only thing that comes out of it is "because I'm a whiny emo bitch who wants to be insane because that's soooo cool". Ehm, yeah, self-esteem is also an issue, but not today's subject. What I mean is that it leads nowhere. I've had some fun times with drugs, but other than that all the meta-thought only fueled a petit-bourgeois delusion of power, oh how better I am than the common mortal, they do not think, they are not torn apart by their own thoughts. I came in searching for authenticity, and I only learned that I could find none. Except there's no turning back now, I can't do anything concrete without a vague disgust for how futile it is compared to the grandiose nihilism I entertain. I don't see the beauty in an ever-changing, ever-to-be-defined world from which you can't draw a conclusion. It just fucks me up.
"So, what the fuck do you want me to do about it? "Oh, poor kid"... Feeling better now?"
Well, that could very well be it. A sophisticated way of saying "hey, look at me!". I really don't know. I consciously want to break free of it, and typing this I realize that I'm the only thing keeping myself from doing so. Yes, it is all very ridiculous when you consider that most people are facing, you know, real problems... losing a job, having accidents, whatever. In a sick but uncontrollable way, I envy them; if only I really had something to whine about. "Uncontrollable"... I don't know about that. I just feel powerless in that situation, I just really don't see a way out.
I guess at worst I'm wasting a bit of space on an internet server and a bit of time from people who click open this thread only to realise that it really is emo bitch whining, and at best someone will have lived through something similar and give me something to think about, something that might make daily life matter for once. No, I'm not suicidal, just sick and tired. And very whiny. Well at least I still have some sense of humour. [/i]
My definition of counter-culture, or rather an example of it
Here I am, writing- here you are, reading- a thread in the Art & Philosophy section of a psychonautic-oriented web forum. We are an heterogenous group, but we share some culture, or rather sub-culture. This sub-culture is generally opposed to the mainstream culture, by its choice of music, readings, beliefs, views of the world, use of illicit drugs... A beautiful example of counter-culture. Counter-culture is a very (post-?)modern phenomena, perhaps fueled by the constant identical crisis of that huge, tiny world we live in... But it is flawed in an odd way; as soon as enough people adhere to the same counter-culture, it becomes a sort of culture. The individuality is lost again, and true counter-culture would be insanity, complete incapacity to relate to the real world... which is just what it romanticizes. Counter-culture does not really exist, but makes one think it's the on
2) Why the fuck did I go into such a description of counter-culture? Because it's a trap I fell in, and that is important to understand my/the whole actual problem
The psychonautic ideal is one of constant self-questioning, constant redefining, constant alienation. I've used psychedelics to think about my mind, thought about them, thought about my thoughts about them, thought about what may influence my thoughts in the whole process, at every step... And the only thing that comes out of it is "because I'm a whiny emo bitch who wants to be insane because that's soooo cool". Ehm, yeah, self-esteem is also an issue, but not today's subject. What I mean is that it leads nowhere. I've had some fun times with drugs, but other than that all the meta-thought only fueled a petit-bourgeois delusion of power, oh how better I am than the common mortal, they do not think, they are not torn apart by their own thoughts. I came in searching for authenticity, and I only learned that I could find none. Except there's no turning back now, I can't do anything concrete without a vague disgust for how futile it is compared to the grandiose nihilism I entertain. I don't see the beauty in an ever-changing, ever-to-be-defined world from which you can't draw a conclusion. It just fucks me up.
"So, what the fuck do you want me to do about it? "Oh, poor kid"... Feeling better now?"
Well, that could very well be it. A sophisticated way of saying "hey, look at me!". I really don't know. I consciously want to break free of it, and typing this I realize that I'm the only thing keeping myself from doing so. Yes, it is all very ridiculous when you consider that most people are facing, you know, real problems... losing a job, having accidents, whatever. In a sick but uncontrollable way, I envy them; if only I really had something to whine about. "Uncontrollable"... I don't know about that. I just feel powerless in that situation, I just really don't see a way out.
I guess at worst I'm wasting a bit of space on an internet server and a bit of time from people who click open this thread only to realise that it really is emo bitch whining, and at best someone will have lived through something similar and give me something to think about, something that might make daily life matter for once. No, I'm not suicidal, just sick and tired. And very whiny. Well at least I still have some sense of humour. [/i]