Authenticity of thoughts & psychedelic experience

[significationof?!?]

Hey guys, looking for some insight from the "older, more experienced in both psychonautics and life in general" people that make up the majority of these boards. I just hope it doesn't degenerate into a "EVERYTHING is relative!" vs. "there ARE facts!" argument.

I'm pondering a lot these days, can't shut down the thinking for more than a minute in fact, and what occupies most of my thoughts is Authenticity. Is what I am thinking what I am really thinking? How could what I'm thinking not really be what I'm thinking, and why do I get this feeling then? Have I convinced myself of that? Why would I convince myself of that, to fulfill the tormented romantic (as in 19th century French romantic) poet ideal that I have projected on myself? Have I convinced myself that I am really that confused on life when it is much simpler and I know it? Then why can't I convince myself that it is that simple?

It's just a very vicious circle, as you can see. That in very little time started to question not only the """normal""" (no, these 3 sets of quotation marks are not superfluous) state of mind but also the occasionnal psychedelic experience I partake in; is that sense of heightened awareness all fake? Is this my "truer" self? Have I convinced myself that these experiences really help me see clearer, or am I just justifying myself for having fun? AND WHY THE FUCK DO I KEEP PUSHING THE INTERROGATION ONE STEP BACK ALL THE TIME? I don't like it, I don't grow any a better person from it, I don't feel more in touch with anything by doing it, I just can't find motivation for anything because it feels too devoid of meaning! Maybe because I simply can't try to push aside the useless thinking in circles without feeling like I'm BETRAYING my own thoughts.

There you go, you have it all. I don't expect much, in fact. Heh. It's just a bout of teen angst, maybe. But any insight, or maybe even just a trick to break the thinking in circles for long enough to have a look at the whole picture, would be very appreciated. I don't really expect anyone to "solve teenage".

 

[st.bot.32]

doesn't sound like teen angst to me at all.

sounds more like you are asking real questions. i can only share my experiences with you..

you wonder what the authentic you is. i've thought about this a lot as well.

we all constantly surprise ourselves when we are exposed to new things and situations. as for the authentic YOU, after a while you realize IT IS ALL just you. human beings are not simple creatures. we aren't static cut-out characters. as you live, learn new things, grow, you are constantly changing day by day, minute by minute. after a while you learn HOW you are when you are in different situations, emotional states, etc.

it's all about getting to know who you are. it's a lifelong process. i know myself far better than i did when i was 18, i know myself better than i did when i was 25. i know myself better than i did last year.

emotional states can alter your personality every bit as much as any drug. being angry affects your judgment and reason. being drunk affects your judgment and reason. and psychedelics to me give me an alternate look at the world and myself. they heighten some senses and they lessen some other abilities at the same time. they aren't a $5 ticket to easy answers. just a tool on the road, to be used wisely and appropriately. i didn't take them until i was 27, and they answered some questions, and at the same time asked a whole lot more that couldn't be answered easily

lastly, as for becoming a better person, don't rush it. it will happen slowly and inevitably, without you realizing it. these things simply take time. be patient with yourself. don't freak out too much when you make mistakes, just learn from them. keep asking real questions and thinking about things, and you will become a magnificent human being.

and then someday, you'll be able to share your experiences you have learned with someone who needs it too. it's all part of the cycle of life

i'd write more but i'm pretty fatigued today...

 

[Ahuaeynjxs]

And it's a little bit my fault, so I'll fill in with a nice poem. This author seems to fit in many places today, I really like him.

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."

And he answered, saying:

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well that you should.
In the hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

The prophet by Khalil Gibran

 

[st.bot.32]

nice quote.

-edit-

to delete a post, an x should show up next to the [edit] button when you are browsing the forum.. but it only shows up on the last post you have made..

 

[Forkbender]

Exces post deleted.

* You can't stop thinking by thinking. *

Your thoughts are really your thoughts, but you *are not* your thoughts. Who is thinking the thoughts? WHO IS THINKING?

 

[Affirmatory]

How much of it is real?

I don't think it's teen angst, some people will never ask those questions. Psychonaut teen angst maybe. Looks like you are awakening. Asking questions and then asking why you are asking questions, then asking who is asking the question etc... Looking at your mind and thoughts very closely. This is good.

But if you are afraid you are getting lost inside that head of yours, and you need "a trick to break the thinking in circles for long enough to have a look at the whole picture" basically my only tip for you is to let go. Don't stress about getting answers to all of these questions you ask. Try to divert your thoughts into something more obviously important for a while.

 

[significationof?!?]

Thanks a lot people, your answers made me realise that learning myself is a bit like learning music; when I practice music for a while and just can't seem to progress, I do something else for long enough to stop thinking about what I was practicing, and when I come back to it I've improved.
So I took the occasion to try a 5-htp+cannabis combo, worked on recognizing what was occupying my thoughts, and then I just relaxed and went to sleep. The next morning I felt more at ease with the paradox of looking for something that can't be found (just like musical perfection), it's truly fascinating how the mind can "feel" an illogical concept, and also how most of the work of integrating such concepts (or memorizing music, etc.) is done subconsciously. I had thought about this, but never "accepted" it somehow.

 

[Forkbender]

That sounds great!

If you are able to learn to use your subconscious to process information, you will continue to improve yourself without effort. Just make sure you feed your subconscious with something it can work on and that is beneficial to you.

 

[IJesusChrist]

What is happening is you are figuring out who you are. You have let go of just auto-piloting, and are questioning yourself, this is a crucial step into forming who you are.. You havn't lost who you are, or your own authentic thoughts, you're just becoming aware of them.

I had an episode like this - I realized I though alot like my dad and mother, and I didn't quite accept that... I didn't want to be like them. At first it was just me being immature and wanting everything, but then I learned and I feel as if I have had alot of control over myself.

I want you to not ask yourself if what you are thinking is real - but what you want to think about - where you want your head to be. Analyzing yourself (this will drive you insane surely) or analyzing the world around you (what your mind is built for).

I have a sense our brains have evolved too fast and have left significant weaknesses in how well we can analyze everything...

Btw I guess I'm back early

And its interesting how you say you "feel" authentic thoughts - I feel like that too, almost as if my subconcious knows when I'm wrong, even though my concious has no idea why.

The mind is a masterpeice and paradox within itself.

 

[Jamapricotica]

This post has been edited by me, Jamapricotica, for the simple reason that I am attempting to cleanup and/or improve my presence on this forum.

Sorry for any inconveniences this may cause.