Achieving a higher state of conciousness through weed

[Alta]

I started taking psychedelics about 2 years ago, and over the 2 years I've had psilocybin mushrooms 7 times, salvia 4 times, and I've been smoking weed regularly for about 3 years. All of my experiences with the psilocybin and salvia has been very strong, and I've achieved loss of ego on all my encounters with these.
It seems like psychedelics affects me alot more than others, as my friends and such under the influence only seems to be having fun with visuals and slight change of thoughts while I'm there sitting in a different form of conciousnes with "all the answers to the universe" (not literal, just the feeling). But what bothers me is that ever since my last psilocybin trip which was about 6 months ago, it doesnt feel like I ever fully came out of that trip. I'm not going to go into the trip I had itself, and I wouldn't even know how to describe it, but I could do that in a different thread. My thoughts now seem to be alot more like the thoughts i would have while being on psilocybin, and I just feel different in a strange way I can't really explain. But what bothers me, or scares me the most is that every time now when i smoke weed, its a full on psychedelic trip. After my last psilocybin trip i decided to stop smoking for a while, and then started smoking again maybe 2 months after the trip (4 months ago) and I had mild psychedelic effects, but nothing like what im having now. It seems to be getting stronger for each time I smoke, and its not only when i smoke, I still feel weird even a day or two after smoking. I have now decided to quit smoking weed for a while, but I still miss the usual weed high i used to get, which is now completely replaced with psychedelic experiences. I made some notes of when I smoked weed recently, basically reporting the trip for myself. I didn't smoke much AT ALL when i wrote this, hardly anything, a low dose.

-I escape it or hold it back by laughing and trying to make myself think that i dont want to explore it, but when i get concious about me trying to escape it I stop trying
-What i meant by that is that I do escape it or hold it back all the time, always, but i or anyone wont realize that the thing holding you away from it is even there untill its gone, and when its gone there's nothing holding you back from going into the state i can't explain.
-I get there, "there" is something i cant remember or cant relate to in a normal state, and now that im here i realize that its always been like this being here
-Thoughts get deeper and you see/feel like you see the definate meaning in things.
-I dont feel like other people are experiencing it, nor do i feel like anyone close to me has experienced it.
-I now see that I will get thougts about "waking up" while im awake or the idea of my conciounsess going over to a different place and a different understanding,
and there will be no going back if I do go there.
-I asked for this experience, but now that I'm experiencing it I realize that what I asked for is just a tiny fraction of what I actually got.
-I can get the feeling of going beyond myself, feeling of not having a personality and experiencing a conciousness that has nothing to do with the physical surroundings, or the physical world.
-Im having problems relating to who i was before these thoughts and experiences, because they broke everything i previously belived in, but at the same time opened up to new beliefs.
-There is a major change in the way I see reality and the way I think about the idea of being alive or being concious.
-I always get the thought that I dont want to get here and that I want it gone, but I don't see how to get out of it, I have this thought every time. Its not a paniccing
feeling, but its very uncomfortable.
-I keep wanting to say things differently or even think things differently because I feel like I have to express myself in a certain and acceptable way, and it
feels like the truth of the things I want to say gets changed or even dissapears.
-I realize things that i wouldnt in a normal state, I see that this state is all about realizing things.
-I see that I can't understand this that I'm writing in a normal state the way i do now, and I don't know how i would translate it in a way so I could completely understand.
-Everything I say or think about this state in a normal state is wrong, not completely wrong but what I say or think about it is missing something huge that I dont even know if is possible
to put into language.
-I keep ending at the point where I feel myself built up on lies, not direct lies but falsness, but it feels like every human does the same.
-Feels impossbile to just accept this state and float with it, but what I really want is to accept it. I guess whats holding me back from accepting it is fear of
not coming out of it. Another thing that wont let me accept it is that I dont feel like its normal, and I dont feel like its something that happens normally simply by smoking weed.
-I keep trying to tell myself that its bullshit even though I know how definate it is. I don't see how I can even consider it being bullshit.
-Its beyond huge, everything that that has meant something or mattered something to you in the past is twisted, and it matters to you in a different way, which is a scary feeling.
-I now get deeper and i realize that im something in the head sending messages to this body typing words
-The fear of loosing myself or going to a higher state is real and happening now
-Things doesnt matter to you anymore
-Im scared that when i read this in a normal state it will bring me back here, I'm considering deleting it
-It will bring me back, and if it does i dont think i can get out
-I keep hopping out of whatever this is, I guess this is "reality", for periods of 5-10 seconds
-This state has happened to me many times before but every time seems new
-Im loosing the fear of this message putting me back here, I feel like I need more acceptance of this state.
-The difference from a normal state to a state like this is just as big as the difference between an awake state and a dream state, if not even bigger, and
I REALLY have to realize that, it doesnt seem possible or logical AT ALL, but it is. It feels like when im out of this I will go back to "sleep", but really the drug
that got me here will just fade
-I keep "reading this" from another persons view that I know, so that i dont want to get close to this in a normal state, I cant live a life like that.

I'm making this post because I really want to know if anyone else has had/is having these experiences, doesn't have to be through cannabis. Would be really interesting to talk to somebody who's been experiencing this.

 

[SynapticTestical]

My friend, my dear dear friend. I am so glad that you are able to see/know it. I resist it very deeply, yet I seek to grow ever-closer to it. I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame. The only reason I exist outside of it is because my constitution is too weak to fully encapsulate it.

The fear is something I can deeply identify with. But I think (assume) you know as well as I do, if not better, what it is you're dealing with, and why it is more important than possibly anything else you've got going on.We are born in this place with so many walls put up. We learn as children to block so many things, thoughts, ideas, sensations, so natural to us. It is time we free ourselves from these constraints and experience the world as it is. It is time we experience ourselves as we are.

I recommend meditating sober. I hesitate to use the word meditate, because there are so many associations I have with that word. When I was about 14 years old, I would just go outside and sit. I didn't call it anything then. Thoughts did not pass through my mind. I didn't even entirely realize what I was doing then until several days ago. You have a great capacity in you. There is no one right way for everyone to express themselves. There is only self expression. When you go into this space naturally, you will leave your old self behind. There is no room for it here. I believe much like myself you are in a cocoon. I look forward to the day when we both emerge, beautiful butterflies. Do not worry about getting out. Getting out is just as easy as getting in. The goal is to bring everything with you.

I feel like this song is related.

Best of luck pal.

 

[Finarfin]

I think that one thing mushrooms do is desolve bounderies. Bounderies between the self and other, between inside (self) and outside (world). People for example report becoming one with the world or the universe.
People report there ego desolving
(Or as i like to say: ego becoming silent, retreathing into the background)
The ego uses words to put up a boundery between self and other.

In other words mushrooms can open you up. And the more you open up the closer you come to the source or tao or whatever you want to call it.
However this desolving of bounderies and this opening up can be painfull and sometimes scary, that, s why most people tend to search for distraction.

Meditation can be very helpfull when exploring the psychedelic realms.

This is what i think, told as short as possible. Maybe i will write more later and explain a bit more.

 

[Trachel]

Seems like you need a break from going out of your mind. After my last Ayahuasca experience I won't be returning to the jungle (except under some limited conditions), so I've been there with the "enough is enough" mindset.

Take a break and pull it together. You'll recover.

 

[Ruisenior]

delete this please

 

[Ruisenior]

Meditation + Cannabis is the most powerful thing to do. And it's also very dangerous.
Cannabis spontaneously activates the subtle-electric-energetic body, or what is known in western philosophy as ''Kundalini energy''.
When you focus on your breath this energy gets condensed and accumulated somewhere in the stomach area.
This energy is what allows you to achieve higher states of consciousness and travel through the sub-conscious mind (or the chakra system).
Different kinds of knowledge are stored inside the body.
When the nervous system gets activated your brain and your mind starts receiving this powerful information.
But I found this to be shocking and overwhelming.
Once I had to lay down on my bed because my heart was beating so hard that I thought that I was about to go insane.
I got terribly paranoid, I thought somebody was coming to kill me. I've also experienced paranormal things taking place on my house.
You can actually feel when the electricity runs from the spine up to your brain. It is scary, but amazingly powerful.
Without Cannabis, you can also achieve this but it takes some practice.
I've not been able to rise it by myself, but when I focus something inside my body will start vibrating.
Psychedelic drugs like Cannabis, will definitely open you up and make you more sensitive to this higher states of consciousness.
Once you know how it feels it becomes easier to get to that point. I think that's how drugs should be used.
Otherwise, you'll get addicted to it. That joyful feeling you get from drugs can be produced by your own.

 

[Sophia]

I once read on erowid someone had a 1 month long trip on brugmansia, and it seemed to only end when he stopped taking weed.

 

[psychosanta]

weed can elevate you if done properly. i used it with ayahuasca to help prevent puking