A Privilege

[Shamanomenon]

I've skimmed through this forum before joining today and just wanted to say that it's a privilege to make all of your acquaintances. I can't begin to express how long it's taken me to get to this stage in my life and the vast difficulties I have gone through to arrive at this point. I feel like I have traveled the expanse of a barren realm, finally making my way to a small village on the edge of existence, amongst brethren, and preparing for a journey into another world.

My name is Herb. I'm 29. I will give the basic structure of what led me here and a few of my beliefs and goals to introduce myself and my intentions on this forum. I'm very friendly and an open book, so feel free.

I've always been the "gifted underachiever." Whether I'm an underachiever who is gifted or just gifted at being an underachiever is a question I've asked myself many times. I had a very happy childhood. When I was around 13, I started getting on computer BBSes and reading text files about all types of topics that most 13 year olds aren't normally exposed to. Basically, all of the underground fringe stuff relating to politics, religion, conspiracy theories, aliens, drugs, etc... So let's just say that my first existential crisis was about at that time in my life. Around 16, I was bored and angry at the world and got into trouble with the law. That was a rather unpleasant experience and I learned my lesson, spending the next, well, 13 years trying to walk the straight and narrow. My definition of straight and narrow is loosely interpreted as, "trying to find some way to fit into society well enough to survive, not get in trouble, trying to lead some type of normal life and not go absolutely insane." Suffice it to say, it didn't work. I've made one terrible mistake after the next, constantly in and out of bad relationships, couldn't hold a job for very long, no motivation for life or this world at all...

About a year and a half ago I got divorced, lost my job, my car died, I started dating a psycho and I was forced to eventually move in with my dad and deal with the severe dysfunctions of that part of my family. One day, this random idea popped into my head that I should give away everything I own (which wasn't much) and use the last of my money to hike the Appalachian Trail. I'm not the outdoors type at all, I hadn't even really gone camping before and I had absolutely no plans, nor would I have any money once I was done. I just had this overwhelming feeling that it was something that I had to do and that it would change my life forever. So, long story short, it was the most spiritually enriching experience of my life, a "rebirth" if you will, that gave me a tremendous sense of empowerment and a new found love for humanity.

I am now emotionally and mentally stronger than I have ever been in my life. Since my return from the trail to "the real world," I've seemed to reintegrate quite nicely and I'm working and trying to get my life back in order. However, I couldn't help but notice that the saner I got, the crazier the world around me seemed. It was sort of like a dream where something so ridiculous happens that you become aware of the fact that you are dreaming. I started to feel like that while awake. I have a great love for humanity and I see the good and the tremendous transformational power that we have to create our own reality. However, I think that this reality is based on insecurity, on fear, on failures and compromises, instead of love, acceptance, dreams and desires. It just seems to me that our consciousness is backwards and that a great shadow has formed over humanity that is widespread and deeply penetrating.

On the trail, I experienced a series of events which I could only call synchronicity. Upon returning, I looked up the concept, which lead me to Jung and archetypes, which then lead me to numerous other concepts and I soon found myself obsessively researching a vast collection of concepts spanning all schools of science, religion and magic. In the end, I concluded that our concepts of knowledge are flawed and skewed by our own perceptions and the same shadow reality which I so strongly despise. So the only place left to turn, the only thing left in this world for me to trust with any level of certainty, is within my own mind.

I feel that I have been called for a purpose, to shine some light in this otherwise dark world. To help change the consciousness of mankind. I recently discovered Terence McKenna who helped to completely validate the juncture at which I find myself in life. In particular, a video on YouTube where he discusses the correlation between schizophrenia and shamanism. I'll either end up doing something great or go completely insane. Either way, I am 100% committed.

So hello and thanks for having me!

 

[spice]

Welcome Herb


"I'll either end up doing something great or go completely insane."




Do Both. There's no such thing as coincidence.


Welcome Herb

 

[trick]

Welcome to paridise Herb!

Thats quite the story, i can relate to it quite well although im not so far into my story only being 17, but im at the point where you moved in with your dad.

Im here in england for the next few months to make money, then from there ill be 18, have money, and ill go wherever the wind takes me.
Im a lover of the travel, so i have a feeling an international road trip will soon be underway.

 

[IJesusChrist]

I think you're abnormal due to the quote

"I had a happy childhood"

Now that I know a little bit more about you, I'd like to say a few things;

The veil you see over humanity is indeed a real one, however it is only a shade of the many colors that make our societies and cultures. Bitterness propogates bitterness, and to be completely honest - the veil you have been gifted with is of great insight, however it is that of one who hasn't seen the ego yet. It is you that not only creats that image, but also the one who can change it, both physically with love and care, and psychologically with meditation, practice, and deep thought, much deeper and harder to achieve than the negative.

I was about 17 years old when I had a revelation of leaving behind my mom and dad, taking my car to the mexican border and attempting to make my way to brazil on foot. It never happened, as I knew my parents would eventually find me out of panic and tell me something was extremely wrong with me. All I needed was to start over, and to look outside the box. When I think about it now, it still stirs in me that that may have been the better decision - but I am in college now, and I have the burden and blindness of societies yoke - money, etc.

It is easy to cast society off as wrong with the proper intellect, it is nearly impossible to comprehend it with affection with the same knowledge - however it can be done, and so we have our heroes like that of Ghandi, MLKing, Buddha, etc...

I am glad to hear of your rebirth, and I'm glad to hear more post from you

 

[ophiuchus]

looks like you ended up in the right place. it's a pleasure to have you.

funny how so many of us have undergone very similar paths, with feelings of total isolation, only to be brought together in an awesome way, albeit via a product of industry. something that many of us know to be an extremely flawed system, and the cause for much death and suffering (and maybe personal strife). but look at the greatness that can be achieved with it. we have the potential now to change this flawed system, simply by knowing each other. this system can be nourished and brought to a healthy state (again?) now that the great thinkers of society can all be united as one. lets continue to make the internet a useful and intelligent place, in hopes that we can someday use it as an integral part of making the world (humans world) a much more efficient and less damaging place. change ( = time = inevitable), so lets put our minds together and make good of it

 

[GregKasarik]

Actually, the privalege was mine. I found your story inspiring and I thank you greatly for sharing.

You said that you've read Jung. Have you ever tried the Myers Briggs Typology Indicator, which is based of his work?

I find it a very useful tool for self understanding.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm